“If you feel devalued by something your partner, child, or parent says or does, he or she probably feels devalued too. Devaluing him or her in return will only make it worse. Compassion will make it better.
“Compassion does not mean giving in. Giving in or ‘going along to avoid an argument’ virtually guarantees resentment. Resentment undermines and ruins attachment relationships.
“Most of the time resolution without resentment is possible with a sincere effort to understand one another. We become the angriest (the most hurt), not when disappointed for not getting what we want, but when feeling misunderstood or disregarded. With compassion, we never feel unimportant or disregarded or unlovable (although we may feel disappointed). This makes negotiation on all issues much easier. Compassion is absolutely necessary for resolution in the event of hurt feelings….
With compassion the goal is not to ‘win’ a dispute, but to find a solution in which all parties feel regarded, important, and valuable.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 37