Forgiving for Your Own Sake

One of the great misconceptions about forgiveness is that it is the same as reconciliation.  Reconciliation is deciding whether or not to talk to your lover again after an infidelity.  Forgiveness is deciding whether or not to let go of the anger and despair you feel because you did not get the loyal partnership you wanted.  Reconciliation means reestablishing a relationship with the person who hurt you.  Forgiveness means making peace with a bitter part of your past and no longer blaming your experiences on the offender.  You can forgive even if you don’t want to have any further relationship with the person who hurt you….

Forgiving someone does not require that you condone that person’s unkind, inconsiderate, or selfish behavior.  To forgive is to let go of the extra suffering you have imposed on yourself after the normal cycle of grief has run its course….

Forgiveness acknowledges that we were disappointed but allows us not to stay stuck in the past….

Forgiveness is about today and not yesterday.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 21-26

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