Accepting Ourselves

“Codependents cannot change until we accept our codependent characteristics — our powerlessness over people, alcoholism, and other circumstances we have so desperately tried to control.  Acceptance is the ultimate paradox:  we cannot change who we are until we accept ourselves the way we are.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 121

Compassion Is the Key

“Compassion shines light on our differences and lets us appreciate and sympathize with loved ones.  Love without the sensitivity of compassion is rejecting of who you really are as a person, possessive, controlling, and dangerous.”

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 32

Core Value

Affirmation of core value from Steven Stosny’s The Powerful Self:

I am worthy of respect, value, and compassion, whether or not I get them from others.  If I don’t get them from others, it is necessary to feel more worthy, not less.  It is necessary to affirm my own deep value as a unique person, a child of God.  I respect and value myself.  I have compassion for my hurt.  I have compassion for the hurt of others.  I trust myself to act in my best interests and in the best interests of loved ones.”

Disarming Defenses

“Compassion disarms the defenses of others.  Compassion rarely stimulates anger in others, making hostile or destructive defenses unnecessary, thereby breaking the cycle of reciprocal and escalating aggression.  It is virtually impossible to sustain aggression in the face of compassionate behavior.”

— Steven Stosny, The Powerful Self, p. 30