Sonderquotes

Easier Done than Said

Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of “systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister,” which is easier done than said.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish, p. 159

Transformation

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 105

Reading and Travel

There are some who say that sitting at home reading is the equivalent of travel, because the experiences described in the book are more or less the same as the experiences one might have on a voyage, and there are those who say that there is no substitute for venturing out into the world.  My own opinion is that it is best to travel extensively but to read the entire time, hardly glancing up to look out of the window of the airplane, train, or hired camel.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish, p. 85

Careless Writing

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish, p. 77

A Library

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish, p. 76

The Obvious Answer

One of the world’s tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island, because people always answer “a deck of cards” or “Anna Karenina” when the obvious answer is “a well-equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.”

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 67

More Fun, But Impractical

There are some who say that you should forgive everyone, even the people who have disappointed you immeasurably.  There are others who say you should not forgive anyone, and should stomp off in a huff no matter how many times they apologize.  Of these two philosophies, the second one is of course much more fun, but it can also grow exhausting to stomp off in a huff every time someone has disappointed you, as everyone disappoints everyone eventually, and one can’t stomp off in a huff every minute of the day.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 26

Happy Families

A certain Russian writer said that happy families are all alike, which is absurd.  Some happy families do nothing but train seals all day, while others prefer to paint pictures of flowers on pieces of pottery and sell them for outrageous prices at fairs.  There are happy families who consist of nothing but a happy father and his happy twin sons, and there are happy families who have so many happy cousins that whenever the happy family wants to go somewhere together they have to rent an entire happy bus to do so.  There are happy families who live in the happy center of certain happy cities, and there are happy families who rent a different happy hut on a different happy island every happy week.  Really the only thing that all happy families have in common is happiness and perhaps a certain sagginess around the cheeks from smiling all the livelong day.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 24

Jane Austen’s Juvenalia

On being shewn into an elegant dressing room, ornamented with festoons of artificial flowers, they were struck with the engaging Exterior and beautifull outside of Jezalina the eldest of the young Ladies, but e’er they had been many minutes seated, the Wit and Charms which shone resplendent in the conversation of the amiable Rebecca, enchanted them so much that they all with one accord jumped up and exclaimed.

“Lovely and too charming Fair one, notwithstanding your forbidding Squint, your greazy tresses and your swelling Back, which are more frightfull than imagination can paint or pen describe, I cannot refrain from expressing my raptures, at the engaging Qualities of your Mind, which so amply atone for the Horror, with which your first appearance must ever inspire the unwary visitor.”

– Jane Austen at 12, in “Frederic and Elfrida,” Minor Works

Sadness

It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.

– Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 16