{"id":33883,"date":"2018-01-19T23:21:24","date_gmt":"2018-01-20T03:21:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/blog\/?p=33883"},"modified":"2018-01-19T23:21:24","modified_gmt":"2018-01-20T03:21:24","slug":"review-of-the-four-tendencies-by-gretchen-rubin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/blog\/?p=33883","title":{"rendered":"Review of The Four Tendencies, by Gretchen Rubin"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The Four Tendencies<\/em><\/p>\n

by Gretchen Rubin<\/p>\n

Harmony Books, 2017. 257 pages.
\nStarred Review<\/p>\n

The Four Tendencies<\/em> is an interesting approach to motivation. It really does seem to work for me \u2013 though I\u2019m the same tendency as the author. I was discussing it with friends on Facebook, and some think it\u2019s a little too simplistic, but of course you\u2019ll get more nuances if you read the book.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the basic idea: People are divided up by whether they meet or resist outer and inner expectations.<\/p>\n

Upholders<\/strong> respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations.<\/p>\n

Questioners<\/strong> question all expectations; they meet an expectation only if they believe it\u2019s justified, so in effect they respond only to inner expectations.<\/p>\n

Obligers<\/strong> respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations.<\/p>\n

Rebels<\/strong> resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Within this framework \u2013 which she definitely doesn\u2019t claim is the last word on someone\u2019s personality \u2013 she gives tips about how to motivate someone from that type.<\/p>\n

I agree with the things she says about my tendency \u2013 an Upholder \u2013 but where the book is helpful is helping me see why what motivates me (\u201cJust do it!\u201d) doesn\u2019t necessarily work on others. This book actually explains a lot about some things that went wrong in my interactions with my ex-husband, who I believe is the opposite type. And it sheds light on why the ways I tried to motivate my kids often didn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n

To identify our Tendency, we must consider many examples of our behavior and our reasons<\/em> for our behaviors. For example, a Questioner and a Rebel might both reject an expectation, but the Questioner thinks, \u201cI won\u2019t do it because it doesn\u2019t make sense,\u201d while a Rebel thinks, \u201cI won\u2019t do it because you can\u2019t tell me what to do.\u201d <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The main question this book is trying to answer is \u201cHow do I get people \u2013 including myself \u2013 to do what I want?\u201d It\u2019s a book about motivation.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a section from the first chapter:<\/p>\n

Knowing other people\u2019s Tendencies also makes it much easier to persuade them, to encourage them, and to avoid conflict. If we don\u2019t consider a person\u2019s Tendency, our words may be ineffective or even counterproductive. The fact is, if we want to communicate, we must speak the right language \u2013 not the message that would work most effectively with us<\/em>, but the message that will persuade the listener<\/em>. When we take into account the Four Tendencies, we can tailor our arguments to appeal to different values.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, when we ignore the Tendencies, we lower our chances of success. The more an Upholder lectures a Rebel, the more the Rebel will want to resist. A Questioner may provide an Obliger with several sound reasons for taking an action, but those logical arguments don\u2019t matter much to an Obliger; external accountability is the key for an Obliger.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The book isn\u2019t long. It might give you some useful insights into motivating yourself or others. I think it\u2019s worth a read, but the choice is yours. (There, maybe I\u2019m learning \u2013 I didn\u2019t order anyone to read it.)<\/p>\n

gretchenrubin.com<\/a>
\nharmonybooks.com<\/a><\/p>\n

Buy from Amazon.com<\/a><\/p>\n

Find this review on Sonderbooks<\/a> at: www.sonderbooks.com\/Nonfiction\/4_tendencies.html<\/a><\/p>\n

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.<\/p>\n

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.<\/p>\n

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.<\/p>\n

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