120. A Word from God.

In the last 11 years, since my marriage fell apart, I’ve learned to listen for God’s voice (metaphorical) and what He has to say to me.  I’ve learned to dare to believe that He will speak specifically to me and have a word for my situation.

Now, I thought for a long time that God was telling me that my husband would come back and I should wait for him.

If I was wrong about that, does that mean I’m not hearing God’s voice at all?

But I’ve been thinking about that lately — I’d been asking God about something else, something personal.  Did I even dare believe what I thought He was saying?  Since I’d been wrong about the other?

And God’s answer again involves waiting — Am I hearing right?

(But I’d been thinking.  Even if I was wrong about the eventual outcome, the *action* I felt God was asking for back then, 11 years ago — to wait — was a good thing.)

Today, in the sermon, a verse was mentioned — and posted up on the screen — that was one of the first verses I believed God gave me for my husband.

In fact, I had even closed my Bible, opened it and pointed!  I was that far gone in wanting direction.  I had prayed specifically for a verse for him.  (This was 11 years ago.)

And I’m not going to get specific on a public post.  But this is also a verse that I have never, ever before heard mentioned in a sermon.

When it was mentioned, my first thought was — Is God telling me this verse still applies?

And the section of the sermon was called “God’s Apparent Delay.”

And then, in the next sentence — the preacher gave an interpretation of God’s delay (in the sermon context) that cast a whole new light on that verse.

And that new light applied to my life and what I’m waiting on God for today.  But it *also* fit with the previous situation and showed me why waiting was important back then.

It was amazingly specific — and convinced me that God was speaking directly to me.

(If friends want more details, you can ask me.)

And WOW!  That’s a blessing.

 

 

 

110. Quiet Beautiful Things

This morning I was reading in the Bible about the Battle of Jericho.  It occurred to me that it’s easier to see what God is doing in my life when there’s big drama going on.  “My son just moved out.”  “I’m interviewing for a job in Oregon.”

I’m not sure how long it will last, but for now there’s not big drama in my life.  Yet — there are many things I’m excited about.  Quiet, Beautiful Things.  Things that God has brought into my life and that are His special blessings to me.

Today, it’s simply getting to go play games with friends — friends I’ve only known a couple years, but whose company I enjoy tremendously.  Tomorrow, it’s going to be getting to teach Scratch programming in a playful way.

And there are lots more things coming up.

And I hope I will remember to notice them.

“He makes me lie down in green pastures.”  Green pastures are lovely at times, too.

And may I not forget to be thankful.

 

103. God Speaking in a Sunday Sermon

I love it when a Sunday sermon has a message that is so precisely what I needed to hear, it seems pretty clear that God was using it to speak to me.

This morning that happened.

I won’t go into detail, but I was thinking that how God has worked things out for good in the past tells me I can certainly trust Him with my future.

That’s pretty much what the sermon was about — with some additional specific details that resonated.

But this is by no means the first time this has happened.

And it’s a blessing.

91. Prayer on the Church Property

Our church is building a building, a community resource center.

Some obstacles have come up, and this afternoon my small group met on the church property to pray, along with the pastor and his wife and another friend.

And it was beautiful.  In so many ways.

The weather was beautiful.  The sun was shining through spring-green new leaves.  A breeze was blowing.  We were in the woods, with little flowers blooming on the forest floor.

But it was also so beautiful to pray in harmony with others.  Jesus promised that when two or three of you gather together, He’ll be there with you, and we could feel His presence.

“We will shout for joy when you are victorious

and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.”

— Psalm 20:5

86. Blooming Blossoms

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I grew up in L. A.  Though I did have a wonderful purple jacaranda tree out my window, I still think of trees blossoming all over the place as a miracle.

Today I got to lose myself in enjoying that miracle.

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Just some picture taking by my lake.

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And the birds were chirping madly.

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And a breeze was blowing.

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And I was able to just enjoy the beauty.

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And it was good for my soul.

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64. The Deep, Deep Love of Jesus

29 years ago today, I married my best friend.

10 years ago today, I tried to leave my husband an anniversary gift.  He did not accept it and left a note that he had contacted a lawyer and filed for divorce.

In between those dates, we had two wonderful children who have grown to be fine adults.  I experienced deep love and harmonious companionship.  We became adults together.  Because of that marriage, I got to live in Europe.  Because of that marriage, I got my first job in a library.

In recent years on this day, I’ve thought about all I have to be thankful for about that marriage.  There was very much indeed.

Today?  I’m ready to move on, to celebrate the new beginnings that a wedding day represents.

And I want to celebrate the many things I have to be thankful for about the divorce.

If that friend no longer wants to be a friend to me, if he no longer wants to walk through life with me and no longer wants to have anything to do with God — I’m actually thankful that I get to choose a different path.  (I tried so very hard to stay on the original path, but that was taken out of my hands.  In the end, it’s something to be thankful for.)

And the biggest thing I have to be thankful for?  God has been faithful.  I have learned new depths of the deep, deep love of Jesus.

So — I am going to celebrate the anniversary of my first wedding day by going over the hymns we had the congregation sing.  We had lots of music at our wedding.  Now, what I remember most are the hymns we chose.  In many, many ways, singing those hymns declared my intention for my life course as a young adult.  Now I declare them again as my life intentions.

First, Be Thou My Vision:

Be Thou My Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art–

Thou my best thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

 

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son,

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

 

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine inheritance, now and always;

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

 

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heav’n’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

 

Amen.

 

And whatever befall, God has been faithful.

And His love is amazing.  Next, O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus:

O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus,

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me,

Underneath me, all around me,

Is the current of Thy love;

Leading onward, leading homeward

To my glorious rest above.

 

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

Spread His praise from shore to shore!

How He loveth, ever loveth,

Changeth never, nevermore;

How He watches o’er His loved ones,

Died to call them all His own;

How for them He intercedeth,

Watcheth o’er them from the throne.

 

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

Love of every love the best;

‘Tis an ocean vast of blessing,

‘Tis a haven sweet of rest,

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

‘Tis a heav’n of heav’ns to me;

And it lifts me up to glory,

For it lifts me up to Thee.

 

There’s a tension in thinking about my marriage.  When I think about how good some times were, I get sad that they didn’t last.  When I try to get rid of the sadness by thinking about how horribly it ended, I get angry for how I was treated.

What can I count on in the present?  God’s love.

When I sang this third hymn, Take My Life and Let It Be, I meant every word.  I still do:

Take my life and let it be

Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;

Take my moments and my days —

Let them flow in ceaseless praise,

Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

 

Take my hands and let them move

At the impulse of Thy love;

Take my feet and let them be

Swift and beautiful for Thee,

Swift and beautiful for Thee.

 

Take my voice and let me sing

Always, only, for my King;

Take my lips and let them be

Filled with messages from Thee,

Filled with messages from Thee.

 

Take my silver and my gold —

Not a mite would I withhold;

Take my intellect and use

Ev’ry pow’r as Thou shalt choose,

Ev’ry pow’r as Thou shalt choose.

 

Take my will and make it Thine —

It shall be no longer mine;

Take my heart — it is Thine own,

It shall be Thy royal throne,

It shall be Thy royal throne.

 

Take my love — my Lord, I pour

At Thy feet its treasure store;

Take myself — and I will be

Ever, only, all for Thee,

Ever, only, all for Thee.

 

On my wedding day, I offered my heart both to my husband and to God.  Can I really complain that God took me up on that offer?

He is faithful.  He will continue to walk with me.

O, the deep, deep love of Jesus.