Embrace Your Joys

The more you feel close to your joys, the more the people who are right for you will notice you and become attracted to you. Your joys are some of the very things your partner-to-be will love most about you, and will need most from you….

Also, the more time you spend with the things that touch you and move you, the more you will be noticed by the people who are good for you. The kind of person you’re seeking is someone who is drawn to your Core Gifts, your authentic self. If you wait until you know someone loves you before you reveal these parts of yourself, it’s as though you’re waiting for the harvest without planting the seeds. It’s the vulnerability, warmth, and humanity of your gifts that will make the right person notice and come to love you.

— Ken Page, Deeper Dating, p. 41

It All Matters.

If you are standing before me, beaten and bleeding, I cannot tell you to forgive. I cannot tell you to do anything, since you are the one who was beaten. If you have lost a loved one, I cannot tell you to forgive. You are the person who has lost a loved one. If your spouse betrayed you, if you were abused as a child, if you have endured any of the myriad injuries humans can inflict upon one another, I cannot tell you what to do. But I can tell you that it all matters. Whether we love or we hate, whether we help or we harm, it all matters. I can tell you that I hope, if I am the one who is beaten and bloodied, I will be able to forgive and pray for my abuser. I hope that I would be able to recognize him as my brother and as a precious child of God. I hope I never give up on the reality that every person has the capacity to change.

— Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving, p. 224

Unexpected Gifts

Gratitude supports basic trust. Gratitude helps you to suspend your judgment. It gives you another angle, another way of looking at things. “Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you,” I wrote in Be Happy. Sometimes cancellations, rejections, traffic delays, bad weather, and even more bad weather can come bearing gifts. A layoff, an illness, or the end of a relationship may well be the start of something wonderful. “We don’t know what anything is really for, says Louise. “Even a tragedy might turn out to be for our greatest good. That’s why I like to affirm Every experience in my life benefits me in some way.

— Robert Holden and Louise Hay, Life Loves You, p. 160

Finding Our Core Gifts

The quickest way to access your Core Gifts is by using the small moments of joy and meaning in your life as springboards. All of us, no matter how desperate our situation, experience moments when we feel nourished and inspired in our lives. We know when our heart feels particularly touched, when our spirit is quickened, when we feel loved, or when we are making a difference in someone’s life. Moments when we truly love who we are.

We can use these experiences in two important ways to change our lives and speed our intimacy journey. First, when we open to these positive experiences more fully and stay with them just a bit longer than we might normally do, we actually develop our capacity for love. These moments are more than moments; they are actually portals, and the more we enter into them, the more our ability to love grows.

Second, when we pay attention to the experiences that fill our hearts, we discover what types of interactions and experiences inspire us and encourage us to open up and trust. When we take the time to notice these patterns, it’s like a connect-the-dots game. What emerges is a picture of our Core Gifts.

— Ken Page, Deeper Dating, p. 40

Grace

Grace means suddenly you’re in a different universe from the one where you were stuck, and there was absolutely no way for you to get there on your own. When it happens — when you stop hating — you really have to pinch yourself. Jesus said, and this is not an exact quote, “The point is to not hate and kill each other today, and if you can, to help the forgotten and powerless. Can you write that down and put it by the phone?”

— Anne Lamott, Small Victories, p. 149

Practicing Gratitude

Gratitude is a spiritual practice. Every time you give thanks for your life, even if it’s only for green lights and free parking spaces, you take a step closer to love. Gratitude always takes you in the direction of love. Gratitude takes you to your heart. Practicing gratitude helps you to cultivate a loving awareness for your life and for yourself. When you remember to give thanks you feel blessed, not just for what you have but also for who you are. Practicing gratitude helps you to remember the basic truth I am lovable. The more you practice gratitude, the more you become who you really are.

— Robert Holden and Louise Hay, Life Loves You, p. 158