{"id":255,"date":"2007-12-18T23:14:37","date_gmt":"2007-12-19T03:14:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/2007\/12\/18\/guilt-and-shame\/"},"modified":"2007-12-18T23:14:37","modified_gmt":"2007-12-19T03:14:37","slug":"guilt-and-shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/?p=255","title":{"rendered":"Guilt and Shame"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt.\u00c2\u00a0 Guilt is believing that what we did isn&#8217;t okay.\u00c2\u00a0 Authentic guilt is valuable.\u00c2\u00a0 It&#8217;s a signal that we&#8217;ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code.\u00c2\u00a0 It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track.\u00c2\u00a0 Shame is worthless.\u00c2\u00a0 Shame is the belief that whether what we did is okay or not, who we are isn&#8217;t.\u00c2\u00a0 Guilt is resolvable.\u00c2\u00a0 We make amends for what we did, learn from our mistake, and attempt to correct our behavior.\u00c2\u00a0 Shame isn&#8217;t resolvable.\u00c2\u00a0 It leaves us with a sense that all we can do is apologize for our existence, and even that falls short of what&#8217;s needed&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>If we feel ashamed because we&#8217;ve done something we feel guilty about, we convert shame to guilt, then make any appropriate amends and change our behavior.\u00c2\u00a0 If we decide shame is trying to enforce an unhealthy, inappropriate message on us, we change the message.\u00c2\u00a0 If we feel ashamed about something we cannot or need not change, we surrender to the situation and give ourselves a big hug.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212; Melody Beattie, <em>Beyond Codependency, <\/em>p. 107-110<\/p>\n<p>\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt.\u00c2\u00a0 Guilt is believing that what we did isn&#8217;t okay.\u00c2\u00a0 Authentic guilt is valuable.\u00c2\u00a0 It&#8217;s a signal that we&#8217;ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code.\u00c2\u00a0 It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track.\u00c2\u00a0 Shame is worthless.\u00c2\u00a0 Shame is the belief that whether what we did [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,11,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-core-value","category-forgiveness","category-healing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}