Real love can emerge only when there is choice.\u00c2\u00a0 If Sam is obliged to treat Carly exactly as she demands to be treated, then what is there for Sam to do but follow instructions?\u00c2\u00a0 If Carly gets to make all the decisions, then Sam is not really a full partner.\u00c2\u00a0 It is only real choice that allows romantic love to flourish.\u00c2\u00a0 Jack can tell Jill he will love her for the rest of his life, but he still has to wake up every day and do so.\u00c2\u00a0 If she hovers over him and rates his love for her by the hour, it will quickly be extinguished.\u00c2\u00a0 Jack will get tired of the judgments and the pressure to perform.\u00c2\u00a0 We cannot be forced to love.\u00c2\u00a0 As much as choice is a responsibility, it also provides the freedom to love and care and forgive.\u00c2\u00a0 The risks we take when we choose to love one particular person and the resulting uncertainty are the ground upon which true love emerges.<\/p>\n
How remarkable is it that your lover continues to spend time with you, listen to you, and try to make your relationship work of his or her own free will?\u00c2\u00a0 How wonderful is it that you lover continues to have sex with you and to parent your children?\u00c2\u00a0 Your lover’s devotion and willingness to plug away day after day when there are sleeker and newer models to meet is a blessing.\u00c2\u00a0 We need to let our lovers know how amazing they are and how grateful we are.\u00c2\u00a0 We need to make offering gratitude a priority in our lives and in our marriages….<\/p>\n
When you feel grateful for your lover, you are able to feel forgiving toward him or her.\u00c2\u00a0 Forgiveness is a positive emotion that can actually restore some of the damage done to your body by anger and stress.\u00c2\u00a0 When you are focused on your problems and grievances, your body is under stress.\u00c2\u00a0 Your stress chemicals are active, and you feel tired and beaten down.\u00c2\u00a0 You blame the offender for your distress and feel disempowered.\u00c2\u00a0 Feeling grateful and forgiving can wash away the stress and relax your body and mind.<\/p>\n
— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, <\/em>p. 132-133<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Real love can emerge only when there is choice.\u00c2\u00a0 If Sam is obliged to treat Carly exactly as she demands to be treated, then what is there for Sam to do but follow instructions?\u00c2\u00a0 If Carly gets to make all the decisions, then Sam is not really a full partner.\u00c2\u00a0 It is only real choice […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,20,21,15,14,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-forgiveness","category-gratitude","category-healing","category-love","category-marriage","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=423"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}