When your partner is making changes that you don’t know how to handle, don’t fall into the lie of “It’s okay.\u00c2\u00a0 It doesn’t bother me.”\u00c2\u00a0 Quick dismissals push the other person away and leave her guessing what your true feelings are.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s better to express the truth:\u00c2\u00a0 “I’m feeling threatened” or “I’m confused.”\u00c2\u00a0 Being truthful maintains the connection.<\/p>\n
Recognize that listening to your partner is not the same as surrendering to his opinion.\u00c2\u00a0 Giving in to your partner may get you through a rocky moment, but it is not necessarily what your partner wants.\u00c2\u00a0 Acknowledging his heartfelt feelings doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.\u00c2\u00a0 The challenge is to reveal without capitulating or rebelling. . . .<\/p>\n
The need to assert differences brings many couples to the brink, but once a couple can discuss what’s underneath those differences — what fuels different aspects of themselves — they learn profound truths about their partner.\u00c2\u00a0 They discover the extent of the other person’s convictions, the strengths of their commitments, and the impact their own behavior has on them.\u00c2\u00a0 Not only is it then possible to get through the immediate challenge, but they are able to understand each other in a deeper, more intimate way, which leaves them poised for still greater depths of understanding.<\/p>\n
— Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter T. Pearson, PhD, Tell Me No Lies:\u00c2\u00a0 How to Stop Lying to Your Partner — and Yourself — in the 4 Stages of Marriage, <\/em>p. 123-124<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When your partner is making changes that you don’t know how to handle, don’t fall into the lie of “It’s okay.\u00c2\u00a0 It doesn’t bother me.”\u00c2\u00a0 Quick dismissals push the other person away and leave her guessing what your true feelings are.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s better to express the truth:\u00c2\u00a0 “I’m feeling threatened” or “I’m confused.”\u00c2\u00a0 Being truthful […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-491","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","category-truth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/491","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=491"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/491\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=491"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=491"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=491"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}