{"id":6573,"date":"2018-07-06T22:05:44","date_gmt":"2018-07-07T02:05:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/?p=6573"},"modified":"2018-07-06T22:23:32","modified_gmt":"2018-07-07T02:23:32","slug":"feeling-worthy-of-love-by-loving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/?p=6573","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Worthy of Love by Loving"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Stosny-2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Stosny-2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"533\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-6580\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Stosny-2.jpg 400w, https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Stosny-2-225x300.jpg 225w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>What we lose as resentment builds in love relationships is a cornerstone of the sense of self: <em>feeling worthy of love.<\/em>  In the beginning, love relationships make us feel lovable.  Regardless of our faults and foibles, we feel worthy of the love we receive.  What we don&#8217;t realize is this:<\/p>\n<p>It isn&#8217;t being loved that makes us feel lovable; it&#8217;s <em>loving<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s a hard distinction to see most of the time.  Being loved makes it so much easier to be loving that we can easily miss which provides the greater boost to self-value.  Unless you feel lovable, feeling loved will not feel good, beyond a shallow ego stroke.  It won&#8217;t feel good because it inevitably stirs <em>guilt<\/em> for getting something you don&#8217;t really feel you deserve and, worse, the <em>shame<\/em> of inadequacy, because you don&#8217;t feel able to return the love you get.  The wellspring of resentment in love relationships is blaming this guilt and shame on our partners.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212; Steven Stosny, <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.sonderbooks.com\/Nonfiction\/empowered_love.html\">Empowered Love<\/a><\/em>, p. 113<\/p>\n<p>[Photo: Great Falls, Virginia, June 14, 2016]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What we lose as resentment builds in love relationships is a cornerstone of the sense of self: feeling worthy of love. In the beginning, love relationships make us feel lovable. Regardless of our faults and foibles, we feel worthy of the love we receive. What we don&#8217;t realize is this: It isn&#8217;t being loved that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,37,15,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-compassion","category-connection","category-love","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6573","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6573"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6573\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6573"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6573"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6573"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}