{"id":674,"date":"2008-12-03T21:05:36","date_gmt":"2008-12-04T01:05:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/2008\/12\/03\/why-defining-is-abusive\/"},"modified":"2008-12-03T21:05:36","modified_gmt":"2008-12-04T01:05:36","slug":"why-defining-is-abusive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/?p=674","title":{"rendered":"Why Defining is Abusive"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Clearly, when one person defines the other, the person doing the defining (abusing), has closed off from the real person.\u00c2\u00a0 When a person is told what they are, think, feel, and so forth, it is not only a lie told to them about themselves, but also it means that the abuser is closed off from the real person.\u00c2\u00a0 The abuser cannot really hear, see, and take in information from the real person.\u00c2\u00a0 It is as if he sees someone else.\u00c2\u00a0 For instance, if the abuser says, &#8220;You&#8217;re too sensitive&#8221; or &#8220;You&#8217;re not listening,&#8221; he is talking to someone whom he defines as &#8220;made wrong&#8221; or as &#8220;not listening.&#8221;\u00c2\u00a0 So, the real person isn&#8217;t seen or heard.\u00c2\u00a0 It is as if a wall has arisen between the verbally abusive man and his partner.\u00c2\u00a0 This is why, when a man defines his partner, she feels pain.\u00c2\u00a0 At some level, she experiences the end of the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212; Patricia Evans, <em>The Verbally Abusive Man, <\/em>p. 112<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Clearly, when one person defines the other, the person doing the defining (abusing), has closed off from the real person.\u00c2\u00a0 When a person is told what they are, think, feel, and so forth, it is not only a lie told to them about themselves, but also it means that the abuser is closed off from [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-674","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships","category-truth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=674"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=674"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=674"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sonderbooks.com\/sonderquotes\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=674"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}