Sunday Songs – I’m Not Who I Was

I know, it’s a few hours early for Sunday Songs. But today I got back from leaving my son at his dorm as he starts college. I came back to an empty home. And then the radio (WGTS 91.9 FM) played this song, which I’ve long felt expresses what I’d like to say to my ex-husband.

“I’m Not Who I Was,” by Brandon Heath

I’m super happy for my son. William and Mary is a great school, and they presented us with a weekend celebration, and I’m convinced it’s a great place for Tim.

But I was sad my husband couldn’t share it with me. William and Mary was his idea — He took Tim to visit years ago. We are both tremendously proud Tim is going there. And I wish we could come together on that common ground.

So coming home to an empty house was hard.

However, at the same time, the day before I left, I learned that I’d gotten the promotion I’d wanted so much — I’ll be Youth Services Manager at City of Fairfax Regional Library. I feel this job is right for me in so many ways, and it’s a calling other than a job.

And that’s one more way I’m not who I was.

After grad school, I got married and had kids right away. I happily moved wherever my husband’s job took us and worked part time so I could be the primary caregiver for our sons.

Now I’m a librarian, and I feel called to be a librarian. I’m excited about life. Like he says in the song, I found out I could sing — sing about all that’s happened and all that’s happening.

I am so glad Steve was part of my life for so long. I am so thankful for my two sons, and I love them so much and am so proud of them. But for this next phase of life, I have the privilege of focusing on my job, my calling, and also on the things that interest me.

But it’s a bittersweet weekend. So hearing this song in particular today struck a chord. I’m definitely not who I was, but I like who God has made me to be. And I’m excited about this next stage beginning.

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