I am amazed by how, when we ask for wisdom, “God gives generously to all without finding fault.”
I had been again wondering if God was really telling me what I thought He was telling me.
Is God really telling me He will restore and renew my marriage? What about my husband and his free will? If he really wants out and is truly divorcing me, then shouldn’t I move on and look for a better relationship? Aren’t I hoping for the impossible? Living in denial? Being unrealistic?
Yet God seems to be telling me that He is going to restore and rebuild our marriage, and that my husband will end up a leader and a witness and a man of God — NOT because of anything I do, but totally God’s work. My job is to pray for it, wait for it, and believe that God will do what He has promised. To “move on” by working on becoming a great children’s librarian and mother and writer, not by trying to find a new man for my life.
But there are times when it doesn’t seem possible. I get some insights about what went wrong in our marriage, and then I get discouraged. How can we possibly ever have a healthy relationship together, after all our mistakes in the past?
So I asked God again, “Lord, if You can really transform and rebuild our marriage, if You can really make Steve a leader and a witness and a man of God, if You can really make me a good wife for him — then I need confirmation again. Just a reminder that I’m on the right track. I need to know that I’m not just denying reality and going with false hopes after something that’s dead.”
And God answered. Today’s sermon was all about transformation. The opening and closing illustration was even about a marriage that was dead that God transformed.
Without going into details, God specifically answered what I was asking.
God CAN restore and heal — both our marriage, and our lives.
I believe that God is telling me that He WILL restore and heal.
But I also know that this is GOD’s work to do, not mine. Time for me to think about it a lot less and focus on being the woman God created me to be. God gave me many passions that I didn’t have as much time for when I was trying to be a good wife. It’s time to take advantage of this opportunity!
I’ve been a children’s librarian for two full weeks now: I want to be a good one!
And this is also my chance to write. I have ALWAYS dreamed of being a published author. I didn’t do any writing while my marriage was in such crisis, or while I was taking graduate classes. Now it’s time to start up again.
And it’s my chance to write for Sonderbooks. I have so enjoyed sharing books with people!
And my blogs. I like this way to connect with people. I put my thoughts out there, and usually only those who are interested read it. I connect with people in surprising ways.
I haven’t been writing so much in this blog lately–I’d like to do more of that. I’m having fun with my other two. Sonderquotes is the one I update most–I’m reading some great books! And Sonderblessings is just to remind myself how MUCH I have to be thankful for.
So–even though this started with maybe too much thinking and worrying about my marriage, God has left me with a great sense of peace. Some day, somehow He will restore our marriage. It will be His work, not mine. And it will happen in His timing, not mine. Meanwhile, this is my chance to live a joyful life with God, striving to be the person He created me to be.
And He will be enough for me, reassuring me of His love, and His forgiveness.
God is good. And God cares about my life.
He is not above giving reassurance. And that’s reason to rejoice!