Rain and Lessons in Contentment

I fully believe that Joy is a choice.  I am currently reading several books that tell me it is not my circumstances that determine my happiness, but the story I tell myself about those circumstances.  I have heard sermons about contentment.  I have lectured at length to my children that complaining will only make them unhappy.  I believe this.

In the last couple days, I got a delightful three-part reminder.

It began on Wednesday morning.  I was doing a quick run to the grocery store.  We had expected an ice storm, but instead we got nasty, cold, heavy, near-freezing rain.

I do not like rain in the winter.  I tend to think how much I would prefer snow.  Rain in winter is almost as cold as snow, but not as pretty, and not as fun.  It soaks into your clothes much more quickly, and doesn’t brighten a dark day like snow does.

As I came out of the grocery store, the thought crossed my mind that it was a shame I had to make a grocery run today.  The thought lingered long enough for me to feel guilty about the negativity.  But I was justified!  After all, loading groceries into the car in the pouring, cold rain is not a fun thing to do.  Ask anyone!

No sooner had that thought crossed my mind than I looked up and saw a mother and son walking toward the store.  The mother had an umbrella, but the little boy, about three years old, wasn’t paying any attention to staying under it.  He was positively dancing with joy at being out in the rain.  His shiny yellow boots splashed the pavement with zest, and you could instantly see how excited he was about this wondrous chance to go shopping in the rain!

Kind of put things in perspective for me!

The next day, a new book by Mo Willems, Are You Ready to Play Outside? came to the library.

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Piggie is so excited about playing outside with Gerald!  They will run!  They will skip!  They will jump!  NOTHING will stop them!

Then it begins to rain.

It pours.  Piggie is NOT a happy pig.

Gerald, an elephant, first tries shielding Piggie with his ear, but it is still raining.  Piggie doesn’t see how anyone could possibly play outside with all this rain.

Then they see two worms come out, exuberantly happy, splishing and splashing in the rain.

They decide to try it.  They run!  They skip!  They jump! 

Piggie decides he loves rain!  He hopes it rains all day!

Then it stops. 

Piggie is not a happy pig.

Fortunately, Piggie has an elephant for a friend, who has a solution.

This book conveys its message far more effectively than any sermon, lecture, or nonfiction book.  Part of the effectiveness is Mo Willems’ brilliant illustrations.  With simple cartoon drawings he makes you feel his characters’ emotions.  I never imagined that worms could look so joyful!  Elephant and Piggie turning somersaults and kicking up their heels in the rain proclaim complete exuberance.  You don’t just read about Piggie’s frustration turned to joy.  You experience it!

Last night, I brought the book home and showed it to my son.  I told him about seeing the little boy in the rain.  Gerald and Piggie dancing in the rain reminded me very much of that little boy in his yellow boots.

I think of Are You Ready to Play Outside? as a metaphor for life itself.  After all, I reflected, at this time of my life, I am single, not by my own choice.  I can spend my time moping about how I wish it would stop “raining” or I can skip and jump and dance in the rain.

Isn’t it true that people like Piggie who are unhappy in the rain tend to be the exact same people who are unhappy when it stops?

Later, I was e-mailing friends about the Inaugural Parade, in which my husband will be marching.  Even though he left me and has told me he wants nothing to do with me, I find myself feeling proud and excited that he’s going to take part in this historic event.  Someone sent me a link to an inaugural website, and from there I went to an Air Force page and found a story about the Air Force Band.  Apparently, they are supplementing the main DC band with musicians from several field bands for one big 99-member band for the parade, which is why my husband and several other Air Force musicians I know all get to participate.

What I didn’t realize is that they are already in the DC area.  My son had mentioned that his Dad was going to be practicing 8 days for the parade, but I didn’t realize it had already begun.  In fact, according to the article, the whole group began practicing this past Wednesday — in the pouring, cold, nasty, near-freezing rain.

I would be ashamed to report that this simple fact gave me a certain satisfaction.  I would be ashamed to say that the very nasty, cold, and unpleasant aspects of that rain now filled me with a certain unreasonable delight.

So I will simply say this.  The next time I am caught in a cold and nasty downpour, I will reflect that it could be worse.  I could have to practice marching in it.

A New Day

Well, today I had some things cast up to me.  Some things I have apologized for about a dozen times, with tears, but the person wronged has not been willing to forgive me, and indeed has cast the worst possible interpretation on the things I said.

But you know what?  God forgives me!  And I honestly can say that, though it hurts to have someone I love so angry with me, God is giving me forgiveness — and freedom — about it.

Then tonight, I was listening to The Best of Avalon, and their song, “A New Day,” so beautifully sums up how I feel.

Forgiveness feels GOOD — both receiving it from God for yourself and for others.

Here’s a link to “A New Day” with lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAKfTRlnA0I&feature=related

 

My Summer Vacation

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Summer vacation is drawing to a close, and ever since June, I’ve been meaning to write about my travels, even though they were much less than when I lived in Europe.

So, better late than never!  The summer began with my birthday trip to my MLIS graduation.  In many ways, that symbolized my new life, my new beginnings.

It seems paradoxical, because I am going through the hardest thing I’ve ever faced — divorce.  Yet, this summer my life has been characterized by more joy and peace than I have experienced in years.  Truly, God is being good to me.

Though I miss my husband, and still hope and pray that our marriage will be restored (and believe that God has personally promised me that it will), yet as they say at http://www.rejoiceministries.org/, God is being “my husband for this season,” and He is taking wonderfully good care of me.

For the first time in my adult life, my primary identity is not being a wife.  And it feels good!  Graduation symbolized that, as getting my MLIS degree enabled me to get this fantastic job.  I am a Children’s Librarian!  And I love it!

I drove up to Philadelphia on the morning of my birthday, June 14.  I didn’t find my classmates until we were robing and getting in line, but then I did find them, and it was lovely to meet people I had chatted with and done projects with and learned with.  And all of us celebrating the completion of our degrees.  We got to march through together and sit together, and had a long brunch together the next morning.

IMG_1722.JPG  The Drexel Dragon breathing “smoke”!

IMG_1719.JPG  Hagerty Library, where I virtually hung out.

Handshake.jpg  The handshake!

Walking.jpg  A happy moment!

IMG_1738.JPG  Here we are!  Graduates!

Definitely a memorable birthday, to celebrate my new life as a Children’s Librarian!

So it was a propitious start to my Summer Vacation.

On the way home, I had a wonderful interlude at Longwood Gardens….

Choosing Joy

Mr. MacDougall, my English professor at Biola, said, “Joy is the hallmark of the Christian.”

In the last few days, this theme keeps coming up again and again and again, in my reading, in today’s sermon, even in e-mails.

Yes, there are some difficult things in my life.  I am waiting and praying for my marriage to be restored.

But while I am waiting, I want to choose Joy.

Joy is about gratitude.  God gives us so many good gifts.  Even little things like utterly glorious weather on this long weekend.

It’s easy to let busy-ness rob our joy.  I’ve been guilty of that so much of my life.  So busy thinking about what I should be doing and figuring out how to fit it all in, that I’m not enjoying any of it.

Let it go.  Do what you can.  ENJOY it!

I’m coming up on a busy, busy, busy time at work.  I’ll be visiting 5 different local elementary schools, promoting the summer reading program and doing booktalks for the kids.  May I not forget how lucky I am to have this job, to get to talk about books!

No, I’m sure I won’t do a perfect job of it.  I’ll stumble over my words in places, and some of the kids will definitely be bored.

But I will be good enough.  And some kids will be intrigued by some of the books they hear about.  And some kids will do the Summer Reading Program who might not have otherwise.

And I am very blessed to have this job!

I Choose JOY.

The Lord’s Purpose

Jeremiah 29:11 is a famous and wonderful and comforting verse about God’s plans for us being good.

I also like the verse I was on in my Quiet Time this morning, Psalm 138:8:

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love, O Lord, endures forever —

do not abandon the works of your hands.

In my mind it also ties in with my last post.  Librarianship is something I feel called to — which ties in to the Lord’s purposes for making me.  I suspect that He made me to, among other things, find great joy out of connecting people and books.

I don’t know what He’s doing in my marriage.

But what a wonderful affirmation that He WILL fulfill His purpose in my life.

And His love endures forever.

And He will never abandon me.

May I find delight in becoming the person God created me to be!

Librarianship as a Calling

Having finished Our Singular Strengths:  Meditations for Librarians, by Michael Gorman, today I’ve begun reading Our Own Selves:  More Meditations for Librarians, by the same author.

In the first meditation, he quotes from a book written in 1966 by Lawrence Clark Powell.  Gorman says:

In it, he summons up a vision of a library as a place formed by “good hands” that have made it orderly and efficient; by “good heads” that have not only shaped collections by intelligent choice but have also absorbed a good part of the knowledge contained in those collections; and “good hearts” that exercise service in humility — motivated by a love of people and learning….

Libraries are about service or they are about nothing.

That got me thinking about why I’m excited about being a librarian.

Today, I had several opportunities to help people find information, quite a few of which were Moms with kids.  That’s one thing I thoroughly enjoy doing.

I love books.  I love learning.  I love connecting people and books.  And I like helping people.

That’s why becoming a librarian isn’t just about finding a job to support myself.  It’s about finding a calling.

May I remember that!

Joy

Today I finished reading Before Green Gables, by Budge Wilson, a prequel to Anne of Green Gables.  I thought it would be depressing — Anne’s childhood was hard — but it showed how Anne found transcendent moments, even as a child, even with a hard life.

I thought of the Proverb, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”

I’d like to be like Anne — thoroughly enjoying things worth enjoying, without apology.

I thought about my many travels with Steve.  We’ve been all over the world.  From the start, I “collected” castles, and just loved to roam over castles and take pictures.

I think a lot of the time, especially in the beginning, Steve thoroughly enjoyed the trips with me.

But toward the end, especially after he had already decided the marriage was over, he went through the motions, but his heart wasn’t in it at all.  (You can actually see this in the pictures over the years.)

It’s hard to take joy in something when someone you love is there in body, but not at all entering into the experience.

It’s wonderful to share a transcendent experience with someone.  My last trip to Paris with the Sisters of Royaumont was a glorious example.

But it’s also freeing to not have to worry about being with people who aren’t having a good time.  To just have responsibility for yourself, and be able to thoroughly enjoy something.  A painting of a forest in France.  A blooming branch.  A field of daffodils.  A twisted tree limb.  A brisk breeze.

My life has many joyful moments.  One nice thing about living as a single person is the chance to thoroughly enjoy God’s blessings, without apology.

Yes, it was yet more wonderful when my husband was enjoying life with me, for example, treasuring our arrival in Europe.  But now I don’t have to feel bad if he is not sharing my joy.  I’m sorry for it.  I still pray for him daily — particularly that he will find Joy and know God’s great love — but how do I express this freeing sensation?  I am realizing that I am not responsible, in any way whatsoever, for his happiness or his choices.

And I am free to choose Joy.