An Evening Walk

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It was a lovely summer evening after a full day of work.  I asked my son to take a walk with me, and he agreed!  There’s a little creek and waterfall at an abandoned corner about a five minutes’ walk from our home.  It’s nice to walk over and just hear the water above the sound of cars rushing past.  There is a bridge across the busy street, so we don’t have to deal with traffic and can get a little lull of time in the woods.  I don’t go there nearly often enough.

I’m still reviewing my summer from the pictures I took.  This was early in the summer.  One thing I reflect about it was that I sure enjoy my son’s company.  It’s just the two of us now, but I am so thankful that he is such good company.

Longwood Gardens

Okay, I’m slowly telling the story of my Summer Vacation.  The day after my birthday and graduation, I had breakfast with my classmates and fellow graduates, and then drove back to Virginia.  Along the way, I stopped at Longwood Gardens and spent a few hours there.

Years before, when Josh was a toddler, we visited Longwood Gardens with my parents-in-law and met some family friends who lived in Pennsylvania.  (We lived in New Jersey at the time.)  I believe that was when I met Lorinda, who often leaves comments on this blog.

It was funny, because I barely remembered that trip — until I went inside the large greenhouse and peeked at the Children’s Garden.  Then I remembered that on that long-ago visit, it rained, so we spent most of our time inside the greenhouse.  I also got a weird sense of deja vu when I watched the small dancing fountains going to a recording of Stars & Stripes Forever, because my father-in-law had videotaped the entire performance, and it was identical, after all those years!

Anyway, my trip this June was a totally different experience.  That trip was a large gathering, planned by my mother-in-law, and with a toddler in tow.  This trip was a solitary ramble in a beautiful place on a gorgeous day.  I was thinking about graduation and new beginnings and all the hope my future holds.  I did a lot of praying and thinking about the future, and a lot of simply enjoying the beauty.

The water gardens were beautiful to listen to as well as to see.  There was a bit of forest I was able to hike through.  I sat on a bench and simply enjoyed the woods.  It was very nice to have nobody tired of me taking pictures or bored with simply looking.

It was funny — the day was Father’s Day, and there simply weren’t too many families that celebrated Father’s Day by going to gardens!  Those that were there were on a very different, child-centered agenda, from what I was doing.  It felt wonderful to ramble through a safe, slightly wild, gorgeous place and reflect on how blessed I am.

I’ll post the full album on Facebook, but include some of the best pictures here:

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A New Day

Well, today I had some things cast up to me.  Some things I have apologized for about a dozen times, with tears, but the person wronged has not been willing to forgive me, and indeed has cast the worst possible interpretation on the things I said.

But you know what?  God forgives me!  And I honestly can say that, though it hurts to have someone I love so angry with me, God is giving me forgiveness — and freedom — about it.

Then tonight, I was listening to The Best of Avalon, and their song, “A New Day,” so beautifully sums up how I feel.

Forgiveness feels GOOD — both receiving it from God for yourself and for others.

Here’s a link to “A New Day” with lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAKfTRlnA0I&feature=related

 

My Summer Vacation

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Summer vacation is drawing to a close, and ever since June, I’ve been meaning to write about my travels, even though they were much less than when I lived in Europe.

So, better late than never!  The summer began with my birthday trip to my MLIS graduation.  In many ways, that symbolized my new life, my new beginnings.

It seems paradoxical, because I am going through the hardest thing I’ve ever faced — divorce.  Yet, this summer my life has been characterized by more joy and peace than I have experienced in years.  Truly, God is being good to me.

Though I miss my husband, and still hope and pray that our marriage will be restored (and believe that God has personally promised me that it will), yet as they say at http://www.rejoiceministries.org/, God is being “my husband for this season,” and He is taking wonderfully good care of me.

For the first time in my adult life, my primary identity is not being a wife.  And it feels good!  Graduation symbolized that, as getting my MLIS degree enabled me to get this fantastic job.  I am a Children’s Librarian!  And I love it!

I drove up to Philadelphia on the morning of my birthday, June 14.  I didn’t find my classmates until we were robing and getting in line, but then I did find them, and it was lovely to meet people I had chatted with and done projects with and learned with.  And all of us celebrating the completion of our degrees.  We got to march through together and sit together, and had a long brunch together the next morning.

IMG_1722.JPG  The Drexel Dragon breathing “smoke”!

IMG_1719.JPG  Hagerty Library, where I virtually hung out.

Handshake.jpg  The handshake!

Walking.jpg  A happy moment!

IMG_1738.JPG  Here we are!  Graduates!

Definitely a memorable birthday, to celebrate my new life as a Children’s Librarian!

So it was a propitious start to my Summer Vacation.

On the way home, I had a wonderful interlude at Longwood Gardens….

More Big Picture/Little Picture

Today’s sermon was titled “Keeping Perspective.”  It was about exactly what I’ve been thinking so much about lately:  The big picture and the little picture.

Of course it got me reflecting some more.  I think there will always be a tension between the big picture and the little picture.  We can believe that God is working, that God is surely working all things together for good.  But in the little picture, bad things do happen.  And they hurt.

The Psalms are full of wrestling with this tension.  Here’s a common pattern to so many psalms:

Help, Lord!

Things are awful!

Answer me quickly!

I remember that You came through for me before.

Surely You will come through for me again!

God rocks!

I’m going to conquer!

Isn’t God AWESOME?!?

Sometimes the way we get through our pain in the little picture is to cry out to God.  After we express our pain, we can remind ourselves that we KNOW God is going to come through for us.

Pastor Ed mentioned that the best way to keep perspective is not positive thinking, but faith.  Hebrews 11 has so many models of faith.  Even though “they did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.”

Maybe that’s the challenge:  Seeing what God is doing, and welcoming it, even from a distance.  Believing that God is Real, and that it is Worth It to follow Him, however foolish it may look in the short term  (Hebrews 11:6).

Imagine that you’ve bought your child something they’ve been longing for.  It’s wrapped up and hidden away for his birthday, or maybe sitting under the Christmas tree.  Then you go to a store together and see one, and he dissolves into tears because you won’t buy it.  You would be sad with your son because of his pain, but you would know he’ll get a lot more joy if he waits for Christmas.

Last year, God gave me some verses in Jeremiah 31, beginning with: 

“Restrain your voice from weeping

and your eyes from tears,

for your work will be rewarded,”

declares the Lord.

“They will return from the land of the enemy.

So there is hope for your future,”

declares the Lord.

“Your children will return to their own land.”

Now here God is telling us to stop crying, but I know from other passages that He does have compassion for our pain!  So he’s not the Mean Dad snapping, “Stop crying!” but the one saying, “There, there!  Don’t worry, Honey, I have this problem totally under control.  Everything’s going to be Okay.  Better, everything’s going to be Beautiful.”

If we can truly believe the big picture, even our emotions can start to reflect that.  Mind you, getting them there may take a wrestling process such as in the Psalms.  But that Big Picture thinking can help us refrain from crying as we come more fully to believe that, truly, God “exists, and He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”  It is worth it to follow God.

I’ve also been thinking lately that I can use my love for fairy tales to reinforce my big picture thinking.  Today Pastor Ed said that as Christians, “We believe in Happy Endings.”  How true.  If we follow God, we can be certain that, whatever happens, the ending will be, “And they lived happily ever after.”

Isn’t God AWESOME?!?

“Answer Me Quickly!”

Today’s verse from the Psalms was Psalm 143:7 —

Answer me quickly, O Lord;

my spirit fails.

Do not hide your face from me

or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

At first, I was a little taken aback.  Do we dare pray to God, “Answer me quickly”?  What about all I said in the “Long-Term Visions” posting?  What about all those verses about waiting on the Lord?

But look at the reason the Psalmist asks this — “My spirit fails.”  We humans do have trouble with long-term visions, and long-term trials.  Our spirits grow faint.

What comforted me about this is that God knows that we grow weary.  He lets us ask him to hurry up.  He knows that we are human.  He knows that long-term difficulties are hard on us.

And the verse says nothing about how God will answer.  In my own life, there have been several times when God answered my desperate cry quickly — not with a resolution of the problem, but still with an answer.  Notably, when I asked him to please end this NOW, he began giving me verse after verse after verse that said, “Wait on the Lord.”

The psalmist also says, “Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.”  This says to me, when my spirit is failing, that’s when I’m utterly desperate for God.  If I still have Him, I can make it through.

And He will not hide His face when I am desperate for him.

In many ways, this Psalm tells the story of my marriage falling apart:

Verse 1– I asked God to please come to my relief.  I was in trouble and desperately needed help.

Verse 2 — I felt horribly guilty for my part in hurting my marriage.  But took such comfort that God does not remember our sins forever, that God forgives a repentant heart.

Verses 3 and 4 — I felt horribly depressed and crushed.  Things got worse.  I felt like I might as well be dead.

Verse 5 — I remembered all God had done for me in the past.  I knew I could trust Him now.

Verse 6 — I spread out my hands to Him for help.  My prayer times took on a whole new desperation.

The Psalm goes on, with the verse I began with.  This trial is getting old — please help quickly, Lord!  My spirit is failing.

Verse 8 is a wonderful answer:

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my hope in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.

Notice it’s not necessarily a solution to all his problems — the Psalmist is just asking for “word of your unfailing love,” a reminder that God’s love never, ever fails.  Just something to lift that failing spirit.

Also direction.  Encourage me, and show me what step I should take today.

The last verses of the Psalm ask for deliverance (for I hide myself in You) and guidance and ultimate victory.

From several different sources and in several different ways, people have been mentioning to me lately that these long-term trials are all about the big picture.  Ultimately, what is God doing here?  I can be sure that this story will ultimately be about His amazing and unfailing love.

A Happy Birthday!

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My verse for my birthday this year was Psalm 142:7b

Then the righteous will gather about me

because of your goodness to me.

I chose the verse in the morning, and in the evening this wonderful group of people truly did gather about me!  These are my online classmates from Drexel.  We had gotten to know one another quite well, but met for the first time at graduation.

It was wonderful to march in graduation together and celebrate this milestone together.

Marching in my MLIS graduation from Drexel indeed felt like a sign and symbol of God’s goodness to me these past few years.

Yes, I’m still hoping and praying and standing that my marriage will be restored.  But in the meantime, God is pouring out blessings on me.  I still find it amazing that I was able to complete my degree and find a wonderful job that required the degree within two months after finishing.

God is good, and life is good.  And having wonderful people gathered about, rejoicing with me, was a wonderful way to celebrate that.

Definitely a happy birthday!

Tim’s Library

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Last week, my son brought home his artwork from 8th grade Art class.  I was especially tickled with his Library Scene.  It was all done with cut construction paper.  The assignment was to make a scene with at least three people.

I especially like the READ poster.  Tim said, “It’s not a library without a READ poster!”

I HAD to bring this picture in to work.  It occupies the proud place of honor on the wall above my cubicle.  I like it a lot!  Tim has certainly spent a lot of time in libraries, so it seems very appropriate.  I also like the kid using a laptop.  (Yes, libraries offer wireless internet, too!)

Sondra Lisa Reading

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Today we had some silly fun at the Library.  (It was my boss’s idea!)  Our theme this year is “Master the Art of Reading.”  So we took a poster of the Mona Lisa reading — and cut a hole for kids to insert their face.  Nancy also added words to our display:  Picture Yourself Reading.

We had a lot of fun trying it out!  Unfortunately, I had my camera set on no flash, so most of the pictures taken with it came out blurry.

Anyway, here I am as the Sondra Lisa!

Booktalking Tornadoes

I booktalked at three local elementary schools this week.  A lot of fun, but tremendously exhausting!

For the first and third schools, I had my co-worker Sue along, which does make it easier.  For the second school, I was alone in the morning, and was joined by my co-worker Kumud in the afternoon.  It definitely is nice to have someone share the talking!  Though I was relieved to prove to myself that I can, in fact, pull off a booktalk on my own.

The idea is that I’m going in to the local elementary schools and talking with each grade level.  First, I tell them about the summer reading program.  Then I let them choose from the books I brought along (from the featured books for the program) and I tell them how the books start, to try to pique their interest.

I have about a half-hour with each grade level, so it ends up being 20 to 25 minutes of talking.

I was nervous about it:  I became a librarian because I loved my job at Sembach Library so much.  But I never had to do anything like this at Sembach.  I didn’t even run programs at Sembach.  What if I don’t like it?  Will that mean I’m in the wrong job?

But it ended up being a whole lot of fun.  The elementary school kids are still cute and enthusiastic, and I am not trying to teach them anything — just tell them about something fun and tell them about some wonderful books.  When they do seem interested in the books, it’s a great feeling.

We did have some excitement on Wednesday, though.  It was the day I booktalked the morning alone, and the air conditioning was broken in the room where I was talking, which made it all the more tiring.

At the start of the next-to-last booktalk, the kids noticed the wind ferociously blowing outside with pouring rain and lightning and thunder.  I said, “Isn’t it great we’re warm and safe inside?” and kept talking.  But after awhile, they made me stop — because in the background, their tornado alarm was going off.

I was glad the teachers were in charge and not me!  The kids all knew what to do.  They went in the hallways and ducked and covered.  (It did not look very comfortable!)  Some of the kids were crying.  The power went out, and for a few moments there was no backup power, which was a bad moment of blackness.

The teachers had mercy on them and let the kids sit against the wall after about ten minutes.  I brought my bag with me into the hallway, so I was fortunate to have some reading material!  They had to stay in the hallways for at least a half-hour.

Driving back to the library, there were all kinds of branches and leaves in the road.  I had to detour because of a downed power line, and there was no power in the library.  But the books still worked!  I sat under an emergency light and counted beads — we are going to have a big jar of beads for people to guess the number.  And I need to get them counted first!

It turned out that all the schools in Fairfax County had the tornado warning.  Tim had to stay in the duck and cover position for a half-hour.  Many reported seeing funnel clouds, but thankfully, I didn’t hear of any touching down.

I was most stressed out, though, about the Algebra 2 Final Exam that my son had at 7 pm that night.  I called, and they had power, so the test was to go on, even though another wave of storms was predicted for 7:30.

Mapquest said it would take me a half-hour to drive to the test center, but of course it took a full hour.  Through rain and a couple of places where traffic lights weren’t working.  It was a very stressful drive.  Fortunately, the worst of the next wave of storms happened while we were in the building.  And at least now Tim is all DONE with Algebra 2.

But it ended up being an extremely exhausting day!  By the time I finished booktalking the next day, I was wiped out, and ended up getting a migraine just from tiredness.

However, it was still a lot of fun!  Next year I will try to make sure I schedule restful time after each booktalk and ask that I not be scheduled to man the information desk after a day of booktalking!  But now I have a weekend to recover before next week’s round of activities.

And when the preparation is all done and the Summer Reading Program is underway, I will get to celebrate by going up to Philadelphia to march in my graduation at Drexel!  On my birthday!  It will feel extra good to celebrate becoming a Librarian as I will have just completed my big event of the year for a children’s librarian — getting ready for the Summer Reading Program.

Go me!  🙂

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