First Full Day of ALA 2010

ALA, Books, YA Authors 0

Saturday, June 26, 2010, I woke up bright and early and excited to go to ALA.  I drove in — funny thing, but there’s no traffic early on a Saturday — and had no trouble and even made it to the 8:00 session! 

Saturday was a day of lots of great sessions of learning and inspiration.  First up, at 8:00, I went to a session called “Listen Up!  Using Audiobooks to Motivate Boys to Become Readers” featuring a panel that included the illustrious Ambassador Emeritus of Children’s Literature, the hilarious Jon Scieszka, He Who Laughs Like a Little Boy Getting into Trouble.

Jon and the rest of the panel talked about how audiobooks can help reluctant readers (particularly boys) see themselves as readers.   They talked about all the great things that happen when children listen to audiobooks.  Jon is adding a new part to his Guys Read website called Guys Listen.  It has some great resources.  If I become an elementary school librarian, or even if I go back to being a public librarian, I want to come back to this site and this information to convince parents and teachers how great audiobooks can be for kids. 

Oh, they also showed the hilarious clip which you’ll find on the Guys Listen site that promotes Jon’s new Guys Read collection of funny stories.  The clip is of the writers of the funny stories all telling parts of a joke.  I want that book!

After that session, I tried to get to the session called Move Over Dick and Jane: Reconsidering Books for Beginning Readers, about how beginning readers are changing.  However, in that room, there were no seats left, and I learned three years ago that it’s no fun to go to an ALA session and sit on the floor.

So instead, I went to hear Sue Monk Kidd and Anne Kidd Taylor talk about collaborating together on their book Traveling With Pomegranates.  It was wonderful!  I’ve recently been reading several meditative books by Sue Monk Kidd, so it was a thrill to meet her.

Some things she said that I liked:

Memoir is about backward understanding.

It’s always a reach for wholeness when you write memoir.

Memoir can create wholeness in the reader as well.  [That says it for me.  When I join an author on her journey seeking wholeness, it indeed helps me find it myself.]

To write memoir, you need an authentic willingness to be known, a unilateral disarming.

Aging is about the process of letting go of what is leaving anyway and letting something new grow.

After their talk, I got in line, and the publisher gave everyone a free copy of Traveling with Pomegranates, which both authors signed.  I was completely inspired and uplifted by the time I walked away.

Next on my schedule was the Margaret Edwards Award Luncheon, honoring Jim Murphy for his lifetime achievement in the field of literature for young people.  Jim Murphy writes amazingly immediate nonfiction for children.  There was a copy of one of his books on our chairs.  I got to sit next to blogger Liz Burns, and Fairfax County Librarian Shannon Seglin was nearby, sitting at the School Library Journal table.

After a yummy lunch, Jim Murphy spoke about his process of writing and getting at primary sources, and his innate curiosity that fuels his great books.  He had some nice stories of serendipitously discovering material that later became the meat of his classic books.

After lunch, I went to a session called, “Everyone’s a Critic: The Future of Book Reviewing.”  The panel included the founder of GoodReads, a New York Times Book Critic, and a blogger and librarian, moderated by a reviewer from Booklist.

The session was interesting and fun to listen to.  All the panelists agreed that there is room for everyone, that the different review sources have different purposes.  They did point out that one of the strong points of professional book reviewers is that they are excellent essayists.  Their reviews are good reading, whether you want to read the book or not.

Next, I rushed down to the exhibits and got two books signed by Diana Peterfreund.  I met her back in October at the Kidlitosphere Conference, a few days after I had written a review raving about Rampant.  One of the Advance Reader Copies I was the very most excited to get was her sequel, Ascendant.  It’s not out until October, and now I don’t have to wait!  I also bought my own personal copy of Rampant for her to sign since I liked it so much. Killer unicorns rule!

And right next to Diana, who should be signing but Sarah Blake, the author of the excellent book sitting on my bedside table at the time, about three-quarters done, The Postmistress.  While I was there, I got a signed copy.  Very cool!

After that, I went to “Science Fiction and Fantasy: Informing the Present by Imagining the Future.”  This wasn’t so much a panel discussion as it was five distinguished authors speaking on that topic.  They were good!

Here are some things I particularly liked that they said:

Dom Testa  (He’s on the far right behind a fan.)

The visionaries provoke us into thinking.  Their greatest contributions are their ideas.

Science Fiction can be the driving force behind good things, not just defense against bad things.

Jane Lindskold (on the far right at the table — the rest proceed across to the left.)

Give kids something a little different: Imagination is key in any endeavor.

Libraries are the best place for the combination of knowledge and imagination to happen.

Cory Doctorow

Science Fiction writers are always really writing about the present.

Writers also inspire the future.

Science Fiction allows people to vividly imagine the future consequences of their decisions today.

Science Fiction today is an inherently activist literature.

Cherie Priest

Science Fiction and Fantasy is talking about us right now — especially Steampunk.

“Steampunk is what happens when Goths discover brown.”

With Steampunk, you get to go back and change the rules that bound you.

In Steampunk, if you’re not having fun you’re not doing it right.

It looks to the future by looking to the past.

Brandon Sanderson

Our culture has a fetish for the “real.”

SF and Fantasy write about real things “with dragons” or “in space.”

Fantasy writers are talking about NOW.

When people are more important than ideas, that brings people together and does great things for our world.

***

Alas!  The only thing I didn’t like about that session was that even though I got there before they started, I did not get one of the bags of books the publishers were passing out, to get signed after the talk.  They definitely got me wanting to read their work.  (Brandon Sanderson is the only one of them whose work I have read — and I did get a signed copy of his second Alcatraz book that morning.)

After so much inspiration, I finished the day off by going to the Opening General Session with Toni Morrison speaking.  Good stuff!

I didn’t stay for evening programs, because I was hoping to get plenty of sleep and get there bright and early the next morning for the bloggers’ session.  Unfortunately, I got to posting pictures on Facebook and was way too excited to sleep.  The next day was the pinnacle of the conference…

ALA Annual Conference 2010

ALA, Books, Photos, YA Authors 1

It’s been more than a week since ALA finished, and I had a wonderful time.  Time to report!

I’d had four days at my new job as a Management Analyst for the Office for Children, Provider Services.  It’s a nice job, very peaceful, but it’s not a librarian position.

Going to ALA Annual Conference this year was a no-brainer, since I wouldn’t have to pay for travel (except parking) or a hotel.  And it ended up being a peak experience.  Three years ago, ALA Annual was in DC and I went and was inspired.  But that time, I didn’t see a soul I knew.  This time, every day I saw librarians I’d worked with, bloggers I’d met, and authors whose books I’d reviewed.  I felt like part of the great big wonderful Kidlit community, and it felt good.  I did realize that I am a Librarian by calling, not just by job.

The first night, the main thing going on was the opening of the Exhibits.  I happily filled my bag with free books.  And then I looked up and saw an author I admire, whose newest book was sitting on my bedside stand, a few chapters in:  John Green.

I didn’t come up with anything especially clever to say, but I managed to ask if I could get a picture with him and with his co-author (of that book on my bedside stand) David Levithan:

(David’s on the left, John’s on the right.)

I also went to see the Peachtree book and found my friend and Writing Sister Kristin Wolden Nitz’s new book Suspect prominently displayed.  It will be out in the Fall, and they were giving away Advance Reader Copies.

I finished up the night at the SCBWI sponsored KidLit Drink Night.  Right away, I met Karen Cushman!  Author of The Midwife’s Apprentice and Catherine, Called Birdy, among other great books.

I met lots more authors, some published and some unpublished (like me), and many whom I knew from the DC KidLit Book Club.  I was hoping to meet Betsy Bird of the Fuse #8 Blog, but unfortunately she was in the Emergency Room with a sprained ankle.  I did meet my friend Kristin’s agent and lots of other fascinating people. 

Then I lugged my books home on the Metro and resolved to drive for the rest of the conference.  It was a nice beginning!  Already I’d gotten lots of cool books, met wonderful people, and schmoozed with authors and bloggers and agents and librarians.  And that was in only a few hours.  There were three more long days to come!

A Job!

Musings 0

So, I told about my RIF Notice, but I never told about the happy follow-up.  I was granted a placement.  Human Resources looks for a vacancy at the same pay grade in another county agency and looks at your resume to find one where you might possibly be able to fit.

It was a big surprise.  The day before, they had offered me a half-time Librarian I position.  I had to do a lot of agonizing.  Is half a job better than no job?  I’d need Unemployment compensation either way — I definitely can’t make ends meet in a half-time job.

I decided to turn it down, so they asked me to come in to the office and sign off that I was not interested in any part-time placement.  When I did, they showed me two Management Analyst I positions!  Now, admittedly I was a little annoyed that these were the same paygrade as a Librarian I, yet they don’t require a Master’s degree (like a Librarian position does) and they don’t supervise anyone (like my position did).  However, I did feel like I could do the work — and my paychecks would continue!

So — for three days now, I’ve been working as a Management Analyst I for Family Services, the Office for Children, Community Education and Provider Services.  Basically, we issue permits for family day care homes that have too few children to be licensed by the state.  We also manage the USDA Food Program for all the providers in the county, including School Age Childcare Centers and Head Start programs.

It looks like my job will mainly be managing data, which I admit I find interesting.  I’ll also do quite a bit of unannounced visits to monitor compliance with the USDA Food Program.  So maybe I’ll get to see kids after all.

I am really sad to be away from the books and book lovers of the library, and the sweet children with their parents.  (The not sweet ones?  Not so much!)  However, there are some perks.  The biggest is that I am still getting paid!  But also the hours are much much nicer — 8:00 to 4:30, instead of two days a week 12:30 to 9:00 pm, as I would have to do at the library once the hours are changed.  No more weekends either.

It was strange to come into work and not have to scramble to get the library open!  And I don’t have to worry about problems with the building or customer complaints!  I’m laughing afresh at people who think the library is a calm and peaceful and quiet place to work.  Working in an office is about a hundred times quieter!  And without having to be open to the public, they are very flexible about working hours, so I could change my schedule if I found it was too hard to get there by 8:00.  (So far, I’m almost making it!)

Now, I admit that I will still be looking for a librarian position.  I got that Master’s in Library Science to become a librarian.  However, it’s nice to be looking while I actually have a job — and it looks like I’m going to enjoy this job very much while I have it.   So who could ask for anything more?

Words of Comfort

God's Love, Guidance 0

This weekend, I’m doing Mother Reader‘s 48-Hour Book Challenge.  The Challenge is to spend as much time as possible in a 48-hour period reading and blogging.  Though the challenge is targeted to book bloggers, I didn’t see anything in the rules that declared you had to confine your blogging to blogging about books.  So I think this will be a good time to blog about my last eventful few weeks.

On Tuesday, May 11, what I feared happened — I got a RIF notice.  Due to the library budget cuts, they were having a “Reduction in Force.”  The people who got notices were determined by seniority.  I knew that I was right around the cut-off of who would get RIF’d.  And, sure enough, when they gave me the RIF packet, I was told that I was the most senior Librarian I to get RIF’d.  That’s actually rather a good thing — it gives me a better chance of getting placed somewhere else in the county, since placement is also done in order of seniority.

I half-expected it, but there was no denying that I was sad.  I loved my job as a youth services manager — a children’s librarian.  My co-workers at Herndon Fortnightly Library were wonderful.  I worked there more than two years, and it was a wonderful job.  I had a Mother Goose program with babies a few days later, and it dawned on me how much I will miss those sweet babies.

But God provided me with three most gracious things in the day after I got the notice.

First, on the morning of the day I got the notice, when I strongly suspected that my boss had gotten a call from Library Human Resources, and I was going to get a notice that day, a song I’d heard on the radio kept going through my head.  Here’s the song:

One of the primary emotions I was feeling was fear. How would I pay my rent? What if I didn’t find a job? Would I have to give up having work that was so meaningful to me, that did good for the community, that helped people, including small children and families?

When I was driving home from work after getting the RIF notice, I was listening to a book on CD. When the book finished, the radio came on — and they were playing that exact same song, right at the start.

With words like “Be strong in the Lord.  Don’t give up hope,” “Don’t live life in fear,” and “God’s got his hand on you,” “You’re gonna do great things,” and “Take your time and pray,” the song was just exactly what I needed to hear. God was still in control, I was still in His plan, and things were going to be okay.

The second comforting message from God was in a card from my boss, which showed up on my desk after she left work.  The Sunday before was Mother’s Day, and our pastor had three women from the church give the message.  One of them, a friend of mine, has gone through similar things to what God’s been bringing me through.  She talked about how her life fell completely apart, but God found a way to tell her:  Be still.  Listen to me.  That part of the message truly resonated for me.

Then, on the card from my boss, it said: 

“All the truth and beauty,
all the peace and strength you are seeking
are right there in your heart…
Be still and listen.
Be brave and believe.”

The “Be still and listen” resonated with Sunday’s message, and the next line, “Be brave and believe” reminded me that the reason I do not need to fear is that I truly believe that God can work even this out for good.

A third thing truly touched my heart and felt like it was coming straight to my heart from God.  That was in an e-mail from my friend Mabel who is in my Life Group (a small group from my church that meets weekly to share our lives together).

I read her e-mail the day after I got the RIF notice.  I had been having a low-grade headache since I got the news.  I hadn’t been able to sleep much at all that night, and I was feeling tired and sad and beaten down.

She gave me the verse Revelation 3:8 — “I know your deeds.  See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.  I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.”

She talked about the verse in the e-mail, and how encouraging that was!  Yes, I felt that I had absolutely no strength left.  I had applied to 18 different places, and hadn’t heard anything back except a few rejections.  I had a job that I felt was following God’s calling for me — but now I was losing it.

As God reminded me through Mabel — I am still in God’s hands.

I was a little proud that, after my husband left me, I got my Master’s in Library and Information Science and landed a good job as a librarian.  Now this RIF notice reminded me that this job, was a gift from God, coming exactly when I needed it.  Losing my job felt like a door closing, and I was applying for some jobs that simply didn’t sound as inspiring.  But God was going to open a door for me that no one can shut.  I am safe in His hands.

How good to be reminded of that!

So, God allowed me to go through a dark valley, but He sent me three special words of comfort at the same time.  He is good, and He is loving.

An Opportunity To See What God Will Do

Contentment, Devotional Thoughts, Guidance, Joy, Sunday's Sermon 1

Today’s sermon resonated with me on several levels.  Our pastor spoke about giving and generosity and money — a very timely topic, since I expect to lose my job in a few months and don’t know what I will do.  I also have filed for divorce and don’t know how the settlement will turn out.  So lots of reasons to worry about money, right?

Pastor Ed spoke from I Timothy 6:6-19 to point out two big lies we believe about money, that hinder our generosity.

Lie #1: We think our provision depends on what we do.

If we depend on ourselves, we’re proud.  Even when we worry because we think we haven’t done enough, we’re showing pride, thinking it’s all up to us.

We shouldn’t be like antique collectors, but like a well-appointed distribution center, accepting gifts from God and passing them on to others.

Lie #2:  We believe that we would be happier if we had more resources.

We put our hope in wealth.  We think we aren’t doing so, but our actions say otherwise.  And that’s foolishness.  Wealth is so uncertain.

Here he talked about putting our hope in our own plans.  He talked about how God gave our church a wonderful piece of property, and we planned to pay for a building by selling two outparcels.  But then the real estate market tanked.  However much we were disappointed is however much we were putting our hope in our plans and not in God.  And then we forget to thank Him for His abundant provision — the gift of the land in the first place.

God’s will often is dynamic.  He often doesn’t show us the whole picture right at the start.  We need to walk with Him step by step.

That part of the message resonated beautifully with what God’s been telling me about my divorce.  As I said in my last post, I felt it was time to file for divorce.  But I still worried if I was lacking in faith, not trusting God enough.  Didn’t God tell me, and confirm and reconfirm, that He was making my husband a leader and a witness, and one day our marriage would be restored?  I prayed about it.  I thought this was the right step, but how could filing for divorce be following God’s leading?  Was I just lacking in faith?

Then one day, when I was reading in Hebrews 11, a phrase jumped out at me from the part talking about Abraham sacrificing Isaac.  He did that even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”

If Abraham had been thinking like me, he could have said, “I’m really sure that God told me I’m going to have many descendants through Isaac, so I must be hearing Him wrong about this sacrificing Isaac.  How could that work?”

Hebrews 11 says that Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead.  Abraham had to give up his own plan about how it should happen.

As Pastor Ed emphasized today, my hope should be in God, not in my own plan.  Surely God can resurrect my marriage, but if so it will be through His power, not because of any plans of mine, or any stubborn holding onto my marriage even though my husband has left.

As for my job search, all the rest of the sermon related to that.  I did not get the Assistant Branch Manager position I had applied for at my last posting.  I now have four applications out there for four very different positions.  I don’t know what my chances are for any of those positions.

But as I think about the future, I will not be afraid.  My last three jobs have been complete gifts from God.  (No, pretty much every job I’ve ever had has been that.)  It’s not like God’s going to abandon me now.

I’m bolstered up by two Truths Pastor Ed pointed out from the Timothy passage.

Truth #1:  Our provision comes from God, and that’s where we should place our hope.

Truth #2:  God richly provides for our enjoyment.

Don’t get so caught up in my own plans that I forget to enjoy and thank Him for the many gifts He’s already given!

And that kind of attitude enables me to be generous with what God has provided.  God asks us to be generous, because that’s who we truly are, that’s how we will live “the life that is truly life.”

So, it was a beautifully encouraging morning.  Instead of seeing my probable job loss as a tough trial I’m going through, the sermon reminded me to see it as a wonderful opportunity to see how God is going to provide.

Journeying On

Contentment, Details, Joy, Marriage 2

I had a lot of uncertainty at the end of 2009.  It started with headaches that lasted for weeks.  Then came news that I would probably lose my job.  My husband was to retire from the military soon, and I didn’t know what that would mean for him paying child support.  My Dad had a heart attack.

Well, life goes on.  And we get through!  And God is faithful.

First, my Dad is up and around and recovering.  I got to see him over Christmas, because he bought my son and me a plane ticket to California.  What a treat to see my family!

I had a neurology follow-up appointment on Friday and got to report that I haven’t had one headache to speak of in the month of January!  It’s amazing how much freedom from pain helps my outlook!  I went back on a preventative that I used for about a year three years ago — and it’s working beautifully.  I am so pleased.

As for my marriage, I was right.  My husband’s retirement does mean he’s planning to cut child support.  And it turns out I can’t get half the marital portion of his retirement unless there is a court order, which I can only get in a divorce.

So — I’ve decided to file for divorce.  It was a hard decision to come to, but I feel better and better about it, that the time is right.

Part of what made it difficult is that I truly believe that God has told me that my marriage with my husband will be restored some day.  That I am not supposed to look for a replacement man.  It’s a matter of obedience, for my specific situation, from the specific guidance God gave me.

However, I also believe that God has told me that I need to let my husband go.  That when he comes back to God it will be because of God’s work in his heart, and not anything I have done.

I also have to let go of my fantasy that he will come back because of his loving, forgiving wife who puts up with anything.  There are many laws protecting women in my situation — but only if I invoke them by filing for divorce.  If I just put up with getting along with what my husband sees fit to give me, it doesn’t increase his respect for me.  He concludes that he is right, that that is all I deserve.  It is time to respect myself enough to say that’s enough, that our 23 years of marriage deserve some respect.

Though I admit I wish it hadn’t come to this.

That leaves the job situation.  And this week, I applied for a promotion, for a Librarian III position.  I hadn’t thought I’d be eligible, since I am only a Librarian I, but my boss encouraged me to apply, and when I looked into it, sure enough, I do qualify.  And Librarian III’s are not going to be cut if the proposed budget cuts go through, so that would mean I’d keep my job, get to stay in the public library, and get a pay raise.

I brushed up my resume on Wednesday to get my application in before it closed on Friday.  In the process of doing that, I convinced myself I can do the job, which is the first step!  Although I only have two years experience as a full-fledged librarian, I maintain that my eight years at Sembach gave me a wonderful variety of experience that would apply.  And my ten years teaching math, while not exactly supervising, is still that same type of experience.  So we will see if I can convince them!

But either way, the experience interviewing will be a great thing.  It was also wonderfully therapeutic to focus on my good points and my abilities!  Gave me something to think about that was not the divorce!

It also reminded me how many times God has brought my way the perfect job at the perfect time.  I have been very blessed.  I do not need to be afraid of what the future will hold.

Christmas Letter

Joy, Letters 7

Life is FULL of reasons for Joy!

That’s the motto I’ve adopted for my life as a single Mom and a career woman.  Indeed, 2009 was full of lots of joyful moments:

 ManassasWe moved last Spring!  (Be sure to note our new address.)  Our new place is a rental townhome, and it’s much cozier and more homelike than our old apartment, but much less expensive, so a winner all around.  I have a longer commute to work, but I’m discovering the joy of audiobooks, so I don’t mind.

 TimOnIceRiver

We’ve discovered Virginia is beautiful.  Tim and I had some good times hiking this year at places like Shenandoah National Park, Manassas Battlefield Park, the creek right by our home, and even on a frozen solid creek at the start of the year.

Shenandoah

I’m still thoroughly enjoying my job as Youth Services Manager at Herndon Fortnightly Library.  There’s lots of variety, and I particularly enjoy connecting kids with great books.  With budget cuts, I may be forced to look for a new job next year, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the time I’ve had at this job.

 Tim is a Sophomore at Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology, ranked the number one high school in the nation for the third year in a row by US News and World Report.  He’s not terribly talkative (He’s a teenager!), but I’m pretty sure he likes going there!  He admitted to particularly liking his Computer Science class last year, so this year he’s taking AP Computer Science.  We’ll see if that ends up being the area he specializes in.  (Seniors have to do a research project.)

 Josh is living at my parents’ house in Los Angeles, working for my brothers’ company, writing software that makes graphing calculators easier to use.  He’s proud of his work on Zoom Algebra 300 and Zoom Chemistry.  Now the calculators can do Algebra 2 problems, and show the steps, as well as balance chemical equations.  Check it out at www.zoommath.com.  On the side, he’s still writing screenplays.

 I’m still writing my website of book reviews, www.sonderbooks.com, and still enjoying blogging and connecting with old friends on Facebook.  This Fall, I had several book-related joyful moments: I got to meet my favorite author at the National Book Festival, got to attend a Kidlit Bloggers’ Conference, and got to take an online class on the Newbery Medal.

nbf1 

2010 has lots of uncertainty, but I am certain that God will still be looking after us and continuing to provide an abundance of joyful moments.

 Wishing you much Joy this Christmas,

 Sondy Eklund

MRI Report

Details 5

Yesterday I had an MRI done of my brain.  I’ll find out the results some time next week.

I was looking again at the brochure they give you ahead of time, and I had to laugh.  The brochure says, “You may feel some vibrations.  You will hear a loud, rhythmic tapping from the machine during your study.”  Talk about an understatement!

Getting ready for the exam is rather cozy.  I put on a cotton gown that was quite modest.  They had me lie down on a table and put a pillow under my knees, like how I’d get comfortable in yoga class.  They gave me earplugs because the machine is loud.  They put pillows on either side of my head, which is how I like to sleep (or at least one side of my head) when I’m on my back, anyway.  They gave me a blanket.  To be honest, I’d been wanting to lie down all day!  (In fact, I’d done it a couple times in the break room at work.)  So it felt very good to have someone solicitously telling me to do so and making sure I was comfortable.

I only wish they’d given me pillows for my arms.  My elbows were on the table — and the part of the table that didn’t move, so they kind of hunched up when the table slid me into the machine.  He’d told me to be perfectly still, so I was worried about adjusting them, and my shoulders were tense — and then what seemed like loud alarms went off!  Like Star Trek red alert warnings or perhaps prison break alarms.  Had I moved too much?  Did that mean I shouldn’t breathe?

I kept thinking of the line from Galaxy Quest:  “I know that sound:  That’s a really BAD sound!”  At least it made me laugh — in my head only, because I was still a little afraid to breathe!  Surely they didn’t mean me to be so still I couldn’t breathe, did they?

It took awhile, but I finally figured out that these ominous loud throbbing pulses were the “rhythmic tapping” the brochure had referred to.  They would switch from a high pitched red alert type to a lower pitched more ominous clear for the nuclear warhead sort of sound.

Anyway, I figured out a better way to adjust my hands, and I was almost able to go to sleep.  The pulses were kind of mesmerizing, once you refused to let them alarm you.  With one set, it almost seemed like I could feel the molecules in my brain realigning, which was rather freaky, too.  I tried to sing in my head to go with the beat, and that really helped, especially to make me stop thinking so much about breathing.

They really do need to reword their brochure, though, at least for people whose head is going in the machine.  Let’s see, it could say something like this:

You may feel some violent shaking.  Do not be alarmed.  You will hear loud, ominous pulses through your earplugs, similar to alarms as in a prison break, air raid sirens, or red alert signals on a starship.  Do not worry, and try to breathe normally.  This is all part of aligning the molecules in your brain through the mighty power of magnetic resonance.

Hmm.  I have a feeling I know why they go for understatement.

Yesterday was the 23rd straight day of my headache.  I woke up with it real sharp, but on the opposite side.  That actually encouraged me, because my old migraines had a habit of switching sides right before they were ready to finally leave.  So this was acting more like a “normal” migraine for me.

Then I took an Indomethacin (a strong NSAID) and two Topamax (a new preventative the neurologist prescribed), and had breakfast and rested before work.  The headache pain really let up, but I felt dizzy and sick.

So — at work I looked up Topamax to see if dizziness was a side effect, and, well, I ran across another side effect and combined with something else I’d been experiencing, it dawned on me that the Topamax is completely negating the other medication I am taking to regulate my hormone levels.

So — what this means is:

1)  Topamax is NOT a good preventative for me.

2)  It could actually explain this extra long 24-day headache, because my headaches have always been hormonally related.  The Topamax may have made it worse instead of better.  So I don’t have to be puzzled if the MRI comes back clear, as I hope it does.

3)  It explains why my emotions have been all over the place these past couple of weeks — and especially why I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat.  Whew!  I was starting to think I was just a basket case!

So — I called my neurologist to ask her to take me off the Topamax and put me on something else.  We had discussed the preventative I was on two years ago, which had worked so well, I stopped using it.  I am definitely leaning toward going back to that.  It also happens to be an antidepressant, and with everything else I am facing, I think that would be a nice migraine preventative to use!

However, she is out of the office for a “couple of days”.  Supposedly she had someone else filling in for her, but no one did call me back on Friday.  On my own, I decided to cut back the Topamax to one pill a day on Saturday.  Since they had me start out gradually, they will probably want me to stop gradually, too.

And today, it snowed!  I woke up feeling much better than I did on Friday, and the world is so beautiful!  But I only have three Indomethacin left, so I decided to save them for days when I have to work.  I took the one Topamax and some Naproxen instead, and ended up pretty wiped out with a headache.

I had hoped to go to our Open House at the Library and then do the grocery shopping and then go to a friend’s book launch.  But I ended up doing none of the above.  If I had only had the bad headache, or if it had only been snowing, I might have done some of those things.  But I knew that driving in the snow would have made the headache pretty intense.

Oh and a new weird symptom is a sore neck, particularly when I swallow.  Lymph nodes?  I’m super tired, and it was all I could do to do the laundry and sweep the snow off the steps.  (I knew I should have bought a snow shovel!)

Tomorrow I don’t think I will make it to church, or to the book club I hoped to go to for the first time or to the prayer meeting in the evening.  My big goal for the weekend will be to buy groceries — I will have Tim with me to push the cart, so I think I can pull it off.

I’m developing a new fear that I will use up all my sick leave — which is partly why I’m rationing the last Indomethacin.  I need to use it on days when I work.  I’m still praying and trying to trust.  Whatever in the world is going on, God will get me through.  “When you pass through the waters [or the headaches], I will be with you.”

On the lighter side, I just got this big sense of well-being at the MRI yesterday.  I know people were praying for me; that must have been involved.  I got this nice sense of here is this big huge hospital full of people whose job is to care about how people feel.  And after a day of trying to work while feeling crummy, there was a nice man telling me to lie down and get comfortable and asking me how I was feeling.  It was very nice.  I had a nice meal at the almost empty cafe when I finished, and rush hour had almost finished when I drove home.

Today, too, it’s so nice that the first snow of the year hit a day when I don’t have to work.  I can get some things done, then lie down.  I was up in my room, with the windows open watching it snow, reading the delightful book, The Elegance of the Hedgehog, and I even got to the place where it explains why they call it that.  The roads are supposed to be clear by Monday, so it’s simply snow to make things beautiful for a few days.

All that is to say, hey, I’m not feeling well; I’m actually feeling pretty lousy.  But I’ve got a chance to take care of myself, and that does feel good.

NaNoWriMo Report

NaNoWriMo 0

Today’s the last day of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I specifically took it off to do a last blast on my novel.  But it’s also my 20th day of this headache.  So, I took it easy.  I have found that taking a Maxalt does wipe me out the day I take it but then the headache eases up for a few days, so I took a Maxalt.  I managed to get the grocery shopping done, which I had avoided on the weekend, and the laundry, which my son brought home from his weekend with his Dad.

I did finish writing up a scenario of the vision I have gained for the book.  I’ve definitely gotten less stuck than I was at the start of the month.  I think it could use another month (at least) of brainstorming.  But for December, I want to tackle The Mystical Mantle.  I think I will definitely have new energy for it.

I’m having fun with tracking my progress, though.  I always was a numbers person.  In the past, I never liked using word count.  So much of writing is revising, and you may need to take out more words than you write, so I like to go by time instead.  However, NaNoWriMo led me to see the value of using word count when you are doing a rough draft.  It helps you to keep your hand moving.

Since a lot of my revising of The Mystical Mantle is going to be inserting some new material, I may use some of that for writing the new material.  Anyway, I made myself a new spreadsheet like the one I was using for NaNoWriMo to track my progress, and I can use it for my blogs, too.  It’s rather fun.  I think I will also keep track of my time.  I had already decided to evaluate whether 30 minutes a day is a doable goal for 2010.  I enjoyed the goal of 15 minutes a day in 2009.  Maybe now that I’m in the swing of working full-time, I can do 30 minutes a day in 2010.

Anyway, I hope to still write a review or two tonight, but as far as novel writing goes, I am calling NaNoWriMo done for me for this year.  I did not meet the 50,000 word goal, but all in all, I thoroughly enjoyed participating, so for me it was a grand success. 

Here are my final statistics:

Words written on my novel:  17, 294

Blogging: 15,092 words

Total words, novel plus blogging: 32,386

Reviews written:  18

Other blog entries:  32

That counts Sonderquotes, which are other people’s words, and easy to write up.

All in all, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this focus on writing, and it gave me new energy.  I also got all my pictures put up and the boxes in my room unpacked, so I also feel pretty much moved in to my new home — what’s left is basically putting away some last bits of clutter.

So now all I have to do is get rid of this headache.

Write on!

Best of Lists and NaNoWriMo

Books, Contentment, NaNoWriMo 1

So the end of the year is approaching, and everybody’s coming out with their best of the year lists.

I have to admit that I hate that!  How can you say what were the best books of 2009 when 2009 isn’t over yet?  And of course that would be to admit defeat — to admit that I will not, in fact, finish reading all those great books that are piled at the foot of my bed clamoring to be read.

So, I make my Sonderbooks Standouts lists in the following year.  The years that I was really on top of things, I printed my list on January 1st.  But that was awhile back! 

For my list of the best books I read in 2006, I decided to copy the Newbery Medal and call the list the 2007 Sonderbooks Standouts, since I was making the list in 2007, and I didn’t want it to sound horribly out of date.  Besides, 2007 was practically over by the time I got that list made!  So my list of Standouts goes from 2001 to 2009, but it looks like 2006 is missing whereas really 2009 is missing — does that make any sense?

Anyway, NaNoWriMo is almost done, and I got just slightly slightly more caught up on books I’ve read and want to review.  At the start of the month, there were 35 books waiting to be reviewed, and this morning, there were 30, so I made a tiny bit of headway.  At this moment, there are 31, and I think by the time I go to sleep there may be 33, so it’s not actually great progress.

I did not get very close to the 50,000 word goal for the first draft of a novel.  However, I did experiment with the reckless, brash way of writing through a first draft.  I think I work better with more of a plan — The Weekend Novelist approach of writing key scenes first.  However, with the particular book I was working on this month, I had tried that approach and reached a dead end.  This was like a month of brainstorming that gave it new life.  I think I will spend the next two days printing out what I produced and write out a scenario of what I’ve got, and I think I can come up with a plan for writing that I can really get excited about.

I’m happy that I did NaNoWriMo.  It shook me up.  Reminded me that writing is fun, and that creative juices flow better if you spend more than 15 minutes at a time.

For 2009, I had a New Year’s resolution of writing for at least 15 minutes every single day, and I kept it almost perfectly.  Probably only missed about a week’s worth of days (actually more days this last month, when I had that nasty headache — but I was writing a lot more on the other days, so it was okay).  But I was getting in kind of a rut with that.  I was revising a book I finished a long time ago, and it was getting kind of mechanical, a bit of a drudgery.  I’m hoping I can get back to that book with a bit more excitement now.

So, here are my goals now:

I’ll still keep a word count for the last two days of November.  Let’s see.  For writing plus blogging, I’m up to 30,772.  Think I can write 10,000 words on each of the next two days?  Hmm.  I’m not so sure!  So that won’t be part of the goals.  Here are the goals:

1)  Write up a scenario for the novel I worked on for NaNoWriMo.  All the writing I did got a little incoherent, but some things were coming together.  I’m going to write it up so I can come back to it after December.

For December:

2)  Reviews, Reviews, Reviews!  I want to review all the books I read in 2009 so that I can make my Sonderbooks Standouts lists right at the start of January.  It would be nice to scoop the Newbery and the Printz!

3)  For December, I am going to experiment with a goal of writing on my book for 30 minutes a day, instead of the 15 minutes a day goal I had for 2009.  If it seems do-able, that will be my new goal for 2010.

4)  I want to finish rewriting my earlier book by the end of December!

And then start looking for an agent!  It’s time to SELL that book!  (The Mystical Mantle is a middle grade novel about a princess whose father offers her hand in marriage to the person who wins a quest to gain the Mystical Mantle of Meteorology from the Obstreperous Ogre.  She decides to win the quest herself so she doesn’t have to be a prize.)

I now have four books in different stages of completion.  Unicorn Wings, my first novel, is sitting in a drawer, chalked up to experience.  The Mystical Mantle is being rewritten.  A retelling of One Eye, Two Eyes, Three Eyes is in first draft, and my NaNoWriMo novel is in early shaping stages.

But, see, NaNoWriMo got me to that place.  Before I was slowly, slowly revising The Mystical Mantle, so some day I was going to get back to Duet’s Story. (“One Eye, Two Eyes, Three Eyes” is an awfully long name.)  NaNoWriMo at least showed me the charm of working on one project for a specified period of time!

So, here goes!

And I’m also getting satisfaction out of reporting my progress in this blog.  I always did get a kick out of checking things off, and it has that sort of feel to it.  🙂

So, two days left in November.  I have both days off.  In those days my plan is to somehow consolidate what I’ve written on Dear Diary, my NaNoWriMo novel, so that I can come back to it after I’ve finished rewriting The Mystical Mantle.  I also hope to get as many reviews written as I can and try to get the to-be-reviewed number down to less than 30.

Oh, one other lovely thing about NaNoWriMo is that it transformed what was potentially an awful month into an actually good one!  This is my seventeenth straight day with a headache.  In my worst moments, I’d like them to just hook me up to an IV and make me sleep through them.  Now, mind you since Thanksgiving it’s mostly been a lot less severe.  But still.  This has given me something to be very interested in, something to remind me that life is very very much worth living.  Life is good!  That’s what writing does for me.  And NaNoWriMo reminded me of that.