You Can Opt Out

Although from the outside gaslighting can look like the work of a single, abusive gaslighter, a gaslighting relationship always involves the active participation of two people.  That is, in fact, the good news.  If you’re caught in a gaslighting relationship, you may not be able to change the gaslighter’s behavior, but you can certainly change your own.  Again, it’s not easy, but it is simple:  You can end the gaslighting as soon as you stop trying to win the argument or convince your gaslighter to be reasonable.  Instead, you can simply opt out.

Gaslighting can occur only when a gaslightee tries — consciously or not — to accommodate the gaslighter, or to get him to see things her way, because she so desperately wants his approval so she can feel whole.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 34-35

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