Whenever possible, you want to speak of your lover and your relationship with kindness. That is the overarching message of this book. Look for any way you can be kind to the person you share your life with. Don’t be tempted to say nasty things when your lover screws up or to put your lover down when he or she fails…. Setting boundaries and expressing ourselves is good, but talking about our relationship negatively and highlighting our lover’s failings is bad….
Remember that what comes out of your mouth says more about your character than it does about your partner’s…. We think that we are describing our lover’s weaknesses, but our words and actions are actually showing our own….
The truth is that we can choose how we talk to and about our partner. Sadly, many people choose to discuss their lover negatively…. A lot of relationships struggle with the cost of holding a grudge and the sense of blame it causes. Getting rid of the blame quickly and regularly is hugely important if you want your relationship to thrive and move forward.
Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 201-203