Synergy of Honesty
When the going gets tough, the tough get honest. Lying and evading is the easy way out; honesty takes effort. For one person, putting effort into the relationship means speaking…
Search Results for: Bader Pearson
10 Posts
Empowering Yourself
Recognize that what your partner does is a problem, but it’s not the problem. The problem is how you react to what your partner does. If you make your partner…
Listening
Go on the presumption that your partner has a bigger picture. You may not see it now, and it may not be logical, but it will make emotional sense if…
Neither is Blameless
Make the assumption that neither of you is blameless. Ironically, this reduces the pressure to twist the truth in order to be “right.” — Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter T.…
Give Up Winning
Give up the notion that an argument can be won. People desperately want to win because prevailing and “winning” seem the only way out. When you try to win each…
Truth and Connection
When your partner is making changes that you don’t know how to handle, don’t fall into the lie of “It’s okay. It doesn’t bother me.” Quick dismissals push the other…
Stay Curious
The key here is going slowly and staying curious. Again and again, we have seen couples turn things around simply by asking a lot of questions in the spirit of…
Emerging Differences
At some point in a marriage, differences erupt. It was pleasant to dwell in the fiction that nothing could blight the serenity you shared. You could smirk at couples who…
Growth
Acknowledge that you’re going to disappoint your partner sometime; no one can fulfill all of another person’s fantasies. This may be uncomfortable, but it actually suggests that the relationship is…
Discontent Fuels Growth.
Discontent is what fuels growth — in marriage, in oneself, and in institutions. It’s what propels you to come up with creative solutions and to seek novelty and change. Merely…