Doing Nothing

Acceptance, Growth, Letting Go, Relationships 0

Do nothing. What a concept. With what frequency does your mind savor the idea of doing nothing when a partner or friend pushes your buttons? Probably not very often, unless you have already acquired some understanding of the pitfalls of being too attached to the whims, the behavior, or the attitudes and opinions of others. Simply walking away when our ego really wants to scream in retaliation is not easy. In fact, it may feel nearly impossible. But it can be done. I know; I have learned to do it.

Not responding — in other words, detaching — doesn’t mean we don’t care what the other person is doing or saying to or about us. We may care a great deal. But we have to ask ourselves, Will it help this situation for me to say something? If it honestly will, try to speak lovingly; but in most instances, letting the moment pass will be more fruitful. Adding fuel to the embers of an ugly incident will cause it to erupt into flames that can easily get out of control. We have all been there. We don’t ever have to go there again.

— Karen Casey, Let Go Now, p. 27

Wholehearted Revolution

Acceptance, Beauty, Core Value, Joy, Letting Go, Life 0

Despite where this book will be shelved in your local bookstore, I’m not at all sure that this work is about self-help. I think of it as an invitation to join a Wholehearted revolution. A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, “My story matters because I matter.” A movement where we can take to the streets with our messy, imperfect, wild, stretch-marked, wonderful, heartbreaking, grace-filled, and joyful lives. A movement fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is okay when it isn’t. A call that rises up from our bellies when we find the courage to celebrate those intensely joyful moments even though we’ve convinced ourselves that savoring happiness is inviting disaster.

Revolution might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You’re going to confuse, piss off, and terrify lots of people — including yourself. One minute you’ll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you’ll pray that it never ends. You’ll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that’s how I feel most of the time . . . brave, afraid, and very, very alive.

— Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 126

Our Decision

Joy, Letting Go 0

Making the decision to thoroughly enjoy this or any other day is pretty simple. It relies on our willingness to not let the actions of others take over our minds. We are in charge of what we think, what we say, what we do. Grabbing hold of this principle will change everything.

— Karen Casey, Let Go Now, p. 26

Empowerment in Letting Others Go

Acceptance, Friends, Joy, Letting Go, Relationships 0

The gift of empowerment comes every time we let someone else decide his or her fate. Even the tiny decision someone might be struggling with doesn’t need our input unless asked for. This is not an easy realization to come to grips with. So much of our persona may well be tied to having our friends or family members mirror our choices. And yet, when we lay that expectation on them or simply hold that expectation quietly within, we will experience chaos. No one wants to be controlled. Even when we are subtle about it, it’s recognized and resisted.

You may be wondering what empowerment feels like if this is a new concept to you. It’s probably best understood in terms of synonyms. It’s freedom. It’s peace of mind. It’s not feeling absorbed by the antics of others. It’s clarity of thinking. It’s a feeling of lightness throughout the body. It’s having the time to be joyful and unencumbered.

— Karen Casey, Let Go Now, p. 25

Loving Detachment

Letting Go, Love, Relationships 0

Obsession with the actions of others — wishing he or she would change, wanting more attention or perhaps less, wishing our significant others would let us decide their fate — is so exhausting. When we are caught up in the cycle of obsession, we are seldom even aware of how we are letting our own lives slip away. But slip away they will. Learning how to let go of others and their lives takes willingness, a tremendous commitment to staying the course, and constant practice. If we don’t keep this as a goal for our lives, we will miss the opportunities God is sending us for our own unique growth. We can only do justice to one life; ours.

Being detached from someone does not mean no longer caring for them. It does not mean pretending they no longer exist. It does not mean avoiding all contact with them. Being detached simply means not letting their behavior determine our feelings. It means not letting their behavior determine how we act, how we think, how we pray. Detachment is a loving act for all concerned. No one wants to be the constant center of someone else’s life, at least not for long. Two people lose their lives when either one is constantly focused on the other. That’s not why we are here.

— Karen Casey, Let Go Now, p. 21

Shifting from Worry to Watching

God, Growth, Joy, Letting Go, Prayer, Trials 0

When you stop trying to control your life and instead allow your anxieties and problems to bring you to God in prayer, you shift from worry to watching. You watch God weave his patterns in the story of your life. Instead of trying to be out front, designing your life, you realize you are inside God’s drama. As you wait, you begin to see him work, and your life begins to sparkle with wonder. You are learning to trust again.

— Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life, p. 73

Releasing Other People

Acceptance, God, Letting Go, Relationships 0

When we release people to God’s will for them and stop forcing agendas of our own, people feel it. They are often surprised. Our coercion had often been subtle but palpable. Now we truly are giving more than lip service to the notion of free will. “You are free to behave exactly as you choose” — our new attitude permeates the air. Where before we sought to wrest happiness and satisfaction from people by their doing as we saw fit, now we are coming to them open and vulnerable. We are dependent on God for our happiness and satisfaction. People can do as they please.

Freed from our agendas for them, people often surprise us by behaving with great generosity. No longer resentful of the subtle and not so subtle forms of coercion that we indulged in, people approach us with a new candor. We are able to meet them with a new openness as well. God is doing for us what we were unable to do for ourselves. God is forging relationships that are based on equality and respect, on dignity and autonomy. In our hearts, these are the bonds that we always hungered for but that always seemed to elude us. As we move toward God in good faith, good faith extends into the realm of our relationships. We begin to experience the heady excitement of seeing people as they truly are and not as we “need” them to be to fulfill our agendas. No longer merely ingredients in our self-willed recipe for happiness, people are exuberantly, magnificently, themselves. Seeing them in all their glory, freed from the cloak of our projections, we experience other people as far more genuinely lovable. They experience us that way as well.

— Julia Cameron, Faith and Will, p. 132

Trusting God in Others’ Lives

Faith, God, Growth, Letting Go, Relationships 0

I seldom remember, without some prodding that I initially resist, that God is a factor in every person’s experience. My ego’s first inclination is to think that I am a necessary factor — not just an ordinary necessary factor but the deciding one — in the lives of my friends and family. Giving up control and letting God be the key influence in the lives of my loved ones is not easy. It takes trust. Not only trust in God but also trust in others and in my own willingness to approach my experiences with all of them differently.

The benefit of coming to believe that God is the key factor in everyone’s life is that it releases us from a heavy burden. Too many of us have tried to manage the lives of too many others for far too long. No one gains in that scenario. On the contrary, everyone loses the peace that comes with turning our lives over to the care and guidance of a loving God.

— Karen Casey, Let Go Now, p. 10