Forgiveness

Forgiveness, Letting Go, Love 0

Lack of forgiveness is perhaps the most common block to truly loving and to moving on in life. We stay stuck, holding someone on a hook while of course, in order to do so, we must continue to hold the other end! We need to forgive, and also to accept forgiveness for ourselves. It’s a pity to let someone take up part of your heart and stay fixated on something that’s past. Loving means letting go, and sometimes it also means deciding that the relationship as it was is over.

— Dr. Brenda Davies, Unlocking the Heart Chakra, p. 48

Acceptance

Growth, Healing, Letting Go, Life 0

I put a life together with my family and friends and dogs. I learned to make use of the solitude I now had aplenty. I started writing, wanting to make something useful come from our catastrophe, and working hard, I began to be happy….

I lived with this shame a long time before I could speak of it. Finally I told my sister. “But it’s not about Rich’s accident,” Eliza said. “You don’t want to return to unhappiness. That’s all.” I will never forget that instant of absolute clarity. And just like that, I was free.

— Abigail Thomas, A Three Dog Life, p. 123

Doing All the Work

Letting Go, Love, Relationships 0

Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship-defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized….

Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, the work?

We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help ourselves, the other person, or the relationship by trying to force it or by doing all the work.

Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.

— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 325

Enjoy What’s Good.

Healing, Joy, Letting Go 0

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind….

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what’s good.

— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 282-283

Making Mistakes

Compassion, Forgiveness, Growth, Letting Go, Life 0

Trying to be what I am not, and cannot be, is not only arrogant, it is stupid. . . . If I make myself a martyr to appease my false guilt, then I am falling into the age-old trap of pride. I fall into it often. . . . If I am not free to accept guilt when I am wrong, then I am not free at all. If all my mistakes are excused, if there’s an alibi, a rationalization for every blunder, then I am not free at all. I am subhuman. . . . I do all kinds of things which aren’t right, which aren’t sensitive or understanding. I neglect all kinds of things which I ought to do. . . . One reason I don’t feel guilty is that I no longer feel I have to be perfect. I am not in charge of the universe, whereas a humanist has to be. . . this inability presents her with a picture of herself which is not the all-competent, in-control-of-everything person she wants to see.

— Madeleine L’Engle, Summer of the Great-Grandmother

Let Go

Joy, Letting Go 0

Don’t try to hold on to this mountaintop experience. Indeed, never try to hold on to anything, but let go immediately and willingly in order to be ready to receive the new joys and riches which I am preparing for you.

— Hannah Hurnard, Winged Life

For Love of Him

God, Growth, Letting Go 0

In every giving up, whether it be of those who are daily our delight, or of our own desires, for love of Him who died for us; in every little private resolve of the heart to do the thing that pleaseth Him, whatever the cost, and to do it not with a grudging spirit but with glad abandon; in every such experience, however small, we may have fellowship with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ.

— Amy Carmichael, Thou Givest . . . They Gather