Control Is an Illusion.

Letting Go, Relationships 0

Control is an illusion.  It doesn’t work.  We cannot control alcoholism.  We cannot control anyone’s compulsive behaviors — overeating, sexual, gambling — or any of their behaviors.  We cannot (and have no business trying to) control anyone’s emotions, mind, or choices.  We cannot control the outcome of events.  We cannot control life. Some of us can barely control ourselves.

People ultimately do what they want to do.  They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling); they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change.  It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and we’re right.  It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves.  It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with, us.  It doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter.

The problem was, I didn’t know that then.  I thought controlling and taking care of other people was my duty, my God-given job.  My motto from then on became “Do for others what they refuse to , but should, be doing for themselves.”  If other people don’t want to be responsible I’ll pick up that slack.

— Melody Beattie, Playing It By Heart, p. 148

Loving What Is

Letting Go, Life 0

I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.  We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration.  We don’t feel natural or balanced.  When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.

— Loving What Is, by Byron Katie, p. 2

Angry or Joyful

Joy, Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

Starting arguments, blaming others, or internalizing anger is not the way to go through life.  Treat the problem knowing that you will get through it, and you will be a better person because of it.  Remember, you can spend your life being angry or joyful.  You control only one thing: your thoughts.  So find the serenity within yourself.  Or as my wife says, “Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight.”  Keep your sense of humor, express your feelings, and recognize your power, and you will spend more time at peace than at war.

— Bernie Siegal, M.D., Love, Magic & Mudpies, p. 186

Clutter Steals Our Space

Letting Go, Life 0

Repeat after me:  I only have the space I have.  It comes back to living in the present.  You need space to live a happy, fruitful life.  If you fill up that space with stuff for “the next house,” your present life suffers.  Stop claiming your house is too small.  The amount of space you have cannot be changed — the amount of stuff you have can. . . .  Hoarding for “someday” is never worth it.  If you’re really going to be that much richer, you’ll be able to afford the stuff you need when you need it.

— Peter Walsh, It’s All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff, p. 40

Our Own Journey

Letting Go, Life, Relationships 0

Minding other people’s business simply isn’t the work we are here to do, regardless of how seductive the idea may be.  We each must make our own journey, and even when it appears that someone we love is making a poor decision about an important matter, unless we are asked for advice, it’s not our place to offer it.  Besides, minding your own business will keep you as busy as you would ever need to be.

— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 45

You Don’t Have to Listen

Growth, Letting Go, Relationships 0

He won’t change unless he wants to.  If his partner confronts his verbal battering, if she recognizes it for what it is, if she asks for change and he refuses, if his attitude is, as one abuser put it, “I can say anything I want!” the partner may realize that he can say anything he wants, however, she may also realize that there is nothing heroic about staying around to hear it.

— Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, p. 34

Don’t Get Ahead of Your Nose

God, Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

God’s presence can’t be experienced except moment by moment, and that means we have to show up in each moment.  Getting ahead of this moment in regard to our relationships, our vocations, our dreams, and aspirations simply prevents us from knowing God. . . .

In my role as a mentor to a number of young women, I often say, “Don’t get ahead of your nose.”  It’s a great reminder that one is projecting, and it quickly brings us back to the present.  I also suggest that whenever thoughts of the future come into your mind, you envision blowing them away.  This may sound silly but it’s effective.  I have used it for years.

Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 29

Scar Tissue

Healing, Letting Go, Trials 0

There isn’t anything that happens that can’t teach us something, that can’t be turned into something positive.  One can’t undo what’s been done, but one can use it creatively….  The only thing is to accept, and let the scar heal.  Scar tissue is the strongest tissue in the body….  So, I shouldn’t be surprised if it’s the strongest part of the soul.

— Madeleine L’Engle, A House Like a Lotus, quoted by Carole F. Chase in Glimpses of Grace, p. 271