Grieving

Compassion, Healing, Life, Trials 0

It seems to me that I and most of the people I know have forgotten how to grieve like this — not only for others but for ourselves.  We have forgotten how to grieve at all.  It no longer comes naturally to us.  We have to learn it from self-help books and therapists.  Or we have to do without.

All I have to offer you is a list of don’ts.  Don’t forbid painful topics.  Don’t judge.  Don’t preach.  When people tell you of their pain, don’t say anything at all.  Don’t think, if you can help it, at least at first.  Just hear it and, if you can, cry.  Cry for them and for yourself, because you, too, have suffered such things, or will.  Cry that there is evil in this world, that we are all of us sometimes the victims and often the perpetrators of it.  Cry that people, however messed up, and even if they themselves caused the misery in which they find themselves, have to suffer at all….  Remind yourself of these truths about the pain of our world and the sins that occasion it.  Others’ sins.  Our own sins.  Because it is only this grieving, this taking of a knee, that truly comforts us, that connects us to one another and to God.

— Patty Kirk, Confessions of an Amateur Believer, p. 96

A Bright Future

Core Value, Healing, Inspiration, Joy, Life 0

You can outgrow the wounds of the past with a deep appreciation of yourself, your courage, sensitivity, resilience, and desire for a better life.  You have enormous power and potential to become the person you were meant to be.  Appreciate your strengths and resilience.  Trust your inner voice — it tells you that you do not need to have value poured into you from outside sources.  Your vessel is full and ready to “runneth over.”  As you feel the light of your core value within, you can make it shine out of you, to illuminate all your days.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 316

Forgiving for Your Own Sake

Forgiveness, Healing, Relationships 0

One of the great misconceptions about forgiveness is that it is the same as reconciliation.  Reconciliation is deciding whether or not to talk to your lover again after an infidelity.  Forgiveness is deciding whether or not to let go of the anger and despair you feel because you did not get the loyal partnership you wanted.  Reconciliation means reestablishing a relationship with the person who hurt you.  Forgiveness means making peace with a bitter part of your past and no longer blaming your experiences on the offender.  You can forgive even if you don’t want to have any further relationship with the person who hurt you….

Forgiving someone does not require that you condone that person’s unkind, inconsiderate, or selfish behavior.  To forgive is to let go of the extra suffering you have imposed on yourself after the normal cycle of grief has run its course….

Forgiveness acknowledges that we were disappointed but allows us not to stay stuck in the past….

Forgiveness is about today and not yesterday.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 21-26

Necessary for Healing

Forgiveness, Healing, Life, Relationships 0

Forgiveness can wrap up the grief, but it does not prevent the inevitable and necessary suffering.  When there is a serious injury or loss, there is no way to avoid pain.  If you want to have a satisfactory future, you will need to feel the loss and then let go of the hurt it has caused you.  You need to forgive.

Even if you decide to divorce after a betrayal, you will still need to forgive….  When you forgive, you are able to be at peace even though rejection, disloyalty, and dishonesty have been a part of your life.

Your best chance for successful future relationships and overall happiness is to forgive your former partner.  Forgiveness is not a substitute for grief, nor does it preclude the pain caused by your partner’s cheating.  But it does gently allow your grief to ebb so that you can move on and live a successful life.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 21

New Opportunities

Core Value, Healing, Joy, Life 0

So now you have the opportunity to keep your life gaslight-free and go on to a new future.  You have the chance to rework or leave unsatisfying relationships and choose new relationships that feed your sense of self, your vitality, and your joy.  You have the chance to become a stronger, more solid person who charts her own course and lives by her own values.  Most important, you have the chance to discover what you truly want — in your work, your home life, your relationships, and yourself.  Freed from the Gaslight Effect, you can make better choices, choices that are right for you.  As you begin this exciting new portion of your life’s journey, I wish you strength and spirit and all the luck in the world.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 233

Transformed Sinners

Forgiveness, Healing 0

We do know this — any offender who is restored by God’s grace is not simply returned to where he was before it all took place.  Through the Lord’s great mercy, guilty sinners can be declared guilt-free and restored to lives of greater fruitfulness than they ever dreamed possible.

— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 111

Working Together for Good

Forgiveness, God, Healing, Life, Trials 0

If you’re a child of God, the ordeal you’re undergoing, however wrong or unfair or heartless it may be or may have been, in His providence and skillful hands will be used to take you somewhere good — deeper into His heart, to a place of greater dependence and trust, more perfectly refined into the likeness of Christ.

— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 107

Relationship Failure?

Healing, Relationships 0

Perhaps the greatest relationship failure we can have is invalidating our relationship history or present circumstances by becoming cynical, hopeless, embittered, or ashamed.  Our histories aren’t a mistake.  Our present circumstances aren’t a mistake.  We may have made choices that need correcting.  We may want to make new decisions as we grow.  We may discover patterns that need unraveling.  But we can learn and gain from each relationship we’ve encountered.  Our relationships are a reflection of our growth, and often our relationships have contributed to that growth.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 148

A Gift to the World

God, Healing, Joy, Life 0

A sacred choice is an extremely personal decision for each of us.  Only you can make that decision.  By listening to your spirit, by having a good relationship with God — it’s amazing how much easier this is once you change those tribal beliefs about who God is and what God thinks of you — and by being willing to heal yourself, the choice will be clear.  And thanks to the ripple effect, everyone around you will feel your happiness and high vibration.  What a wonderful gift to give the world.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 306

Living in tune with your spirit

Healing, Joy, Life 0

Trust me when I say, if something raises your vibration, you will know it.  If you think you are not sure, it’s because you are afraid to admit that your vibration is lowered by a particular person, activity, or way of life.

It takes great courage to start living vibrationally because it will require you to be rigorously honest about where you are putting your energy in life.  And before you start thinking I am condoning a self-centered way of life, consider this:  How self-centered do you think you become when you are resentful, angry, and conflicted because you are doing something you don’t want to?  Quite a lot.

Living vibrationally doesn’t mean avoiding the things you dislike — it means living in integrity with your spirit.

When you live vibrationally, you can take responsibility for your happiness.  If you feel trapped, find and change the tribal belief that is trapping you.  If you feel resentful, look at the situation you have chosen in order to remain true to your tribe.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 283-284