The ultimate issue isn’t whether people deserve your negative thoughts; certainly many people do. The more important point is that they are your thoughts in your head, and you want them to be as beneficial to you as possible.
It’s impossible to appreciate and feel devalued at the same time.
— Steven Stosny, Living and Loving After Betrayal, p. 67
[Photo: Assateague Island, October 24, 2016]
When we are feeling guilty, we withdraw, because we are afraid of doing the same thing over again. We either remove ourselves from the path of life or attack those around us to get away from feeling guilty. In the same way, if we lay guilt on those around us, they will respond either by withdrawing from us or by becoming aggressive back at us. Everyone hates guilt. It is the hot potato we always try to pass on to the people around us. We never want to take responsibility for our guilt, because it just feels bad. It is the destructive illusion that creates, either within or outside us, exactly what it is trying to stop. Our willingness to let go of our guilt allows us to remember our own and everyone’s innocence.
— Chuck Spezzano, If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love, p. 324
Photo: South Riding, Virginia, October 12, 2014
If you were defined in any way, you heard nonsense, irrational comments, and pretend talk.
No one can take away your freedom to define yourself. Self-definition is the gift of consciousness. The moment you think of the abusive comment, focus on this affirmation because you truly are self-defining and so you will not entertain the comment for a moment longer.
If you happen to be in the presence of someone who negatively defines you, it is okay to laugh at his or her irrational behavior.
— Patricia Evans, Victory Over Verbal Abuse, p. 98
Photo: Ross Castle, Ireland, July 2001
Fulfilling your purpose, with meaning, is what gives you that powerful spark of energy unique to only you. The result is an electrifying current of clarity rising from the deepest part of yourself. By tapping into that source, you will no longer feel like the salmon swimming upstream. Instead, people will finally see the highest, truest version of you and stand in awe, wondering how you achieved your dreams.
— Oprah Winfrey, The Wisdom of Sundays, p. 175
[Photo: Above Gundersweiler, Germany, July 1998]
Emotions are sometimes complicated, but in terms of motivation, they’re not rocket science. You prove to yourself that you’re respectable, valuable, and lovable by respecting, valuing, and loving. There’s really no other way to do it. (Other people respecting, valuing, and loving you won’t feel genuine if you’re not respectful, valuing, and loving.) And if you prove these things to yourself, you won’t feel a need to prove them to anyone else. Respectful, valuing, and loving people will recognize these qualities in you. As for those who do not, you can sympathize with their need to heal and grow.
— Steven Stosny, Living and Loving After Betrayal, p. 62
[Photo: Haut Koenigsbourg, Alsace, France, September 28, 1997]
Living our purpose is one of the keys to finding happiness. Many of us wonder what our purpose is, but our purpose is not really something we do, it is something we are. The more we unfold ourselves, the more we develop ourselves, the more we hear the call to what we truly want to do, the more we find our happiness. Doing what we truly want to do, with integrity, brings us happiness and fulfillment.
— Chuck Spezzano, If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love, p. 320
[Photo: Hug Point, Oregon, November 10, 2015]
Although we have an innate drive to create value, we have to make choices of who and what to value. A sunset has value if, and only if, you give it value — you invest energy and effort to fully perceive it, thus allowing you to appreciate it. While it does nothing for the sunset if you value it, valuing it does wonders for you. The moment of value creation makes you feel more vital, engaged, interested, appreciative — in short, more alive. Life means more to you at the instant you create value, just as it means less to you when you are not creating value. Most positive emotion, passion, meaning, purpose, and conviction come from creating value, and most emptiness, aggression, and depression result from failure to create value.
— Steven Stosny, Living and Loving After Betrayal, p. 57-58
[Photo: Waterside Inn, Chincoteague, Virginia, November 2017]
We all have to show our vulnerabilities. We all have to learn that it is okay to be vulnerable and that no one is perfect. Friendships are often the best place to show this vulnerability. The next time you are with your friends, observe who is allowing their true selves to show, warts and all, and who is keeping the barriers up, presenting themselves and their lives as perfect. It may be you.
— Lorna Byrne, Love from Heaven, p. 56
Honoring the worth of our emotions — no matter what they are or how little we or others understand them — is a skill that changes the entire tenor of our lives.
— Ken Page, Deeper Dating, p. 192
[Photo: Hug Point, Oregon, November 10, 2015]
The experience of value gives a heightened sense of vitality — you feel more alive looking at a beautiful sunset, connecting to a loved one, knowing genuine compassion for another person, having a spiritual experience, appreciating something creative, committing to a cause, or identifying with a community. Valuing gives a greater sense of authenticity and often a greater sense of connection. High value investment gives meaning and purpose to life, with a stronger motivation to improve, create, build, appreciate, connect, or protect.
— Steven Stosny, Empowered Love, p. 82
[Photo: South Riding, Virginia, June 6, 2018]