Mma Ramotswe was right: evil repaid with retribution, with punishment, had achieved half its goal; evil repaid with kindness was shown to be what it really was, a small, petty thing, not something frightening at all, but something pitiable, a paltry affair.
— Alexander McCall Smith, The Miracle at Speedy Motors
Throughout this book, I’ve been carrying on about men and finding them and getting them and keeping them and deciding whether or not to kill them, and if so, how, and so on. And that’s all funny and mostly true and all that, but the real truth is you are enough — just the way you are, just who you are. You are a complete entity, a whole person, right there in the skin you’re in. You don’t need to have a guy to be happy. Admit it: You have more fun with a gang of girlfriends than you’ve had on the absolute best date of your entire life. If somebody comes along who treats you right and makes you happy and you can do the same for him, well, that’s just dandy. But I’m telling you, the only way that I know to get and keep a happy, healthy relationship is first to create a happy and healthy life for yourself without one. This is your life to live.
— Jill Conner Browne, The Sweet Potato Queens’ Field Guide to Men, p. 206
It’s a good thing to have all props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand. It stops us from taking anything for granted.
— Madeleine L’Engle, The Summer of the Great-Grandmother, quoted in Glimpses of Grace, compiled by Carole F. Chase, p. 104
When my children were young, they loved brightly colored helium balloons. But sometimes either accidentally or purposely, they’d let go of the string. There they’d stand, with tears in their eyes, watching their precious balloon fly high into the heavens until it disappeared from sight.
When that happened, I’d tell them a story.
“Don’t cry,” I’d say. “God’s up there. And you know what? He catches every balloon you let go of. He’s keeping all of them just for you. Someday, when you get to heaven, you’ll get every one back.”
My children are older now; so am I. But we still believe God’s saving our balloons for us.
And I believe God catches all our balloons too — each one we let go of. Only we don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to get them back. The best and most perfect of our balloons, the ones just right for us, He gives back as soon as we’re ready to accept them. Sometimes, He gives back better ones than we let go of.
— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 243
Frankly, I think it’s time we take a page out of their book. The next time a guy you have a remote interest in fails to call you when he says he will, do not ponder the potential whys and wherefores of the situation. If at all possible, be so busy with your own wonderful life that you simply don’t even notice he hasn’t called. It would be great if you could just be so involved having a Big Time with all the people in your life who do right that if in fact he does call at some point, it takes you a minute to remember who he is.
— Jill Conner Browne, The Sweet Potato Queens’ Field Guide to Men, p. 195
My faith in God, who is eternally loving and constant even as my understanding grows and changes, makes life not only worth living, but gives me the courage to dare to disturb the universe when that is what el calls me to do. Sometimes simply being open, refusing to settle for finite answers, disturbs the universe. Questions are disturbing, especially those which may threaten our traditions, our institutions, our security. But questions never threaten the living God, who is constantly calling us, and who affirms for us that love is stronger than hate, blessing stronger than cursing.
— Madeleine L’Engle, Stone for a Pillow, p. 140, quoted in Glimpses of Grace, compiled by Carole F. Chase
“But of course!” said the Spirit, shining with love and mirth so that my eyes were dazzled. “That’s what we all find when we reach this country. We’ve all been wrong! That’s the great joke. There’s no need to go on pretending one was right! After that we begin living.”
— from The Great Divorce, by C. S. Lewis
For the Christian who has embraced God’s sovereignty, the choice is God’s; and the result, whatever that choice may be, is rejoicing. In Him is our joy and peace. If He gives marriage, then in marriage we rejoice. If He gives singleness, we rejoice in singleness. In whatever state we are, we know contentment.
— Margaret Clarkson, So You’re Single, p. 117
What is more (and I can hardly find words to tell you how important I think this), it is just the people who are ready to submit to the loss of the thrill and settle down to sober interest, who are then most likely to meet new thrills in some quite different direction. The man who has learned to fly and become a good pilot will suddenly discover music; the man who has settled down to live in the beauty spot will discover gardening.
This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go — let it die away — go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow — and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. But if you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them artificially, they will all get weaker and weaker, and fewer and fewer, and you will be a bored, disillusioned old man for the rest of your life. It is because so few people understand this that you find many middle-aged men and women maundering about their lost youth, at the very age when new horizons ought to be appearing and new doors opening all round them. It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy.
— C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Some days, we may do particularly well. We may assertively refuse someone’s invitation to be codependent. We may deal well with a particular conflict or feeling. We may have a few moments of intimacy or closeness. We may buy ourselves something special, then not wreck it by telling ourselves we don’t deserve it.
Some days, we may have to look more closely to notice what we did. Maybe we took time out to rest when we were tired. We said The Serenity Prayer during a trying moment. Things got crazy and we detached when we noticed ourselves getting hooked in.
On our worst days, we still look for something we’ve done toward recovery. Sometimes the best we can do is feel good about what we did not do. We pat ourselves on the back because we didn’t run to the nearest bar, drag home an alcoholic, and fall in love with him or her. For some of us, that’s real progress and not to be overlooked on the gray days.
All the days count. Believe in recovery. Our lives and experiences can be different and better. The process of getting better is happening right now, this moment, in our lives.
— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 236-237