“I’m here to say we can’t control anything. This is why being single doesn’t give us independence, why having personal wealth doesn’t give us protection, why having raised our children doesn’t set us free, or any of the zillion other conclusions our culture draws from the assumption that the key to control is to rely on ourselves first.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 107
“Although not knowing may itself seem like a bad thing, I am convinced it is one of the great gifts of the dark night of the soul. To be immersed in mystery can be very distressing at first, but over time I have found immense relief in it. It takes the pressure off. I no longer have to worry myself to death about what I did right or wrong to cause a good or a bad experience — because there really is no way of knowing. I don’t have to look for spiritual lessons in every trouble that comes along. There have been many spiritual lessons to be sure, but they’ve been given to me in the course of life; I haven’t had to figure out a single one.”
— Gerald G. May, The Dark Night of the Soul, p. 15
“Some things are simple, and here’s one of them: You can either relax and let go of your life, in which case you will know peace. Or you can try to control your life, in which case you will know war.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 110
“Happiness is that simple. Once you discover what the Lord wants you to do, and you start doing it, you will achieve happiness….
“If God has told you to stand for marriage restoration, you will not be happy doing anything else.”
— Robert E. Steinkamp, The Prodigal’s Pen, p. 59
“In the history of humankind, no one has ever felt more lovable by hurting someone he loves.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 41
“I believe God has exciting, interesting things in store for each of us. I believe there is an enjoyable, worthwhile purpose — besides taking care of people and being an appendage to someone — for each of us. I believe we tap into this attitude by taking care of ourselves. We begin to cooperate. We open ourselves up to the goodness and richness available in us and to us….
“Ultimately, we may even discover this astounding truth: Few situations in life are ever improved by not taking care of ourselves and not giving ourselves what we need. In fact, we may learn most situations are improved when we take care of ourselves and tend our needs.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 104, 107
“The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people’s business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 103
“We obviously can’t let go if we are waiting to be saved. Certainly there are real victims, but most of us put ourselves in this role needlessly. And we do it every day.
“When our goal is to maintain our sense of wholeness and connectedness regardless of what the day throws at us, we simply will not become a victim. Nothing is ‘beyond our control’ because we are not interested in control. We let the people and situations we encounter be who and what they are. We are not motivated to reform or remake them. This doesn’t mean we like how everyone behaves, nor does it mean that we fail to protect ourselves and loved ones from destructive people. But if we commit ourselves to changing even pleasant people when they don’t want to change, we instantly become victims of their reactions. Each little response to our efforts pulls at the strings of our emotions.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 8-9.
“Even if you choose not to continue your marriage, you still have to recover from the trauma you’ve been through. The road to recovery can be a stimulus for growth whether you travel it with your partner or you make your way alone. It’s a difficult road, but it is passable and well traveled for all its difficulties, and it’s important to know that it is there for you and anyone who wants to follow it.”
— Shirley P. Glass, NOT “Just Friends,” p. 12
“If we turn a bitter face to the world, for whatever reason, we can expect little else in return. If, however, we face adversity with a sense of humor and hold to a base of gratitude for what we have, we’re likely to find people responding to us in kind.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 50