Ask God to help us think.  Every morning, I ask Him to give me the right thought, word, or action.  I ask Him to send His inspiration and guidance.  I ask Him to help me solve my problems.  I believe He does help.  I know He does.  But He expects me to do my part and think.  Some days go better than others.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 152

The Mirror of Love

“I’m convinced that we use resentment and anger to punish loved ones, not so much for their behavior as for the pain we feel from our reflections in the mirror of love.  In other words, it’s what we take their behavior to mean about us that causes us distress, resentment, and anger.”

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 48

A Cock-Eyed Optimist?

“It is far easier, it seems to me, to become a cynic than it is to work beyond disappointments and rise above wounds.  We must be willing to trust again and expect better than we’ve received.  True cynics who believe they have become experts at seeing through people have actually succumbed to a different kind of blindness.  If we want love, it is better to look for the good in people, even if it means being somewhat of a cock-eyed optimist.”

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 81

How to Feel Crazy

“We feel crazy because we are lying to ourselves.  We feel crazy because we are believing other people’s lies.  Nothing will help us feel crazy faster than being lied to.  Believing lies disrupts the core of our being.  The deep, instinctive part of us knows the truth, but we are pushing that part away and telling it, ‘You’re wrong.  Shut up.'”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 123

Accepting Ourselves

“Codependents cannot change until we accept our codependent characteristics — our powerlessness over people, alcoholism, and other circumstances we have so desperately tried to control.  Acceptance is the ultimate paradox:  we cannot change who we are until we accept ourselves the way we are.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 121

We Are Okay

“Who we are right now is okay.  In fact, codependents are some of the most loving, generous, good-hearted, and concerned people I know.  We’ve just allowed ourselves to be tricked into doing things that hurt us, and we’re going to learn how to stop doing these things.  But those tricks are our problems; they are not us.  If we have one character defect that is abhorrent, it is the way we hate and pick on ourselves.  That is simply not tolerable nor acceptable any longer.  We can stop picking on ourselves for picking on ourselves.  This habit is not our fault either, but it is our responsibility to learn to stop doing it.

“We can cherish ourselves and live our lives.  We can nurture ourselves and love ourselves.  We can accept our wonderful selves, with all our faults, foibles, strong points, weak points, feelings, thoughts, and everything else.  It’s the best thing we’ve got going for us.  It’s who we are, and who we were meant to be.  And it’s not a mistake.  We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us.  Believe it.  It makes life much easier.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 112-113