Finding Our Core Gifts

Core Value, Joy 0

The quickest way to access your Core Gifts is by using the small moments of joy and meaning in your life as springboards. All of us, no matter how desperate our situation, experience moments when we feel nourished and inspired in our lives. We know when our heart feels particularly touched, when our spirit is quickened, when we feel loved, or when we are making a difference in someone’s life. Moments when we truly love who we are.

We can use these experiences in two important ways to change our lives and speed our intimacy journey. First, when we open to these positive experiences more fully and stay with them just a bit longer than we might normally do, we actually develop our capacity for love. These moments are more than moments; they are actually portals, and the more we enter into them, the more our ability to love grows.

Second, when we pay attention to the experiences that fill our hearts, we discover what types of interactions and experiences inspire us and encourage us to open up and trust. When we take the time to notice these patterns, it’s like a connect-the-dots game. What emerges is a picture of our Core Gifts.

— Ken Page, Deeper Dating, p. 40

Grace

Compassion, Forgiveness 0

Grace means suddenly you’re in a different universe from the one where you were stuck, and there was absolutely no way for you to get there on your own. When it happens — when you stop hating — you really have to pinch yourself. Jesus said, and this is not an exact quote, “The point is to not hate and kill each other today, and if you can, to help the forgotten and powerless. Can you write that down and put it by the phone?”

— Anne Lamott, Small Victories, p. 149

Practicing Gratitude

Gratitude, Life, Love 0

Gratitude is a spiritual practice. Every time you give thanks for your life, even if it’s only for green lights and free parking spaces, you take a step closer to love. Gratitude always takes you in the direction of love. Gratitude takes you to your heart. Practicing gratitude helps you to cultivate a loving awareness for your life and for yourself. When you remember to give thanks you feel blessed, not just for what you have but also for who you are. Practicing gratitude helps you to remember the basic truth I am lovable. The more you practice gratitude, the more you become who you really are.

— Robert Holden and Louise Hay, Life Loves You, p. 158

The Culmination of the Gospel

Faith, God, Love 0

This is the culmination of the Gospel, it is the Good News par excellence: Jesus, who was crucified, is risen! This event is the basis of our faith and our hope. If Christ were not raised, Christianity would lose its very meaning; the whole mission of the Church would lose its impulse, for this is the point from which it first set out and continues to set out ever anew. The message which Christians bring to the world is this: Jesus, Love incarnate, died on the cross for our sins, but God the Father raised him and made him the Lord of life and death. In Jesus, love has triumphed over hatred, mercy over sinfulness, goodness over evil, truth over falsehood, life over death.

— Pope Francis, The Spirit of Saint Francis, p. 51.

Witnessing the Anguish

Compassion, Forgiveness 0

Victims need to feel they are being heard and affirmed. The best way to do this is to not argue the facts of their stories or the ways they are hurting. If your spouse says you lied last Wednesday, and you lied to them last Thursday, it will not help rebuild the trust by arguing the date of the offense. If your child says, “You did not show up to my football game, and you are never there for me,” it does not serve a healing purpose for you to counter with all the other football games you have attended as irrefutable proof you are there for your child.

When people are hurting, they cannot be cross-examined out of their pain. We all want our pain to be acknowledged and understood. We all want to feel safe to express our hurt feelings in all their various forms and textures. If you argue with the person you have harmed, that person will not feel safe, nor will that person feel understood. When someone is hurt, that person wants his or her pain to be understood and validated. Without that understanding, the forgiveness process will stall and you will both remain trapped in an endless loop of telling the story and naming the hurt. Empathy is the gateway to forgiveness for you and for the one you have harmed.

— Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving, p. 178-179

Made to Shine

Core Value, Joy, Life 0

Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are ignoring the owner’s manual your Creator gave you. What I know for sure is this: You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. To be more extraordinary. To use every moment to fill yourself up.

— Oprah Winfrey, What I Know For Sure, p. 109

Keeping a Journal

Growth, Life, Writing 0

Keeping a journal has taught me that there is not so much new in your life as you sometimes think. When you reread your journal you find out that your latest discovery is something you already found out five years ago. Still, it is true that one penetrates deeper and deeper into the same ideas and same experiences.

— Thomas Merton, A Thomas Merton Reader, p. 195

Love Working Through Us

Forgiveness, Growth, Love, Relationships 0

I have to believe that a real higher power is struggling in this as much as we are. But horribly, if healing and care are going to get done, it will be love working through us. Us! In our current condition, not down the road, when we are in the fullness of our restoration, in wholeness, compassionate detachment, patient amusement. Us, now. It has taken years for me to get this well, which is to say, half as reactive and a third less obsessed with my own neurotic disappointing self. I don’t agree with the pace of how slowly we evolve toward patience, wisdom, forgiveness. Anyone would understand if we gave up and settled, the way people settle for terrible marriages. But these are our lives. So we try, we do the work of becoming saner and more authentic, which is hard enough without truly monstrous people crashing into our lives, often — not always — through marriage, although I am not going to name names. Well, maybe just one. . .

— Anne Lamott, Small Victories, p. 268

Courage

Life, Relationships 0

Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage. In a world where scarcity and shame dominate and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Uncomfortable. It’s even a little dangerous at times. And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of feeling hurt. But as I look back on my own life and what Daring Greatly has meant to me, I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I’m standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.

— Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 248-249