Statement of Core Value

“I am worthy of respect, value, and compassion, whether or not I get them from others.  If I don’t get them from others, it is necessary to feel more worthy, not less.  It is necessary to affirm my own deep value as a unique person (a child of God).  I respect and value myself.  I have compassion for my hurt.  I have compassion for the hurt of others.  I trust myself to act in my best interests and in the best interests of loved ones.”

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 14

Not a Communication Problem

“It is nearly impossible to understand other people’s perspectives when you’re angry or resentful.  You never have a complete view of a negotiation, even when your part is factually right.

“It’s not a communication problem.  You’re not capable of seeing their side.

“Anger and resentment amplify and magnify only the negative aspect of something, which blows it out of proportion and takes it out of context.

“Anger and resentment make you oversimplify and see only one negative aspect of something.  Even if you are right in your appraisal of that negative aspect, you are oversimplifying when you’re resentful or angry.

“The person you’re angry at will not see that you are right as long as he or she feels devalued.

“You can’t be defensive and listen at the same time.”

— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp

Accepting Ourselves

“Codependents cannot change until we accept our codependent characteristics — our powerlessness over people, alcoholism, and other circumstances we have so desperately tried to control.  Acceptance is the ultimate paradox:  we cannot change who we are until we accept ourselves the way we are.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 121

Compassion Is the Key

“Compassion shines light on our differences and lets us appreciate and sympathize with loved ones.  Love without the sensitivity of compassion is rejecting of who you really are as a person, possessive, controlling, and dangerous.”

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 32

Core Value

Affirmation of core value from Steven Stosny’s The Powerful Self:

I am worthy of respect, value, and compassion, whether or not I get them from others.  If I don’t get them from others, it is necessary to feel more worthy, not less.  It is necessary to affirm my own deep value as a unique person, a child of God.  I respect and value myself.  I have compassion for my hurt.  I have compassion for the hurt of others.  I trust myself to act in my best interests and in the best interests of loved ones.”