Pleasing Yourself

Joy 0

Happiness is not found in pleasing others at the expense of self.  It is not doing what others think you should do.  Happiness comes when you do what pleases you for the sake of pleasing yourself.  Think about this for a moment:  No one could quibble that Mother Teresa was one of the most altruistic people of the 20th century.  She didn’t have to do what she was doing.  She did it because it pleased her.  From my observation, she found profound personal pleasure in caring for others and serving God.

— Dan Baker, PhD, and Cathy Greenberg, PhD, What Happy Women Know, p. 84

Grieving

Forgiveness, Healing, Marriage 0

There will come a time in your relationship when your lover hurts you and you have to grieve the wound.  Perhaps your spouse has an affair, or you may simply be hurt by a fundamental difference in beliefs or habits.  Experiencing such pain does not mean there is anything wrong with you or the relationship. . .  A period of pain and anger will follow as you deal with the loss.  This period is commonly called “grieving,” and it’s an important part of the process of forgiveness.

It is normal to experience emotional distress when our world is shaken.  It is also human nature to grieve losses and to suffer when we are mistreated. . . .

Every time you disagree with or are hurt by your lover, you must acknowledge the pain you are dealing with.  Most of the time the pain will last only for a moment, and then you can remember why you love your partner, come up with a benign explanation, and get over it.  In those situations, the grief response will be very quick.  Your gut will suddenly feel tight, or there will be a swear word on your lips. . . .

Not all difficulties, hoever, are ones that we can move through without an active and extended time of grieving.  The period of grief begins when we fully embrace the reality that there is a painful experience in our relationship that we do not want and we cannot change.  We accept our inability to make a change, and this acceptance allows us to then feel the sadness, anger, and fear that come with loss.

An ability to grieve appropriately is a necessary part of a successful marriage, but many couples do not realize this.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 173-174

Appreciate What You Have

Gratitude, Joy 0

If you keep in mind that happiness depends more on your state of mind than it does on your bank statement, you will understand that there can be only one tool to free you from the money trap:  Appreciate and focus on what you have and don’t lament what you don’t have.

If you focus on what you don’t have, you’re going to be miserable.  And that will happen again and again, because guaranteed, there will always be someone who has more than you do.  If you look instead at what you do have, and I mean across the board, not simply the house and the car — if you look at your relationships and anything else that is meaningful to you, you cannot help but embrace and celebrate life for what it is. . . .

In the end, happy women know it’s not the woman who dies with the most pairs of shoes who garners the prize; it’s the one who has had the most fun dancing in them who is truly the winner.

— Dan Baker, PhD, and Cathy Greenberg, PhD, What Happy Women Know, p. 60-61

The Shepherd

God, Guidance, Joy, Life 0

I’m back to the shepherd and the sheep.  When the sheep follow the shepherd, they find pasture.  They find life.  Life doesn’t just magically come to us.  We have to make ourselves available to it.  There is a lifestyle that allows us to receive the life of God.  I know that if I will live more intimately with Jesus and follow his voice, I will have a much better chance of finding the life I long for.  I know it.  If I will listen to his voice and let him set the pace, if I will cooperate in my transformation, I will be a much happier man.  And so a new prayer has begun to rise within me.  I am asking God, What is the life you want me to live?

— John Eldredge, Walking with God, p. 28

Do Not Lose Hope.

Core Value, God, Joy, Life, Trials 0

“When all of this comes to pass, My word to you is this:  Do not lose hope.  A plan is unfolding that you cannot clearly see.  If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt, but you would not lose hope.  You would gladly remain faithful to Me in the middle of the worst suffering.  I guarantee you the power to please Me, not to have a good time.  But pleasing Me will bring you great joy.

“In the deepest part of your soul, you long more than anything else to be a part of My plan, to further My kingdom, to know Me and please Me and enjoy Me.  I will satisfy that longing.  You have the power to represent Me well no matter what happens in your life.  That is the hope I give  you in this world.  Don’t lose it.”

— Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams:  God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy, p. 46

What God Is Up To

God, Guidance, Life 0

Jesus says that as our Good Shepherd, he is leading us.  What an encouraging thought.  Jesus is leading you, and he is leading me.  He is shepherding us.  I can feel something in my heart loosening even now as I consider this.  Okay, I don’t have to make life happen on my own.  Now, if Christ takes it upon himself to lead, then our part is to follow.  And you’ll find that it helps a great deal in your following if you know what God is up to. . . .

Whatever else is going on, we can know this:  God is always up to our transformation. . . .

God has something in mind.  He is deeply and personally committed to restoring humanity.  Restoring you.  He had a specific man or woman in mind when he made you.  By bringing you back to himself through the work of Jesus Christ, he has established relationship with you.  And now, what he is up to is restoring you. . . .

Oh, the joy, the utter relief it would be to be transformed.  That in itself would be more happiness than most of us ever experience.  And — as if that were not enough — it would free us to live the life God has for us to live.

My friends, this is what God’s up to.  This is where our Shepherd is headed.  Whatever else is going on in our lives, this is going on.  He is committed to our transformation.  So, if this is what God’s up to, wouldn’t it make sense that we be more intentional in partnering with him in our transformation?

— John Eldredge, Walking with God, p. 19-21

All About Life

Life 0

Life.  Life.  Life.  It is all about life; imperishable, unceasing zoë.

But we must seek this life out, pursue it, turn into it because there is also a principle of death within us, stemming from the fall.  Therefore, we must be constantly saying “yes” to life and “no” to death.  We must always be discerning life-giving actions and attitudes from those that are death-giving.  This is why the Bible is such a help to us; it is regularly fleshing these things out in the rough-and-tumble of real-life situations.  Scripture makes clear to us precisely how this “with God” life works in all the circumstances of human existence, both for individuals and for groups, both in specific historical periods and throughout all times.

— Richard J. Foster, Life with God, p. x

Opinion

Love, Truth 0

Not for a moment would I endeavor by argument to convince another of this, my opinion.  If it be true, it is God’s work to show it, for logic cannot. . . .

Friends, I have not said we are not to speak our opinions.  I have only said we are not to make those opinions the point of a fresh start, the foundation of a new building, the groundwork of anything.  Opinions are not to occupy us in our dealings with our brethren.

Opinion is often the very death of love.  Love aright, and you will come to think aright.  And those who think aright must think the same.

In the meantime, it matters nothing.  The thing that does matter is, that whereto we have attained, by that we should walk.  But, while we are not to insist upon our opinions, which is the only one way of insisting upon ourselves — however we may cloak the fact from ourselves in the vain imagination of thereby spreading the truth — we are bound by the loftiest duty to spread the truth.  For that is the saving of men. . . .

I do insist upon a better and the only indispensable way of spreading truth — let your light shine.

— George MacDonald, Your Life in Christ, p. 208-209

Counting to Ten

Teenagers 0

When your teenagers were kids, some relative or perhaps even your child’s pediatrician passed on to you the age-old wisdom of counting to ten before saying no to your children.  This practice leaves your kids feeling listened to and gives you some reflection time to consider whether no is indeed what you want to say. . . .  When your child reaches adolescence, this practice of counting to ten before saying no needs an upgrade.

Now instead of counting to ten before saying no, you need to count to ten before saying anything!  That is, when whatever they are saying activates your anxiety, that’s when you need to stay quiet and expectant for ten seconds, which gets you a passing grade on the test your teenager is putting you through.  Will you listen even when the stakes go up and make you nervous?  Your counting to ten slowly and staying silent gives her the time to realize that you are respecting her independence (you aren’t brushing her aside), that it is a tough situation (you don’t have an easy answer), that you believe in her (the expectant look on your face and in your demeanor), that you won’t try to control her (you’re not lecturing her), and that you won’t abandon her (you’re still there).  In other words, lots happens in those ten seconds of quiet.

— Michael Riera, Staying Connected to Your Teenager, p. 108-109

A Conversational Walk with God

God, Guidance 0

An intimate, conversational walk with God is available.  Is normal, even.  Or, at least, is meant to be normal.  I’m well aware that a majority of people do not enjoy that . . . yet.  But it is certainly what God desires and what he offers.  My assumption is based on the nature of God and the nature of man made in his image.  We are communicators.  My assumption is also based on the nature of relationship — it requires communication.  It is based on the long record of God speaking to his people of various ranks in all sorts of situations.  And finally, it is based on the teachings of Jesus, who tells us that we hear his voice.

— John Eldredge, Walking with God, p. 17-18