The Gratitude Channel

Forgiveness, Gratitude, Healing, Life 0

I often ask people to pay attention to natural beauty instead of watching reruns of their old grudges….  The world is full of things to appreciate and find beautiful once you teach yourself to look.  The forgiveness and gratitude channels remind us that even though we have been hurt, we do not have to dwell on the hurt.  The one thing no one can take from us is what we pay attention to and focus on.  We may have a habit of watching the grievance channel or the bitterness channel, but we still control the remote.  The good news is that, with practice, any habit can be broken or changed.  The world is full of heroes who have overcome difficulty by tuning in to channels of courage or bravery.  Each of us can become a hero in our own life, to the benefit of our friends and family.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 142

Shattered Dreams

God, Life, Trials 0

God goes to work to help us see more clearly.  One way He works is to allow our lower dreams to shatter.  He lets us hurt and doesn’t make it better.  We suffer and He stands by and does nothing to help, at least nothing that we’re aware we want Him to do.

In fact, what He’s doing while we suffer is leading us into the depths of our being, into the center of our soul where we feel our strongest passions.

It’s there that we discover our desire for God.  We begin to feel a desire to know Him that not only survives all our pain, but actually thrives in it until that desire becomes more intense than our desire for all the good things we still want.  Through the pain of shattered lower dreams, we wake up to the realization that we want an encounter with God more than we want the blessings of life.  And that begins a revolution in our lives.

— Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams, p. 4

Repentance and Rest

God, Life, Prayer 0

The Lord spoke through Isaiah when he said, “In repentance and rest is your salvation” (30:15).  I love how those two words go together — repentance and rest.  When we repent, we can rest in the Lord.  We can’t rest peacefully in God’s presence if we haven’t repented, and so the continual process of repentance is key to staying close to Him in our daily lives….

A. W. Tozer wrote, “Prayer will become effective when we stop using it as a substitute for obedience.”  Ouch!  He saw that we often pray that we will obey — we pray for patience, for compassion, or that we would be free from covetousness — yet we do not take the actions necessary to actually abide by Christ’s teachings in those areas.

— Brooke Boon, Holy Yoga, p. 43-47

Growth

Forgiveness, Marriage, Relationships 0

Acknowledge that you’re going to disappoint your partner sometime; no one can fulfill all of another person’s fantasies.  This may be uncomfortable, but it actually suggests that the relationship is growing, not dying.  The purpose of marriage isn’t to live out your partner’s goals.

— Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter T. Pearson, PhD, Tell Me No Lies, p. 95

A Gift, However Temporary

Forgiveness, Gratitude, Healing, Love, Marriage 0

Your ability to forgive grows stronger when you accept the gifts of love your partner offers.  At the very least this means accepting that your relationship will not last forever.  This also means that you should glorify any and all experiences you have of love.  One way to do this is to understand that love is a precious gift and to be grateful for the fact that you were given it, even if it did not last.  One of the tragedies I see in my work is people discounting past love because it did not last.  They are unable to take joy in the love they shared because that love ended.  I have had numerous people tell me that their marriage of twenty years was a sham because after fifteen years their partner had an affair.  Their pain was understandable, but it minimized the fact that the love in their lives was majestic and a blessing no matter how long it lasted.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 135

Our Greatest Pleasure

God, Joy, Life 0

Not only do we want what immediately feels good and dislike what in fact is good for us, but we’re also out of touch with what would bring us the most pleasure if it were given to us….

The highest dream we could ever dream, the wish that if granted would make us happier than any other blessing, is to know God, to actually experience Him.  The problem is that we don’t believe this idea is true.  We assent to it in our heads.  But we don’t feel it in our hearts.

We can’t stop wanting to be happy.  And that urge should prompt no apology.  We were created for happiness.  Our souls therefore long for whatever we think will provide the greatest possible pleasure.  We just aren’t yet aware that an intimate relationship with God is that greatest pleasure.

— Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams, p. 2

Discontent Fuels Growth.

Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships 0

Discontent is what fuels growth — in marriage, in oneself, and in institutions.  It’s what propels you to come up with creative solutions and to seek novelty and change.  Merely accepting this represents a huge step in keeping a marriage alive and frees you to move onward, out of the dark side.

— Ellyn Bader and Peter T. Pearson, Tell Me No Lies:  How to Stop Lying to Your Partner — And Yourself — In the 4 Stages of Marriage, p. 81

Remembering the Good

Forgiveness, Love, Relationships 0

We continue to hold our grudges when we do not keep our lovers’ goodness front and center.  When we forgive our partners, we see more than just the harm they may have done.  Not that they are blameless or perfect.  But when we forgive them, we can see them fully enough to lose the need to punish them for their failures.  When we forgive them, we appreciate their goodness so much that we can have the necessary yet difficult conversations without bitterness.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 134

God Giving Through Us

God, Gratitude 0

It will not help much if we simply remind ourselves:  God gives to the ungrateful, and so should we.  But it will help if we remember that it’s God who gives when we give.  For then we need to deflect gratitude that comes to us anyway.  We are not its proper addressees.  God is.  And if we are convinced that gratitude doesn’t properly belong to us, then ingratitude doesn’t touch us.  We are not disrespected by ingratitude; our pride is not injured.  The ingratitude of recipients wrongs not us but the gift-giving God — the God whose goodness “gladly loses its good deed on the unthankful.”  And so we too continue to give, even to the ungrateful.

The self in whom Christ is active is modest.  It doesn’t give in order to aggrandize itself, prove its moral worth, or demonstrate its power.  It can forget itself in the act of giving and reach out to neighbors in love — it gives in order to delight in others and to help them in their needs.

— Miroslav Volf, Free of Charge, p. 115

Recognizing Your Hurt

Forgiveness, Healing, Trials 0

“I’m fine,” I said.  “It hasn’t affected me.  I’m going on with the call on my life.”

But my answer was nothing more than pride.  I was extremely hurt but denied it, even to myself.  I would spend hours trying to figure out how all this could happen to me.  I was in shock, numb, and amazed.  But I suppressed these thoughts and put on a strong front when in reality I was weak and deeply injured….

“God, please help me get out of this hurt and offense,” I pleaded.  “It is too much for me to handle.”

This was exactly where the Lord wanted me — at the end of myself.  Too often we try to do things in the strength of our souls.  This does not cause us to grow spiritually.  Instead, we become more susceptible to falling.

The first step to healing and freedom is to recognize you are hurt.  Often pride does not want us to admit we are hurt and offended.  Once I admitted my true condition, I sought the Lord and was open to His correction.

— John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, p. 146-147