The Big Picture
“The Lord can turn your testings into a testimony.”
— Charlyne Steinkamp, Rejoice on the Radio, http://www.rejoiceministries.org/god_heals_hurting_marriages.html
Not a Communication Problem
“It is nearly impossible to understand other people’s perspectives when you’re angry or resentful. You never have a complete view of a negotiation, even when your part is factually right.
“It’s not a communication problem. You’re not capable of seeing their side.
“Anger and resentment amplify and magnify only the negative aspect of something, which blows it out of proportion and takes it out of context.
“Anger and resentment make you oversimplify and see only one negative aspect of something. Even if you are right in your appraisal of that negative aspect, you are oversimplifying when you’re resentful or angry.
“The person you’re angry at will not see that you are right as long as he or she feels devalued.
“You can’t be defensive and listen at the same time.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Getting Cooperation
“When people feel valued, they cooperate, when they feel devalued, they either resist or submit with resentment.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Your Choice
“Everything you resent, you could feel compassionate about.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
The Purpose of Guilt and Shame
“Shame is a necessary motivator to help you act according to your values.
Guilt and shame are not punishments; they are motivators.
You don’t need a defense against shame, if you take it as it is designed: as motivation to change your behavior.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp, September 28, 2007
A Rule of Relationships
“We like to cooperate, but hate to be controlled.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp, September 28, 2007
Differences
“Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them, and you have found a lover for life.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 94
Books are the ultimate Dumpees.
“Books are the ultimate Dumpees: put them down and they’ll wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they always love you back.”
John Green, An Abundance of Katherines, p. 110
True Power
“Blame makes you powerless.
“Responsibility gives you the power to make your life better….
“To grow and heal, you must remove the magnifying glass from others, and focus it exclusively on you….
“Power is the ability to act in your long-term best interest. It is behaving according to what you believe to be the most important things about you as a person.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop
Power in Waiting
“I’ve started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . . .”
— Dennis Wholey, The Courage to Change, quoted in Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie