Do It For You.
The ultimate issue isn’t whether people deserve your negative thoughts; certainly many people do. The more important point is that they are your thoughts in your head, and you want…
Search Results for: stosny
10 Posts
Appreciation
This is why appreciating and being appreciated are so appealing in relationships: both parties become better people. What’s more, my appreciation of you has a ripple effect. It helps me…
How Do I Want to Feel?
When it comes to feelings, the best strategy is to validate them (briefly) but put your focus on how you want to feel. This approach is more future-oriented and less…
Compassion Changes You.
The use of compassion to cajole someone into changing is especially tragic in abusive relationships, when abused partners are desperate to bring about change. Their desperation is misconstrued by abusers…
Being Powerful
I grew up with angry and resentful people and have struggled my whole career to help thousands of resentful and angry clients achieve a better life. The hardest truth for…
Correction, Not Failure
Emotions are part of a motivational system; they exist not to punish but to motivate behavior that will help. Negative emotions do not indicate that you’re bad; they tell you…
Motivation, Not Punishment
If you feel bad about anything at all and blame it on someone else, what can you then do to make yourself feel better? Not a thing. The act of…
Improvement and Emotional Healing
Focus on improvement of any kind, regardless of whether it is directly related to the initial cause of your pain, will lessen the intensity of the hurt and, eventually, make…
Healing and Power
It may seem patently unfair that the injured party in an intimate betrayal has to take responsibility for her personal healing. That’s because healing has nothing to do with fairness;…
Self-Compassion vs. Self-Criticism and Self-Pity
Self-compassion is a sympathetic response to your hurt, distress, or vulnerability, with a motivation to heal, repair, and improve. It brings a sense of empowerment — a feeling that you…