Living Single

“It’s okay to be in a relationship, but it’s also okay to not be in a relationship.  Find friends to love, be loved by, and who think we are worthwhile.  Love ourselves and know we are worthwhile.  Use our time alone as a breather.  Let go.  Learn the lessons we are to be learning.  Grow.  Develop.  Work on ourselves, so when love comes along, it enhances a full and interesting life.  Love shouldn’t be the concern of our whole life or an escape from an unpleasant life.  Strive toward goals.  Have fun.  Trust God and His timing.  He cares and knows about all our needs and wants.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 213-214

Standing in the Dark

“God is all right.  Therefore, why should we mind standing in the dark for a minute outside his window?  Of course we miss the inness.  But there is a bliss of its own in waiting.  What if the rain be falling, and the wind blowing?  What if we stand alone, or, more painful still, have some dear one beside us, sharing our outness?  What even if the window be not shining because of the curtains of impenetrable good drawn across it?  Let us think to ourselves, or say to our friend, ‘God is.  Jesus is not dead.  Nothing can be going wrong, however it may look to our hearts that are unfinished in childness.’

“Let us say to the Lord, ‘Jesus areyou loving the Father in there?  Then we out here will do his will, patiently waiting till he open the door.  We shall not mind the wind or the rain much’…

“In a word, let us be at peace, because peace is at the heart of things–peace and utter satisfaction between the Father and the Son — in which peace they call us to share, in which peace they promise that at length, when they have their good way with us, we shall share.”

— George MacDonald, Your Life in Christ, p. 51

Letting Go of Outcomes

“Although we can’t control even the tiniest ego or smallest event, we can control our decision to control.  We can let go and be free, or we can fight useless battles.  But we can’t do both.  Either our attention is on form or content, on appearance or substance.  By letting go of our desire to dominate outcomes, we don’t sacrifice anything real, but we do open our heart and mind to the experience of wholeness.”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 112-113

Your Emotions are Not Your True Self.

“As the primary indicator of our ‘true feelings,’ emotions have become our new inner self, taking the place once occupied by the soul, the spirit, or the conscience.  Now to question our anger, infatuation, sadness, and many other emotions is to question what is most sacred about us.  It not only seems dishonest to let go of misery; it seems like a betrayal of who we really are.

“This redefinition of our core has thrown us deeper into chaos, especially since we have also redefined integrity, which used to mean being faithful to our core….

“Look at the dilemma we have gotten ourselves into by deciding that our emotions are our truest self.  How can we be ourself if our self is changing every few minutes, as emotions invariably do?  Not only are feelings never constant, we have layers of feelings heading in different directions….

“Emotions are like layers of files seen on a computer screen.  The one we notice is merely the one we have clicked on.  Even that analogy is an oversimplification because the contents of the files have lives of their own and the mouse likes to do a little extra browsing on its own.  The bottom line is that if you make your emotions your inner self, you have chaos at your core.

“There is a place within us where we can touch the changeless and beautiful, a place where our real self is experienced in peace.  This self does not have to be periodically vented, defragmented, or even defined.  In gentleness and ease it is clearly seen, and everything about it is familiar — because this self is consistently whole.”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 90-91

We Are Okay

“Who we are right now is okay.  In fact, codependents are some of the most loving, generous, good-hearted, and concerned people I know.  We’ve just allowed ourselves to be tricked into doing things that hurt us, and we’re going to learn how to stop doing these things.  But those tricks are our problems; they are not us.  If we have one character defect that is abhorrent, it is the way we hate and pick on ourselves.  That is simply not tolerable nor acceptable any longer.  We can stop picking on ourselves for picking on ourselves.  This habit is not our fault either, but it is our responsibility to learn to stop doing it.

“We can cherish ourselves and live our lives.  We can nurture ourselves and love ourselves.  We can accept our wonderful selves, with all our faults, foibles, strong points, weak points, feelings, thoughts, and everything else.  It’s the best thing we’ve got going for us.  It’s who we are, and who we were meant to be.  And it’s not a mistake.  We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us.  Believe it.  It makes life much easier.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 112-113

First Love

“First love; then do what you do.  First choose peace; then say what you say.  Asking, ‘What should I do?’  ‘What should I say?’ really means, ‘How do I get the outcome I want?’  ‘How do I control this person?’  Seldom are we confused if we make peace and mental wholeness our goal.”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 50-51