Archive for February, 2018

Your Gold

Wednesday, February 28th, 2018

Of all the people you know, who sees and relishes your true self? Who is not afraid of your passion or envious of your gifts? Who has the generosity of spirit to encourage you toward greater self-expression? These people are your gold. Practice leaning on them more, and giving more back to them.

— Ken Page, Deeper Dating, p. 73

Giving Away Power

Tuesday, February 27th, 2018

The biggest mistake we make while under the influence of the stress chemicals is to blame our distress on the person who hurt us. When we blame another person for how we feel, we grant them the power to regulate our emotions. In all likelihood, this power will not be used wisely, and we will continue to suffer. The number of people who give power over to those who did not care about them is shockingly high.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Good, p. 29

Freewill Defense of the Doctrine of Hell

Monday, February 26th, 2018

Why all this stress laid on man’s will to ruin himself, rather than on God’s will to save? Is man the pivot on which all hinges? To me it seems bad philosophy, and worse theology, not to recognize God as center, and his will and purpose as supreme.

— Thomas Allin, Christ Triumphant, p. 28

Grace Making All Things New

Sunday, February 25th, 2018

Grace isn’t about God creating humans as flawed beings and then acting all hurt when we inevitably fail and then stepping in like the hero to grant us grace — like saying “Oh, it’s OK, I’ll be a good guy and forgive you.” It’s God saying, “I love the world too much to let your sin define you and be the final word. I am a God who makes all things new.”

— Nadia Bolz-Weber, Pastrix, p. 50

Connecting to Communicate

Friday, February 23rd, 2018

If partners are motivated to attack or avoid, employing even the most sophisticated communication skills will make them appear phony and manipulative. In my quarter-century of clinical practice, I have never seen skillful communication form a connection without a sincere desire to connect, nor have I seen poor communications skills or choice of words interfere with a sincere desire to connect.

Adults in love don’t try to communicate in order to connect. They connect in order to communicate.

— Steven Stosny, Ph.D., Empowered Love, p. 19

People Are Messy.

Tuesday, February 20th, 2018

To the extent that you shrink from the disorderliness of people, love will scare the daylights out of you.

— Mike Mason, Practicing the Presence of People, p. 25

Paul and Marriage

Monday, February 19th, 2018

Paul did make a huge change in the status of women and in marriage, but not the one we ascribe to him. By bringing the question of happiness into it, he let loose not only that hope and possibility, but with it all of the complexity that ancient customs had tamped down. People now had to figure out relationships between the sexes: whether to have relationships at all, whether they bring too much pain and trouble, whether something else would be more fulfilling, how to balance relationships with the spiritual life, and how to love each other selflessly rather than take each other for granted as providers and breeders. It’s lucky that Christians counted on divine help, because they were going to need it.

— Sarah Ruden, Paul Among the People, by Sarah Ruden

Unconditional, not Unconcerned

Friday, February 16th, 2018

The revelation that God’s single disposition toward sinners remains one of unconditional love does not mean we are exempt from the consequences of going against the grain of love.

— Brian Zahnd, Sinners in the Hands of a Loving God, p. 18

Real Self-Love

Thursday, February 15th, 2018

Real love allows for failure and suffering. All of us have made mistakes, and some of those mistakes were consequential, but you can find a way to relate to them with kindness. No matter what troubles have befallen you or what difficulties you have caused yourself or others, with love for yourself you can change, grow, make amends, and learn. Real love is not about letting yourself off the hook. Real love does not encourage you to ignore your problems or deny your mistakes and imperfections. You see them clearly and still opt to love.

— Sharon Salzberg, Real Love, p. 16

Increasing Accountability with Self-Forgiveness

Tuesday, February 13th, 2018

Surprisingly, it’s forgiveness, not guilt, that increases accountability. Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience.

— Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct, p. 148.