If partners are motivated to attack or avoid, employing even the most sophisticated communication skills will make them appear phony and manipulative. In my quarter-century of clinical practice, I have never seen skillful communication form a connection without a sincere desire to connect, nor have I seen poor communications skills or choice of words interfere with a sincere desire to connect.
Adults in love don’t try to communicate in order to connect. They connect in order to communicate.
— Steven Stosny, Ph.D., Empowered Love, p. 19