The Love We Crave

Forgiveness, Love, Marriage 0

Forgiving a specific wrong reduces the stress and hostility that stems from an unresolved hurt, but becoming a truly forgiving husband or wife creates a marriage that surpasses what you ever hoped it would be.  When you decide to really forgive your partner, you create an opening into a deep and sustaining love.  Experiencing and giving that deep love is what we all crave when we enter into a relationship.  That love is what we deny ourselves when we spend our lives criticizing our lovers and complaining about all the ways in which they do not measure up to our standards….

Love is what happens when you stop creating stress by arguing about the imperfections of the person you married.  That does not mean you like everything your spouse does or that you don’t talk to your spouse about things.  You are still going to have specific problems that require forgiveness, but thankfully those will be rare.  Forgiveness allows the love to flourish and to not be corroded by your resentments and complaints.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 51-52

The Goal of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, God, Gratitude 0

The ultimate goal of forgiveness, just as the ultimate goal of our whole lives should be, is to bring glory and honor to God.

Forgiveness in the life of a believer showcases the astounding, redemptive heart of God.  It puts on display the riches of His abundant mercy and His amazing grace, for all to see….

Forgiveness is not just an act of obedience for obedience’s sake.  Yes, we are commanded to forgive.  And yes, we who have been forgiven so much certainly have no right to be debt collectors.  But more than an obligation, forgiveness is a high calling — an opportunity to be part of something eternal, to shower back our gratitude to the One who forgave us everything….

Think of it as an offering, a sacrifice, a love gift to God . . . for Him and Him alone.  If He adds to the blessing by causing our forgiveness to be of help to us or others, so much the better.  But to know that He is pleased and praised — that is reason and reward enough.

— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 214-215

Forgiveness and Feelings

Forgiveness 0

But forgiveness can’t be proven by our feelings, any more than it can be motivated or empowered by them.  Forgiveness is a choice.  And feelings often aren’t.  It’s quite possible to forgive someone in totally the right way — God’s way — and still have thoughts flash across your mind that completely contradict the decision you made….

But that doesn’t negate what you’ve done.  It simply gives you an opportunity to let Him rule over those emotions, to stay the course and keep on forgiving — by faith.

— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 171-172

Why Not Forgive?

Forgiveness 0

This doesn’t mean that what’s been done to you isn’t terrible  But there is simply no comfort in unforgiveness.  It soothes nothing.  It takes you nowhere.  Why go on letting it eat you alive when God’s strength is so near at hand, so ready to bring you relief?

— Nancy DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 170

Forgiveness Is About the Present

Forgiveness, Peace 0

Forgiveness is more about our present life than about our past….  In my own situation, I had realized that the heart of what I was feeling was an inability to find love and happiness in my current life.  I blamed the person who hurt me in the past for my unhappiness, but in fact I was upset at the condition of my life in the present.  I saw that if I wanted to get better, I would have to focus more on the present and future than on the past.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 34

God Doesn’t Dwell on our Errors.

Forgiveness, God, Healing 0

When Jesus spoke to Paul on the road to Damascus, Paul had just helped murder Stephen and possibly many other Christians.  But Jesus merely said to Paul that the way he had chosen was difficult, and to follow him instead.  Jesus didn’t discuss Paul’s mistakes.  Nor did the father of the prodigal son discuss his boy’s “sins against heaven.”  God doesn’t dwell on our errors.  Do we know better than God what to think about?  All any mistake requires is correction.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 138

Forgiveness is Good for your Body.

Forgiveness, Healing 0

Research shows that learning to forgive or being a forgiving person helps you feel better physically.  The reasons are simple.  It is very stressful to be constantly at war with certain parts of your life.  Telling yourself again and again that you got a raw deal because your husband does not love you the way you want to be loved is hard on your heart and nervous system.  Blaming someone who does not care about you enough for the way your life turned out is incredibly stressful.  Dwelling on the ex who didn’t love you and has since moved on puts a strain on your nervous system and does not slow your ex down at all.  Finally, it is stressful and ultimately self-defeating to complain about things you can’t change in your spouse.  If your wife is messy and has always been messy, constantly expressing your displeasure about it will not do your muscles or arteries any good.  Nor will it make you or her feel better or get along any better.

The reality is that resentment and stress can further damage your relationship as well as your nervous system, while forgiveness can reduce the harm caused by these negative feelings.  By forgiving, we are able to let go of our resentment and reduce the stress it places on our body.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Good, p. 31-32

Even If Not

Forgiveness, God, Trials, Trust 0

He knows your heart, dear one.  He has not left you alone.  And by trusting in His sovereign wisdom, goodness, and love, you, too, may one day see the sweet restoration of everything you’ve prayed for.

But even if not, you will have found a refuge in His will and in His care — a blessed place that is reached only by those who trust His heart — and keep trusting it even when the darkness closes in around them.

— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 165

Choose Forgiveness

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So choose it!  Do it!  Don’t wait to feel like it or to figure out how it will all work out.  Ultimately, forgiveness is not an emotion.  It is an act of your will — an act of faith.  Don’t harbor that bitterness for even one more day.

— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 142