God’s Gift

Forgiveness, God, Healing 0

We are the children of God, every one of us, and nearly nineteen hundred years ago He gave us the greatest of all the gifts He has, greater even than life.  He gave us hope:  a way back from every mistake we have made, no matter how small or how large, how ugly or how incredibly stupid, or how shameful.  There is no corner of hell secret enough or deep enough for there to be no path back, if we are willing to climb up.  It may be hard, and steep, but there is a light ahead, and freedom.

— Dominic Corde, in A Christmas Secret, by Anne Perry

Guilt and Shame

Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing 0

Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt.  Guilt is believing that what we did isn’t okay.  Authentic guilt is valuable.  It’s a signal that we’ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code.  It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track.  Shame is worthless.  Shame is the belief that whether what we did is okay or not, who we are isn’t.  Guilt is resolvable.  We make amends for what we did, learn from our mistake, and attempt to correct our behavior.  Shame isn’t resolvable.  It leaves us with a sense that all we can do is apologize for our existence, and even that falls short of what’s needed….

If we feel ashamed because we’ve done something we feel guilty about, we convert shame to guilt, then make any appropriate amends and change our behavior.  If we decide shame is trying to enforce an unhealthy, inappropriate message on us, we change the message.  If we feel ashamed about something we cannot or need not change, we surrender to the situation and give ourselves a big hug.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 107-110

 

Out Endure the Ego

Forgiveness 0

Forgiveness is the decision to out endure the ego.  Therefore, don’t try to forgive for all time; just forgive in the moment.  Two minutes from now the grievance may come back.  Simply forgive again in the moment.  If you keep surrounding someone in the light, soon your ego — which hates light — will stop handing you the grudge.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 21

For Me

Forgiveness 0

Forgiveness isn’t something nice I do for someone who is “guilty.”  Forgiveness is something nice I do for my own mind.  Do I want a mind that tortures me or one that is a friend to me?

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 19

Little Tests

Forgiveness, God, Life 0

Our life unfolds as if God were showing us a slide show, and each slide is a little test.  God says, “Can you forgive this?“  If the answer is no, God simply moves the slide back for us to view again later.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 18

A Greater Truth

Forgiveness 0

It’s not that there is never a mistake or an evil motivation, but that there is something else as well.  Forgiveness is the door to experiencing that something else.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse behavior; it looks past it to a greater truth.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 18

Perspective

Forgiveness, Guidance, Healing, Trials 0

Remember to ask Jesus to stand between you and your spouse, and to say only things you would say to Jesus and to listen to everything through the heart of Jesus.  When I have felt discouraged, thinking all this was unfair, I often hear Jesus from the cross saying, “And me, what have I done to deserve this?”  Bear your cross with humility, patience, and confidence in the Lord.

— testimonial in Your Father Knows Best, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp, p. 71

Obedience in the Face of Reason

Forgiveness, God, Healing, Marriage 0

The one major thing God told me from the very beginning, when I had no clue where I was or where I was going, was obedience in the face of reason.  I was to keep a short account with God, cleanse myself daily of anger, bitterness and resentment, and forgive even when I didn’t feel like it.  Willingness was, and is, always the key.

— Testimonial in Your Father Knows Best:  True Reports from Court of God Moving When People are Praying, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp