It’s not that there is never a mistake or an evil motivation, but that there is something else as well. Forgiveness is the door to experiencing that something else.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse behavior; it looks past it to a greater truth.
— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 18
Remember to ask Jesus to stand between you and your spouse, and to say only things you would say to Jesus and to listen to everything through the heart of Jesus. When I have felt discouraged, thinking all this was unfair, I often hear Jesus from the cross saying, “And me, what have I done to deserve this?” Bear your cross with humility, patience, and confidence in the Lord.
— testimonial in Your Father Knows Best, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp, p. 71
The one major thing God told me from the very beginning, when I had no clue where I was or where I was going, was obedience in the face of reason. I was to keep a short account with God, cleanse myself daily of anger, bitterness and resentment, and forgive even when I didn’t feel like it. Willingness was, and is, always the key.
— Testimonial in Your Father Knows Best: True Reports from Court of God Moving When People are Praying, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp
When we realize that we are responsible for freeing ourselves from the yokes of the past, we will also free everyone else of this responsibility. Only then can we begin to concentrate more on loving and less on blaming.
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 178
The first thing to realize about the terrible Chain of Resentment is that you don’t have to feel it. The experience of resentment is a choice you make.
The second thing to realize is that the Chain of Resentment binds the self more than anyone else. Breaking the chain of resentment means unburdening the self, setting the self free.
No one can just “let go” of resentment. You can resolve resentment only by investing more value in your life. The more you value, the less you will resent. The more compassionate you are, the less you are able to resent.
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 74.
You have an absolute right to be resentful and angry, but exercising that right will only keep the thorns in your heart. You have a more compelling right to heal the wounds you’ve suffered. You can heal with compassion for yourself, with sympathy for your own hurt, and with the motivation to heal and improve. Emotional healing is replacing your core hurts to your core value, so that you can realize your fullest potential as the loving, compassionate, competent, creative person you are meant to be.
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 121
The road to psychological ruin begins with blame.
The road to psychological power begins with responsibility.
You cannot blame and find good solutions at the same time. You must choose between blame and making things better.
Blame is always about the past. Solutions must occur in the present and the future.
Blame focuses attention on damage, injury, defects, weakness — on what is wrong. Blame makes you feel like a powerless victim.
Responsibility focuses attention on strengths, resiliency, competence, growth, creativity, healing, and compassion, all of which are necessary for solving family problems.
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 44
“The comment, ‘You will never change,’ must delight the enemy trying to destroy your family.”
— Robert E. Steinkamp, The Prodigal’s Pen
“Forgiveness is made easy when we can identify with others and admit to our own imperfections and an equal capacity for wrongdoing.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 133
“Resentment makes less important things more important than the most important things.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp