Communication Skills are Overrated

Compassion, Marriage, Relationships 0

Isn’t it funny how during the honeymoon period, understanding each other is seldom a problem.  “Communication skills” are highly overrated.  We don’t want to understand; that’s the problem.  We can’t say to our dog or baby, “I want to give you a little feedback on something you’ve been doing lately,” and yet we get along with them just fine.  I know two couples who because of an accident and a stroke can’t hear or talk but still are able to move past their problems and grow in love.  Work on communicating better, but also work on dwelling in love, the place of true understanding.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 48

So Different

Forgiveness, Marriage 0

If you’ve got someone who seems opposite to you in almost every respect, you’ve got the right person.  In a sense, your partner is the repository of your rejected strengths.  Forgive your partner and, together, you become whole.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 43

God is Witness

God, Marriage, Peace 0

In the environment of the courtroom, with man-made laws laying wait to render a decree of dissolution of your marriage, keep foremost in your mind, precious one, that the Lord God Himself was witness to the covenant made at your marriage.  You might feel frightened and all alone, but you won’t be.  Just be strong and of good courage.  Do not fear nor be afraid, for the Lord Your God, He is the one who goes with you.  Regardless of the outcome, know for certain that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

— Testimonial in Your Father Knows Best, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp

True Womanhood

Life, Marriage 0

I observed that true womanhood requires true maturity, which is not easy for anyone to attain.  I realized that it is more important in this life to be a whole person, God’s true woman, than to be a married woman.

— Margaret Clarkson, So You’re Single, p. 26

Obedience in the Face of Reason

Forgiveness, God, Healing, Marriage 0

The one major thing God told me from the very beginning, when I had no clue where I was or where I was going, was obedience in the face of reason.  I was to keep a short account with God, cleanse myself daily of anger, bitterness and resentment, and forgive even when I didn’t feel like it.  Willingness was, and is, always the key.

— Testimonial in Your Father Knows Best:  True Reports from Court of God Moving When People are Praying, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp

A Silly Story

Marriage 0

Perhaps more couples could be like the couple who recently celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary.  They summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage this way:  The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish.  After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.'”  The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.”

— Debbie Macomber, Knit Together, p. 109

Make It Better

Compassion, Core Value, Marriage, Relationships 0

“If you feel devalued by something your partner, child, or parent says or does, he or she probably feels devalued too.  Devaluing him or her in return will only make it worse.  Compassion will make it better.

“Compassion does not mean giving in.  Giving in or ‘going along to avoid an argument’ virtually guarantees resentment.  Resentment undermines and ruins attachment relationships.

“Most of the time resolution without resentment is possible with a sincere effort to understand one another.  We become the angriest (the most hurt), not when disappointed for not getting what we want, but when feeling misunderstood or disregarded.  With compassion, we never feel unimportant or disregarded or unlovable (although we may feel disappointed).  This makes negotiation on all issues much easier.  Compassion is absolutely necessary for resolution in the event of hurt feelings….

With compassion the goal is not to ‘win’ a dispute, but to find a solution in which all parties feel regarded, important, and valuable.”

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 37