How to Feel Lovable
If you want to feel lovable, the easiest way is to be compassionate to someone — a child, friend, stranger — anyone will do.
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 110
Category: Love
10 Posts
Recovery
“Getting our balance and keeping it once we have found it is what recovery is all about. If that sounds like a big order, don’t worry. We can do it. We can learn to live again. We can learn to love again. We can even learn to have fun at the same time.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent Do More, p. 214
Living Single
“It’s okay to be in a relationship, but it’s also okay to not be in a relationship. Find friends to love, be loved by, and who think we are worthwhile. Love ourselves and know we are worthwhile. Use our time alone as a breather. Let go. Learn the lessons we are to be learning. Grow. Develop. Work on ourselves, so when love comes along, it enhances a full and interesting life. Love shouldn’t be the concern of our whole life or an escape from an unpleasant life. Strive toward goals. Have fun. Trust God and His timing. He cares and knows about all our needs and wants.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 213-214
Avoiding Manipulation
“When we give up something for someone we love, no matter how great the sacrifice, there can be no conditions. What we do, we do because we will it, free of implications of future payment, or debt, or guilt. Only in this way is sacrifice a healthy manifestation of love.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 119
Growing in Love
“To continue to grow in love is a joyous and mystical journey, full of new insight, excitement and surprise. The eventual payoff, though it may not offer us all of the answers, is well worth the trip.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 118
Differences
“Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them, and you have found a lover for life.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 94
Incompatible Emotional States
“It’s not possible to feel loving or worthy of love at the same time that you feel resentful or angry–they are incompatible emotional states; you can feel one and then the other, but not both at once.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 49
The Mirror of Love
“I’m convinced that we use resentment and anger to punish loved ones, not so much for their behavior as for the pain we feel from our reflections in the mirror of love. In other words, it’s what we take their behavior to mean about us that causes us distress, resentment, and anger.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 48
A Cock-Eyed Optimist?
“It is far easier, it seems to me, to become a cynic than it is to work beyond disappointments and rise above wounds. We must be willing to trust again and expect better than we’ve received. True cynics who believe they have become experts at seeing through people have actually succumbed to a different kind of blindness. If we want love, it is better to look for the good in people, even if it means being somewhat of a cock-eyed optimist.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 81
A Sad Defense Against Feelings of Inadequacy
“In the history of humankind, no one has ever felt more lovable by hurting someone he loves.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 41