Redemption

Compassion, Core Value, Forgiveness 0

Feeling badly about making a mistake is natural, but punishing yourself forever is never appropriate.

I urge you to fully examine your beliefs about mistakes and forgiveness.  Most people cannot answer this simple question:  “How much penance is appropriate to expunge your mistake?”  I have seen countless people who are continually punishing themselves in an infinite variety of ways because of a perceived transgression in the past.  Holding yourself to a so-called higher standard (others could be forgiven for this, but not me) does not make you a better person.  It only makes you a more miserable person….

It is a choice if you focus on the worst parts of you, rather than the good.  If you are having difficulty, then focus on helping someone in need, rather than wasting your time and effort on chastising yourself.  Do something positive.  Choose to ask for help — from God, your spiritual advisor, or your friends.  Be honest and admit that you are in charge of how you treat yourself, and start treating yourself the way you would a friend.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 230-232

The Key to Intimate Relationships

Compassion, Relationships 0

Here’s the hot and hard truth:  Only your own loving behavior can make you feel worthy of love.  It’s not rocket science.  The only way to feel lovable is to be loving and compassionate.

Compassion is the most important emotion for forging intimate relationships.  It contributes far more to happiness than love does.  Relationships can be happy with low levels of love and high levels of compassion, but not the other way around.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 207

Generosity

Compassion, God, Gratitude 0

The heart expands not by taking more in, but by giving more away.

We can be generous people because we have been given generous gifts.

We’re greedy because we think there’s a limited supply.

There is an unlimited supply of the things our hearts really long for.

Live with expanding hearts.

— Pastor Ed Allen, December 2, 2007

The Myth of the Problem-free Life

Compassion, Healing, Joy, Life, Trials 0

We learned an important lesson in our decade-long friendships.  We learned that we had been fooled.  We had convinced ourselves that if we could manage our schedules, break through the glass ceiling, spend quality time with our families, bring home the bacon (and fry it up in a pan) while bouncing children on our hips and creating warm and loving relationships with our husbands, in-laws, and colleagues, somehow, some way, we would be rewarded with the problem-free lives that had, up until then, eluded us.  We were wrong….

We learned that the problem-free life we sought was more than an illusion.  It had become a myth to which too many women had fallen victim.  A woman’s life is much more than success, having it all, or the elusive balance we all seek.  It is more than seeking perfection or conquering the world (although you might).  It is more than gritting your teeth and making it through.  It is about surviving and thriving.

For us, surviving and thriving meant reinventing, rebuilding, and realizing that success was never final and failure was never fatal.  It meant putting our best foot forward (Nike for some, Nine West for others) no matter what, and walking.  Walking forward looking like a pillar of success on the outside while that tiny voice inside reminded us that our teenagers were out of control, our job could end tomorrow, and our spouses, colleagues, and bosses had been untruthful, selfish, unfaithful, or just plain stupid.

Surviving and thriving meant taking what life offered up and looking for the opportunities, the joy, and the compassion in less-than-pleasant or less-than-perfect circumstances.

–Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Cristini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro, This Is Not the Life I Ordered, p. 18-19

Work toward Compassion

Compassion, Healing 0

It’s hard to feel compassion for someone while that person is using or victimizing us.  We’ll probably feel angry.  First, we stop allowing ourselves to be used.  Then, we work toward compassion.  Anger can motivate us to set boundaries, but we don’t need to stay resentful to keep taking care of ourselves.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 70-71

A Simple Lesson in Loving

Compassion, Core Value, Love 0

Approach everyone you meet as an individual with dignity and a life as complicated and mysterious as your own.  Discard preceonceptions and suspend, even for a moment, the idea that you “know this type.”

Do these things and perhaps you might learn the most important lesson that love can teach us:  that each person is worthy of our love simply because they are human, one of God’s unique creations, and begin from there.

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 179