Good Enough

Healing, Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

I made a decision that day.  I was here, I was me, and I was enough in spite of my past, my present, my future, my weaknesses, my foibles, my mistakes, and my humanness.

We’re good, and we’re good enough.  Sometimes we make big mistakes; sometimes we make little mistakes.  But the mistake is what we do, not who we are.  We have a right to be, to be here, and be who we are.  If we’re not certain who we are, we have a right to make that exciting discovery.  And we don’t ever have to let shame tell us any differently.

–Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 111

To-don’t Lists

Joy, Letting Go, Life 0

We need to rid our to-do lists of things that don’t matter, don’t create value, don’t make a difference.  We need to restructure our lives and take more time to do things that bring us joy.  Women need to carve out time for the activities that will create meaningful lives and discard the things that won’t.

— This Is Not the Life I Ordered, by Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Cristini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro

You Can Opt Out

Healing, Letting Go, Relationships 0

Although from the outside gaslighting can look like the work of a single, abusive gaslighter, a gaslighting relationship always involves the active participation of two people.  That is, in fact, the good news.  If you’re caught in a gaslighting relationship, you may not be able to change the gaslighter’s behavior, but you can certainly change your own.  Again, it’s not easy, but it is simple:  You can end the gaslighting as soon as you stop trying to win the argument or convince your gaslighter to be reasonable.  Instead, you can simply opt out.…

Gaslighting can occur only when a gaslightee tries — consciously or not — to accommodate the gaslighter, or to get him to see things her way, because she so desperately wants his approval so she can feel whole.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 34-35

Contentment

Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

We must let our day, our week, our life come to us, rather than ceaselessly clawing to get the life we want.  Instead of focusing on what hasn’t been done for us, we must look more gently on the particular circumstances we find ourselves in at the moment and concentrate on experiencing stillness and peace where we are.

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 209

Relax

Letting Go, Life 0

As soon as we try to control anything, we split our mind and lose our sense of inner comfort.  We can change what we bring to the people and circumstances surrounding us, but we can’t dominate them.

Perhaps the only approach that comes remotely close to a rule of life is that when you are relaxed and flexible, you are happy; when you are rigid and controlling, you are unhappy.  Therefore, the key is actually to let go of our urge to get people to behave and events to go our way.

No matter how experienced the psychologist, how learned the theologian, how wise the philosopher, or how holy the saint, none of them can control a two-year-old.

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 204

Breaking the Chain of Resentment

Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing, Letting Go 0

The first thing to realize about the terrible Chain of Resentment is that you don’t have to feel it.  The experience of resentment is a choice you make.

The second thing to realize is that the Chain of Resentment binds the self more than anyone else.  Breaking the chain of resentment means unburdening the self, setting the self free.

No one can just “let go” of resentment.  You can resolve resentment only by investing more value in your life.  The more you value, the less you will resent.  The more compassionate you are, the less you are able to resent.

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 74.