Normal Negative Feelings

Core Value, Letting Go 0

“Disappointment, sadness, anxiety, and distress are part of everyday living.  Only if they stimulate core hurts that are blamed on someone else will they become anger.

“Disappointment means you didn’t get something you wanted.  It doesn’t mean that you are unworthy of it, it just means you didn’t get it.

“Sadness means you’ve lost something.  It doesn’t mean that you are unlovable, it just means that you lost something.

“Anxiety is a dread that something bad might happen.  It does not tell you that you are bad; it tells you to pay attention to a problem, so you can solve it.

“Distress means that you are currently overloaded in emotional response.  It doesn’t mean that you are inadequate, it means your overexcited emotional circuits need a moment to calm.  HEALS will do the trick quickly.”

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 40

Recovery

Healing, Letting Go 0

“In recovery, we stop enduring life and begin to live it….  We forego worrying and denial, and learn constructive problem solving skills….  We learn to value what we want and need; we stop punishing ourselves for other people’s problems, nonsense and insanity.  We stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, and we stop expecting perfection of others….  We stop getting tangled up in craziness….  We stop compulsively taking care of other people and we take care of ourselves.  We learn to be good to ourselves, to have fun, and to enjoy life.  We learn to feel good about what we’ve accomplished.  We stop focusing on what’s wrong and we notice what’s right.”

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency:  And Getting Better All the Time, p. 13.

Laughter

Joy, Letting Go 0

“Deliberately using our capacity to be amused is one of many ways we can cleanse the mind of pollutants.  Laughter is letting go.  Laughter — true laughter, laughter that makes us all feel closer as opposed to laughter that makes us feel uneasy and separate — is instantaneous release of anxiety, discouragement, and all other fragmented states….

“Children are predisposed to laugh.  They are pre-amused.  Because of this, children can often prevent disturbing thoughts from getting a foothold in their minds in the first place.  Under most circumstances, they instinctively shift their preoccupation from a subject of disstress to a subject of delight.”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 139

Living Single

Letting Go, Life, Love, Peace 0

“It’s okay to be in a relationship, but it’s also okay to not be in a relationship.  Find friends to love, be loved by, and who think we are worthwhile.  Love ourselves and know we are worthwhile.  Use our time alone as a breather.  Let go.  Learn the lessons we are to be learning.  Grow.  Develop.  Work on ourselves, so when love comes along, it enhances a full and interesting life.  Love shouldn’t be the concern of our whole life or an escape from an unpleasant life.  Strive toward goals.  Have fun.  Trust God and His timing.  He cares and knows about all our needs and wants.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 213-214

Listening to Your Spirit

Core Value, Healing, Joy, Letting Go 1

“My definition of guilt is quite simple:  when you try to force yourself to do something you don’t really want to do….  Anytime you hear yourself say, ‘I should, I’m supposed to, I have to,’ you have ignored your spirit to please your tribe.

“Coming into harmony with your soul releases the tension in your body and eliminates the mental Ping-Pong.  When you hear your spirit, there is a huge surge of energy with a wonderful feeling of relief.  Suddenly you are awake, alert, and fully alive and ready to live.”

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 49