Letting Go of Outcomes

Letting Go, Peace 0

“Although we can’t control even the tiniest ego or smallest event, we can control our decision to control.  We can let go and be free, or we can fight useless battles.  But we can’t do both.  Either our attention is on form or content, on appearance or substance.  By letting go of our desire to dominate outcomes, we don’t sacrifice anything real, but we do open our heart and mind to the experience of wholeness.”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 112-113

Forgiveness

Forgiveness, Healing, Letting Go 0

“Forgiving and forgetting feed our denial system.  We need to think about, remember, understand, and make good decisions about what we are forgiving, what can be forgotten, and what is still a problem.  And forgiving someone does not mean we have to let that person keep hurting us….

“I am not suggesting we adopt an unforgiving attitude.  We all need forgiveness.  Grudges and anger hurt us; they don’t help the other person much either.  Forgiveness is wonderful.  It wipes the slate clean.  It clears up guilt.  It brings peace and harmony.  It acknowledges and accepts the humanness we all share, and it says, ‘That’s okay.  I love you anyway.’  But I believe we codependents need to be gentle, loving, and forgiving with ourselves before we can expect to forgive others.  But I believe codependents need to think about how, why, and when we dole out forgiveness.

“Also, forgiveness is closely tied into the acceptance or grief process.  We cannot forgive someone for doing something if we have not fully accepted what this person has done….

“Forgiveness comes in time — in its own time — if we are striving to take care of ourselves.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 197-198

Control is an Illusion.

Letting Go, Life 0

“I’m here to say we can’t control anything.  This is why being single doesn’t give us independence, why having personal wealth doesn’t give us protection, why having raised our children doesn’t set us free, or any of the zillion other conclusions our culture draws from the assumption that the key to control is to rely on ourselves first.”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 107

A Gift

Letting Go, Life, Trials 0

“Although not knowing may itself seem like a bad thing, I am convinced it is one of the great gifts of the dark night of the soul.  To be immersed in mystery can be very distressing at first, but over time I have found immense relief in it.  It takes the pressure off.  I no longer have to worry myself to death about what I did right or wrong to cause a good or a bad experience — because there really is no way of knowing.  I don’t have to look for spiritual lessons in every trouble that comes along.  There have been many spiritual lessons to be sure, but they’ve been given to me in the course of life; I haven’t had to figure out a single one.”

— Gerald G. May, The Dark Night of the Soul, p. 15