Category: Letting Go

“People ultimately do what they want to do.  They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling); they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will only change when they are ready to change.  It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and we’re right.  It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves.  It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with us.  IT DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 74

“I believe that clutching tightly to a person or thing, or forcing my will on any given situation eliminates the possibility of my Higher Power doing anything constructive about that situation, the person, or me.  My controlling blocks God’s power.  It blocks other people’s ability to grow.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 74

“You are not responsible for making other people ‘see the light,’ and you do not need to ‘set them straight.’  You are responsible for helping yourself see the light and for setting yourself straight.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 67-68

“If people don’t want to be with us or act healthy, it is not a reflection on our self-worth.  It reflects on their present circumstances.  By practicing detachment we can lessen our destructive reactions to the world around us.  Separate yourself from things.  Leave things alone, and let people be who they are.  Who are you to say that the interruption, mood, word, bad day, thought, or problem is not an important and necessary part of life?  Who are you to say that this problem won’t ultimately be beneficial to you or someone else?”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 65

“The rewards from detachment are great:  serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.  We find the freedom to live our own lives without excessive feelings of guilt about, or responsibility toward others.  Sometimes detachment even motivates and frees people around us to begin to solve their problems.  We stop worrying about them, and they pick up the slack and finally start worrying about themselves.  What a grand plan!  We each mind our own business.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 57

“There are only three things you need to let go of:  judging, controlling, and being right.  Release these three, and you will have the whole mind and twinkly heart of a child”

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 17

“Detachment involves ‘present moment living’ — living in the here and now.  We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it.  We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future.  We make the most of each day.”

— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 56