Most couples believe there is a point when the situation becomes hopeless. But I am here to tell you it’s not true. Jesus promised that seeking reconciliation will bear fruit, so there is great hope that a marriage can be restored to a place beyond what a couple could even imagine.
— Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs, I Do Again, p. 164
Adopting the perspective of the Stargazer not only leads us toward our future best destinies but actually transmutes past unhappiness into treasure. This is because, in emotional terms, everything is made from its opposite. The raw material for joy is sorrow; the raw material for compassion is anger; the raw material for fearlessness is fear. This means that the very people who hurt you worst may turn out to have enriched you most. “Forgiveness” isn’t even an issue from the position of the Stargazer. Why would anyone bother to “forgive” someone who’d made them rich?
— Martha Beck, Steering by Starlight, p. 76
People say everything happens for a reason and God has a Plan for it all. I believe things do happen for a reason. And God does have a Plan. But if we don’t learn the lesson from the circumstance and let ourselves completely heal from it — whether it is in the past or today — the things that happen for a reason will just keep happening over and over again. And we’ll end up on a talk show talking about what keeps happening to us and wondering why.
— Melody Beattie, Playing It By Heart, p. 244-245
Sometimes, I forget things that I know. Sometimes I forget that letting go has more power than holding on, and then I forget to let go. Sometimes I get so focused on the other person and what they need and want that I forget how I feel, what’s important to me, and what I need and want too. Sometimes I forget that no matter what situation I find myself in, I do have powers available to me, even when I feel overpowered. I have the power to think, to feel, to pray for guidance, the power to let go, and take care of myself no matter what’s coming down on my head. And sometimes I forget that the temporary hit of power from drama addiction wanes in comparison to the real power we can connect to when we’re at peace with the world, and with ourselves.
— Melody Beattie, Playing It by Heart, p. 242-243
However God may choose to evaluate our lives, whatever memory of our past we shall have in heaven, we know this: It will only contribute to our joy. We will read our story by the light of redemption and see how God has used both the good and the bad, the sorrow and the gladness for our welfare and his glory. With the assurance of total forgiveness we will be free to know ourselves fully, walking again through the seasons of life to linger over the cherished moments and stand in awe at God’s grace for the moments we have tried so hard to forget. Our gratitude and awe will swell into worship of a Lover so strong and kind as to make us fully his own.
— Brent Curtis & John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance, p. 190-191
We all have opinions on who was right and who was wrong according to our own perceptions, and we can all find ways to justify our feelings. We want to punish others for what they did to us; however, we are the ones running the story over and over in our own minds. It is foolish for us to punish ourselves in the present because someone hurt us in the past.
To release the past, we want to be willing to forgive, even if we don’t know how. Forgiveness means giving up our hurtful feelings and just letting the whole thing go. A state of nonforgiveness actually destroys something within ourselves.
No matter what avenue of spirituality you follow you will usually find that forgiveness is an enormous issue at any time, but most particularly when there is an illness. When we are ill we really need to look around and see who it is we need to forgive. And usually the very person who we think we will never forgive is the one we need to forgive the most. Not forgiving someone else doesn’t harm the person in the slightest, but it plays havoc with us. The issues aren’t theirs; the issues are ours.
The grudges and hurts you feel have to do with forgiving yourself, not someone else. Affirm that you are totally willing to forgive everyone. “I am willing to free myself from the past. I am willing to forgive all those who may have ever harmed me and I forgive myself for having harmed others.” If you think of anyone who may have harmed you in any way at any point in your life, bless that person with love and release him or her, then dismiss the thought….
If you feel ripped-off by another, know that nobody can take anything from you that is rightfully yours. If it belongs to you, it will return to you at the right time. If something doesn’t come back to you, it wasn’t meant to. You need to accept it and go on with your life.
— Louise L. Hay, The Power Is Within You, p. 89-91
Forgiveness about injuries this deep does not come easily or quickly. There can’t always be a moment of forgiveness, when suddenly our lives are transformed. We are human. We need time to process our experiences, to mourn, to separate, to grow. Forgiveness brews within us, expedited according to our own creative capacities, impeded by our conflicts, a mysterious product of the human spirit. The reclamation of love and of the forgiving self is an arduous and profound journey.
— Robert Karen, PhD, The Forgiving Self, p. 60
The gospel calls us continually to make Christ the source, the center, and the purpose of our lives. In him we find our home. In the safety of that place, our sadnesses can point us to God, even drive us into God’s loving embrace. Here mourning our losses ultimately lets us claim our belovedness. Mourning opens us to a future we could not imagine on our own — one that includes a dance.
— Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning Into Dancing, p. 37
I have discovered the power of story to change people. I have seen a story heal shame and free people from fear, ease suffering and restore a lost sense of worth. I have learned that the ways we can befriend and strengthen the life in one another are very simple and very old. Stories have not lost their power to heal over generations. Stories need no footnotes.
— Ruth Naomi Remen, M.D., Kitchen Table Wisdom, p. xxii
Intercessory prayer for one who is sinning prevails. God says so. The will of the man prayed for does not come into the question at all. . . . Prayer on the basis of the Redemption sets the connection working, and God gives life.
— Oswald Chambers, quoted in Prayers for the Faithful, by Mary Ann Bridgwater