Apology Energy

Healing 0

Apology energy will not only drain you, it will teach others that you are open to criticism and judgment.  Apology energy will reinforce that you don’t deserve to be happy, wealthy, healthy, or successful but that you have to earn your way to make it acceptable to others….

You can eliminate apology energy by rewriting limiting beliefs that create conflict because you are happy, successful, or have ease in life….

To eliminate victim energy, be honest about the need to blame others for your lot in life because it’s easier than making different choices; this honesty will start you on the road to reclaiming your power….

Please avoid, at all costs, the tragedy of your apology energy colliding with victim energy.  Your apology will simply justify a victim’s belief that life isn’t fair, and the person’s powerlessness will intensify your need to apologize….

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 204-206

Perspective

Forgiveness, Guidance, Healing, Trials 0

Remember to ask Jesus to stand between you and your spouse, and to say only things you would say to Jesus and to listen to everything through the heart of Jesus.  When I have felt discouraged, thinking all this was unfair, I often hear Jesus from the cross saying, “And me, what have I done to deserve this?”  Bear your cross with humility, patience, and confidence in the Lord.

— testimonial in Your Father Knows Best, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp, p. 71

The Myth of the Problem-free Life

Compassion, Healing, Joy, Life, Trials 0

We learned an important lesson in our decade-long friendships.  We learned that we had been fooled.  We had convinced ourselves that if we could manage our schedules, break through the glass ceiling, spend quality time with our families, bring home the bacon (and fry it up in a pan) while bouncing children on our hips and creating warm and loving relationships with our husbands, in-laws, and colleagues, somehow, some way, we would be rewarded with the problem-free lives that had, up until then, eluded us.  We were wrong….

We learned that the problem-free life we sought was more than an illusion.  It had become a myth to which too many women had fallen victim.  A woman’s life is much more than success, having it all, or the elusive balance we all seek.  It is more than seeking perfection or conquering the world (although you might).  It is more than gritting your teeth and making it through.  It is about surviving and thriving.

For us, surviving and thriving meant reinventing, rebuilding, and realizing that success was never final and failure was never fatal.  It meant putting our best foot forward (Nike for some, Nine West for others) no matter what, and walking.  Walking forward looking like a pillar of success on the outside while that tiny voice inside reminded us that our teenagers were out of control, our job could end tomorrow, and our spouses, colleagues, and bosses had been untruthful, selfish, unfaithful, or just plain stupid.

Surviving and thriving meant taking what life offered up and looking for the opportunities, the joy, and the compassion in less-than-pleasant or less-than-perfect circumstances.

–Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Cristini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro, This Is Not the Life I Ordered, p. 18-19

When You Fail

Healing, Inspiration, Life 0

When you fail (which you will), that doesn’t mean that you are a failure.  It simply means that you don’t do everything right.  We all have to accept the fact that along with strengths we also have weaknesses.  Just let Christ be strong in your weaknesses; let Him be your strength on your weak days.

— Joyce Meier, Battlefield of the Mind, p. 36

Obedience in the Face of Reason

Forgiveness, God, Healing, Marriage 0

The one major thing God told me from the very beginning, when I had no clue where I was or where I was going, was obedience in the face of reason.  I was to keep a short account with God, cleanse myself daily of anger, bitterness and resentment, and forgive even when I didn’t feel like it.  Willingness was, and is, always the key.

— Testimonial in Your Father Knows Best:  True Reports from Court of God Moving When People are Praying, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp

You Can Opt Out

Healing, Letting Go, Relationships 0

Although from the outside gaslighting can look like the work of a single, abusive gaslighter, a gaslighting relationship always involves the active participation of two people.  That is, in fact, the good news.  If you’re caught in a gaslighting relationship, you may not be able to change the gaslighter’s behavior, but you can certainly change your own.  Again, it’s not easy, but it is simple:  You can end the gaslighting as soon as you stop trying to win the argument or convince your gaslighter to be reasonable.  Instead, you can simply opt out.…

Gaslighting can occur only when a gaslightee tries — consciously or not — to accommodate the gaslighter, or to get him to see things her way, because she so desperately wants his approval so she can feel whole.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 34-35

Work toward Compassion

Compassion, Healing 0

It’s hard to feel compassion for someone while that person is using or victimizing us.  We’ll probably feel angry.  First, we stop allowing ourselves to be used.  Then, we work toward compassion.  Anger can motivate us to set boundaries, but we don’t need to stay resentful to keep taking care of ourselves.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 70-71

The Purpose of Emotional Pain

Compassion, Core Value, Healing 0

Emotional pain moves you to do something that will make you feel more alive, not numb.  The primary purpose of emotional pain is to make us take action to increase the value of our lives.  The purpose of guilt, shame, and anxiety is to get you to be more loving and protective.  They hurt us until we act with love and compassion.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 163

Breaking the Chain of Resentment

Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing, Letting Go 0

The first thing to realize about the terrible Chain of Resentment is that you don’t have to feel it.  The experience of resentment is a choice you make.

The second thing to realize is that the Chain of Resentment binds the self more than anyone else.  Breaking the chain of resentment means unburdening the self, setting the self free.

No one can just “let go” of resentment.  You can resolve resentment only by investing more value in your life.  The more you value, the less you will resent.  The more compassionate you are, the less you are able to resent.

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 74.