Validation from God

Core Value, God, Healing, Relationships 0

No man can tell you who you are as a woman. No man is the verdict on your soul…. Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear. That is why we spoke of the Romance with him first. It comes first. It must. It has to. Adam is a far too unreliable source — amen!

Now, yes, in a loving relationship, we are meant to speak to one another’s wounds. In love we can bring such deep joy and healing as we offer to one another our strength and beauty…. But our core validation, our primary validation has to come from God. And until it does, until we look to him for the healing of our souls, our relationships are really hurt by this looking-to-each-other for something only God can give.

— Stasi and John Eldredge, Captivating, p. 152-153

The Message of Your Pain

Compassion, Core Value, Healing, Relationships 0

Resentful, angry, and abusive people drastically misinterpret the message of their own pain. . . . The bad feelings your husband blames on you are telling him to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, for those are the only things that can make him feel better. And your pain is giving you the exact same message. Even if your husband changes dramatically and replaces his resentment, anger, or abusive behavior with compassion, you still have to heed the message of your core hurts to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect. This means that your focus has to be on your own resources, not on your husband and not on outside supports.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 116

Your Beauty and Power

Core Value, Healing, Life 0

The message of our wounds nearly always is, “This is because of you. This is what you deserve.” It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things have happened. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world.

You are hated because of your beauty and power.

— John and Stasi Eldredge, Captivating, p. 85

Happiness and Guilt

Core Value, Joy 0

You enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of.

Happiness is natural, easy, and effortless when your Self-acceptance is high, but happiness is blasphemous when your Self-acceptance is low. When you feel low, you dream of being happy, but you also secretly fear that maybe you’re not worthy of happiness, so you question, doubt, resist, test, defend against, overlook, and push away invitations to be happy….

You suffer as much pain as you believe you’re worthy of.

Self-acceptance (that is, Self-worth) is the key to both happiness and unhappiness. If you can accept yourself as whole, worthy, and well, then happiness is natural and acceptable to you. If, however, you judge yourself as “not good enough,” then you’re not good enough for happiness. Indeed, for as long as you judge that you’re “not good enough,” you must always throw happiness off for fear of guilt.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 92-93

You Are Enough.

Core Value, Marriage 0

Know now and hear me, loud and clear: You are not responsible for your partner’s choices and actions. You are fabulous, loving and enough. You definitely have things to learn about how you got to this point in your life and where you’re meant to go from here. And you will learn them! But you’re not to blame for this crisis in your world. You’re more than good enough! And there is nothing wrong with you!

— Eve A. Wood, MD, The Gift of Betrayal, p. 9

Seeing the Inner Light

Core Value, Healing, Parenting, Relationships 0

True healers take into account any type of darkness, but their real task is to see the Light in their clients so as to help them remember and consciously reconnect to their own inner Light. In this way, both healer and client are healed together. Parenting is the same. The ultimate gift of a parent to a child is to care for the inner Light of children until they can care for it themselves. True friends are those who believe in you through thick and thin. They still see the Light in you even when your moods and behavior are dark and low. Mentors, managers, leaders, visionaries, peacemakers, and everyone who truly serves . . . they all see the Light.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 29

Remembering Truth

Core Value, Joy, Life, Truth 0

To be happy, it’s good to make a point of knowing what it is in your life that helps you remember truth. What is it that helps you to love, to be real, to be free? What is it that helps you wake up from the slumber of your conditioning? As for myself, I love the sounds of laughter and friendship. I love to look at the stars, to walk in nature, to listen to the river’s song, to smell the heavenly scent of stargazer lilies, to watch a roaring fire, to feel its warmth and see its light. I love to be still, to smile, to meditate, and to pray. How about you?

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 24-25

Influence

Connection, Core Value, Inspiration, Letting Go, Life 0

Think about the people who have most influenced you.  When I remember them I am always surprised to discover that these are people who did not try to influence me, who did not need my response.  Instead they radiated a certain inner freedom.  They made me aware that they were in touch with more than themselves.  They pointed to a reality greater than themselves from which and in whom their freedom grew.  This centeredness, this inner freedom, this spiritual independence had a mysterious contagiousness.

— Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning into Dancing, p. 75

Valuing Our Needs

Core Value, Relationships, Truth 0

When we don’t ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves.  We deserve better.

Maybe others taught us it wasn’t polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves.  The truth is, if we don’t, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships.  We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need.  We may end the relationship because it doesn’t meet our needs.

— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 355