Enjoying Yourself

Core Value, Gratitude, Life 0

Acknowledging your gifts and talents fills you with a sense of self-esteem — so you are not consumed by the need for approval to boost your reputation.  It allows you to own your personal power and not give it away to others.  When you have good self-esteem — which you develop by making commitments to yourself that you keep, valuing your personal code of honor, owning your gifts and talents, and letting go of false humility — you do not look for attention or validation from others….

The false modesty of ignoring or downplaying your gifts and talents is a slap in God’s face.  You received a gift, yet will not own it.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 240-241

Redemption

Compassion, Core Value, Forgiveness 0

Feeling badly about making a mistake is natural, but punishing yourself forever is never appropriate.

I urge you to fully examine your beliefs about mistakes and forgiveness.  Most people cannot answer this simple question:  “How much penance is appropriate to expunge your mistake?”  I have seen countless people who are continually punishing themselves in an infinite variety of ways because of a perceived transgression in the past.  Holding yourself to a so-called higher standard (others could be forgiven for this, but not me) does not make you a better person.  It only makes you a more miserable person….

It is a choice if you focus on the worst parts of you, rather than the good.  If you are having difficulty, then focus on helping someone in need, rather than wasting your time and effort on chastising yourself.  Do something positive.  Choose to ask for help — from God, your spiritual advisor, or your friends.  Be honest and admit that you are in charge of how you treat yourself, and start treating yourself the way you would a friend.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 230-232

Redemption

Core Value, Forgiveness, Love 0

Love means the ability to identify with imperfection and to recognize the inadequacies, weaknesses, fears and confusion in ourselves and others.  Loving what is unlovable in them is always a challenge.  It’s so much easier to dismiss people for their failings than it is to stick by them.  I wonder why it is that we are more prone to finding fatal flaws than looking for redeeming qualities?

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 217

Guilt and Shame

Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing 0

Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt.  Guilt is believing that what we did isn’t okay.  Authentic guilt is valuable.  It’s a signal that we’ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code.  It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track.  Shame is worthless.  Shame is the belief that whether what we did is okay or not, who we are isn’t.  Guilt is resolvable.  We make amends for what we did, learn from our mistake, and attempt to correct our behavior.  Shame isn’t resolvable.  It leaves us with a sense that all we can do is apologize for our existence, and even that falls short of what’s needed….

If we feel ashamed because we’ve done something we feel guilty about, we convert shame to guilt, then make any appropriate amends and change our behavior.  If we decide shame is trying to enforce an unhealthy, inappropriate message on us, we change the message.  If we feel ashamed about something we cannot or need not change, we surrender to the situation and give ourselves a big hug.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 107-110

 

A Simple Lesson in Loving

Compassion, Core Value, Love 0

Approach everyone you meet as an individual with dignity and a life as complicated and mysterious as your own.  Discard preceonceptions and suspend, even for a moment, the idea that you “know this type.”

Do these things and perhaps you might learn the most important lesson that love can teach us:  that each person is worthy of our love simply because they are human, one of God’s unique creations, and begin from there.

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 179

Resentment vs. Compassion

Compassion, Core Value, Relationships 0

Most human beings subjected to the amplification, magnification, and oversimplification of resentment or anger get resentful, contentious, or sulky in return, just like you do.  Resentment and anger also cause you to focus only on your own perspective, to the exclusion of everyone else’s….

On the other hand, compassion not only keeps you from avoiding and attacking, it also motivates behavior to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, all of which are likely to make things better….  Compassion is power.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 167-169

The Purpose of Emotional Pain

Compassion, Core Value, Healing 0

Emotional pain moves you to do something that will make you feel more alive, not numb.  The primary purpose of emotional pain is to make us take action to increase the value of our lives.  The purpose of guilt, shame, and anxiety is to get you to be more loving and protective.  They hurt us until we act with love and compassion.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 163